You ONLY work 3 days a week!

I did 12 hour shifts for 10 years and finally decided at age 49 it was time to go back to 8 hour shifts. My husband did no housework, limited cooking and did not do clean up after a meal. Still lets stuff out of the fridge till I get home, doesn't think you need to wipe anything down after a meal, can wash laundry but " i just don't know how to fold it'

so it lays in a ball and wrinkles! He was laid off for 2 years and I worked full time 12hours and picked up a part time job flexing. Never again!

I have told him he will work 2 jobs and I now have bills he pays and bills I pay, household repairs are split and we each have our own checking account and a joint account which he puts nothing into the joint checking or savings.

I know I am not alone with a husband like this as I hear many nurses say the same thing but I also understand why the divoroce rate increases at my age, kids are grown, I can support myself nicely on my income, get a small apartment and keep it clean and neat and let the man fend for himself, Not that I am getting divorced by I sure understand it a lot better now>

I did 12 hour shifts for 10 years and finally decided at age 49 it was time to go back to 8 hour shifts. My husband did no housework, limited cooking and did not do clean up after a meal. Still lets stuff out of the fridge till I get home, doesn't think you need to wipe anything down after a meal, can wash laundry but " i just don't know how to fold it'

so it lays in a ball and wrinkles! He was laid off for 2 years and I worked full time 12hours and picked up a part time job flexing. Never again!

I have told him he will work 2 jobs and I now have bills he pays and bills I pay, household repairs are split and we each have our own checking account and a joint account which he puts nothing into the joint checking or savings.

I know I am not alone with a husband like this as I hear many nurses say the same thing but I also understand why the divoroce rate increases at my age, kids are grown, I can support myself nicely on my income, get a small apartment and keep it clean and neat and let the man fend for himself, Not that I am getting divorced by I sure understand it a lot better now>

You hear similar stories when nurses discuss how they woke up and figured out how they were "targeted" by their significant others for their ability to bring in a paycheck or two.

I work 4 days/week--two 8 and two 12 hr shifts. My drive is only 40 minutes..or longer in the bad weather.

My husband, who has been laid off for over a year now, has NO idea what kind of crap I put up with on a regular basis. NO IDEA! I work straight night shift and he actually said to me, don't you get bored when all the patients do is sleep all night? Yeah, right! Ever heard of Sundowners? Those confused crazy LOL's do everything BUT sleep!

I don't have a hubby (or an anything, right now :P) but have heard this sentiment more than once, from both my previous boyfriend (we lived together, he was unemployed for a time) and now, still, frequently, from my sister. She works a fairly cushy (IMO) office job, with a great salary (she makes as much as I do, with no post high school education and the ability to flex her hours...if she needs to leave for something, she can leave, etc), great benefits (free health ins and a large extra spending acct for health care expenses, PLUS 10k+ bonuses at the end of the year.....). I'll make a comment about being tired, having had a stressful week, whatever, and there's always a comment about "only working 3 days" or "having 4 days off." I'll complain about the extra shifts I get scheduled (we get put on a lot of extra fours, and they're a pain in the neck) and she'll say, "well, you only work 3 days, it's not a big deal." :mad:

I also work kind of an odd shift, 11a-1130p. She doesn't understand why I can't do things (for example, this week I have to pick up a new pair of glasses and said I can't do it til Thursday, when I am off) before work. I don't get up that early, because I don't get to bed until 1am, at least! Plus, knowing you are going in to work for 12 1/2 hours MINIMUM, sometimes 13 or 14 (or god forbid longer!), you don't exactly want to run errands and get up at 7am! I made a comment about 8am being early for me (I was babysitting my brother's kids on a day off) and she goes, heck, that's not bad, if it were my kids, it would be 7. Yea, well, I don't keep "typical" hours, but she makes me feel lazy because I often sleep in til 8 or 9 (or 10 :P).

People that don't do it often just do not understand (or worse, refuse to even try to). Sorry you're husband is being such a butt.

I am so relieved to hear that so many other women in nursing are having this experience with their spouse, not a good relief but just relieved. I work 12 hour night shifts on the per diem scheduled which means I choose when I want to work, but don't get any paid vacation or sick days. I manage to get a full 3-day work week every week and make good money on the per diem pay roll. Before starting this type of schedule I told my husband I thought I could work a 4-day week every now and then since the overtime pay is really good. But once I starting working nights again (I was previously on days and now do 3 nights in a row with 4 days off) I realize how hard it is to do 4 shifts a week on nights. By my third night I'm exhausted and would never do 4 in a row. But if I work a 4th shift later in the week I spend my time off sleeping and trying to get my body on a normal schedule for 12 hours for what its worth before going back to work. Sure, when I have done an extra shift it shows in my paycheck, but that's the only benefit. You never know what kind of patients you will have and your night can be hell and you can't do anything but suck it up. I have repeatedly told my husband that I haven't seen my friends in a while and I miss them. I also still manage to cook, clean the apartment and do the dishes on my time off. I told him finally to quit pushing me to do a 4th shift becuase it's not as easy as it seems and I'll reconsider the topic when I am back on days, but until then he needs to back off. He hasn't bothered me about it since and I am enjoying just doing 3 nights and having 4 off. Ugh, this is so frustrating how people in the non-medical world perceive the nursing schedule.

I don't think you can understand it unless you've done it. I "only work 3 days a week" too. Most days it's 14 hr's and at 57 I don't work many extra shifts. My husband is retired and he hates to see me go to work because he's "bored".

I have a friend that went to a clinic so she could work 8hr days 5 days a week. It is easier on her because she's raising 2 kids alone. She makes a little less money, but right now it works best for her.

I hope you and your husband work things out, because that's the main problem. Having no sympathy at home is no picnic.

I think this would be wonderful, and a great suggestion, but my husband would have a stroke:eek: if I hired someone and caused us to have another bill at a time when he sees his worklife crumbling around him. It would be just one more THING I had done to cost us money rather than helping. Yes, it might force him into doing stuff, but you haven't seen how he acts when he is forced into doing stuff. He would probably help out, angrily, for a week or so, and then when I wasn't around he would get our girls to do the work instead. They would refuse after awhile, and then we'd back to where we were.

It's a great idea, but forcing his hand has never had a favorable outcome. He just feels like the work was created to inconvenience him or something. I've threatened hiring a maid, and he always says, "NO, don't do that. We'll start cleaning up around here more." And then not one thing gets better. However, he expects the children to do their chores SPOT ON TIME.

Go figger.

Thanks for the idea, though...it's always a possibility...

Not defending your husband (or mine!) but I think men really have no idea what we do, and really don't want to know. My husband does have a stressful and demanding job, but that's where it ends (except in the summer he does cut the grass once or twice a week).

Every once in a while my husband actually tries to help, but doesn't have a clue what to do. He says he doesn't know what he is supposed to do, and wants me to make lists. I really hate that idea - I mean really, you want me to write down that you need to do laundry when there are loads of dirty clothes and nothing clean in the closets? Really? And you want me to write down that you need to run the dishwasher when there are dirty dishes all over the counter and nothing clean in the cupboards?

Really, I guess he does.

It might help you and him to write down everything you do on top of your nursing job. I mean every little thing. I'll bet he doesn't have a clue. Don't confront him, he is probably feeling depressed about his job and his self esteem is in the toilet. (NOT excusing him, but looking for possible explanation). Don't rule out counseling, either. If not for both of you, just go yourself to learn to deal with this more effectively.

Sorry you are going through this. Hope it gets better!

I'm sorry. I hear you on the work days. I'm a mom of 7 with 2 gone so 5 kids home. My dh is at home now on medical leave. Money is tight as I had to go back to work and 'only' work 3 days a week, 12 hr shifts.

My dh is great and understands as he is a nurse. But his FIL, who thinks our money situation could be lessened IF I worked more hours, because I don't work FT. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.