Jump to content
perseus29 perseus29 (New Member) New Member

12 year old sues father for grounding her -- and wins!

Lounge   (4,123 Views 39 Comments)
3,692 Visitors; 233 Posts
If you find this topic helpful leave a comment.
advertisement

You are reading page 3 of 12 year old sues father for grounding her -- and wins!. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

I told my father if he spanked me I would call CPS. He put away the belt calmly told me that they would arrest him for murder and not 'abuse' and I promptly shut up and took my spanking. Lol

Of course that only works if you can make the child believe it. ROFL

Needless to say, I never disobeyed my father and even when he was in Korea a phone call would put me in my place.

Children were being raised fine until society and Uncle Sam got involved.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i disagree that not going on a school outing would harm this childs spocial development to the point that the rest of her life would have been ruined

i believe that it may have been a good for her to suffer the consequences she may have learned something...what she did learn was that she could maniulate the situation and this probably will drive a permanent wedge between her and her father

sad family

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If there' s already a third party appointed to look after the child's interests in this case, then I think it's likely that the parents aren't doing too well at cooperating on discipline, or anything else. Working together for the good of their daughter would be ideal but may not happen. This dad may have been doing the best that he could. He may, for example, have already removed the internet from his own home. If the daughter was posting inappropriate pictures of herself on the internet, he has reason to be concerned.

It's a shame the judge didn't address this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I read the 2 articles about this case. One identified a conflict with the step mother that led to the grounding. The other identified chatting on websites. I think that it was one of those situations where the 3 parents were in conflict about expectations. The girl pushed the envelope and it escalated into a conflict/power struggle. (I think her father had some anger towards the biological mother and this came out sideways in his decision processes regarding his daughter.) Funky family dynamics more than likely played a big part in this series of incidents.

I really think that mediation and parent education would have been a better way for the judge to go. My reading of the articles was that the GAL apparently attempted to negotiate with the father but this process may very well have omitted the step and biological mothers in the process. Mediation might have helped the 3 parents communicate and come to a common agreement about the consequence. (It did sound like the bio mom was not in agreement with preventing her childs attendance on the school trip.) Dad probably got his hackles up which may have made him choose a more severe consequence

This child needs to have her parents presenting a consistent united front in their parenting strategies. Mediation might have helped them get control of her by increasing her sense of her parents being on the same page. Tailored consequences may have emerged.

For example:

We talked it over and we are going to allow you to go with your classmates. You did violate our rules about computer use. This is the consequence we have chosen together.

You may not visit janey or other friends in their homes for 2 weeks. They may visit you in our home as long as we are home. You can play cards etc with them but we will not allow you to have computer time with them.

There will be no unsupervised computer use by you or your friends for one month.

You will not be able to use the internet for 1 month except under our direct supervision and for school projects.

Clear consistent but it also identifies appropriate behaviors that will help her learn to control her own behavior. She really needs a united front with clear expectations. Consequences have to be time linited with a clear means of regaining privileges for them to be effective.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't be a bit surprised if this judge didn't end up seeing this young lady again a few years down the road. She might be the next one to sue when her ex-boyfriend posts her nude pictures on the internet. That is, if she's lucky and doesn't become a missing person.

That's one area where I think the judge totally missed the mark. Young girls who post inappropriate pictures of themselves on the internet can be heading into very dangerous territory indeed. For the judge to worry about her "social development" and ignore that she might be setting herself up for anything from public humiliation to sexual predation - well, it makes me wonder what world the judge lives in.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My daughter had a boyfriend meet her at her dads for dinner, after we told her she couldn't see him anymore.

We grounded her from going to a birthday/Halloween party. I still feel bad, but it was something I had to do.

It was not punishment out of spite because her bio-idiot let him go over there!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
advertisement

Hmmm....I have to say that was a waste of valuable court time and taxpayer money to even take that absurd case to court. It should have been handled with the parents and the guardian outside of the courts. If there is a GAL, there is a bigger problem there, for sure. Denying a kid one outing with her peers isn't going to scar her for life. There are better ways to handle the situation, I agree, but it is not going to be lasting damage to the kid because she missed out on a school activity.

Teens will push and push to see what they can get away with. That seems to be their primary purpose in life, especially at 12 or 13. That is why G-d makes them so darn cute as babies, so we don't KILL them when they get to be 13........:banghead:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One of the things we do is make a big chart with all the things our kids like to do. If they break a rule, a big X goes over one.

Taking away privileges is about the only thing you can do with teens. No car privileges, no movie night out with friends, no school dance, etc.

The internet can be a scary place - and I'm not in favor of a 12 or 13 year old even having unlimited access to a computer. Or having a MySpace account. The bullying that goes on is horrible.

My daughter's classmates have been called the meanest class in a long long time and the valedictorian even wrote her speech on that. Internet anonymity makes folks more brazen about what they say.

And girls . .. . good grief. Some of the photos they post and the things they say about sex . . .:eek:

There should be a hard and fast rule against computers in a bedroom - it needs to be in a family area and the parents need to check the history often. Or get a program they tells you where the kids have been.

steph

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess the judge who overrules MY punishment of MY cheild better be ready to move a new kid into their house.

Might be different if I beat the snot out of the child or withheld life essentials like food or water or air. But DO NOT tell me I cannot tell my child no.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Discipline needs to be contingently applied with clear expectations about expected behaviors.

There also needs to be a teaching component used as part of discipline that gives skills to prevent future misbehaviors.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I guess the judge who overrules MY punishment of MY cheild better be ready to move a new kid into their house.

Might be different if I beat the snot out of the child or withheld life essentials like food or water or air. But DO NOT tell me I cannot tell my child no.

There used to be a time when kids feared (and by fear I don't mean "scared for my life" kinda fear) their parents more than they feared the cops. If a kid did something dumb, the police would simply take 'em home and let the parents deal with it.

Juvenile delinquency is a contradiction in terms. Delinquency means dereliction of duty. But duty is an adult virtue - in deed, we often consider a person to be "mature" only when they have a grasp of their duties along with their rights. For every juvenile "delinquent" there is a corresponding/co-incident adult who is delinquent in their duty.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - decline of parental authority is one of the reasons our society is in a rudderless direction. There is a lot of talk about declining standards, rising crime etc. etc. etc.... and foolishly we cry out and insist on a top down approach (more cops, stricter laws, reform schools, more state power etc.) rather than the bottom-up route by restoring parental and local authority.

Children are the responsibility of their parents.

Not uncle Jack's. Not Ms.goody-two-shoes living next door. Certainly not the overbearing State.

cheers,

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I guess the judge who overrules MY punishment of MY cheild better be ready to move a new kid into their house.

Might be different if I beat the snot out of the child or withheld life essentials like food or water or air. But DO NOT tell me I cannot tell my child no.

Thats IT! You got it in one! :yeah::yeah:

Dealing with teens is soooo difficult at times, and with-holding extra trips etc is about the only way to give them the message that their behaviour has been in- appropriate!

You are so right in saying, intervention from the courts if you beat up your child for wrong doings, but APPROPRIATE Parental chastisement, such as withdrawing luxuries, that going to court just beggars belief!

I can't believe a judge would rule on the side of a 12 yr old, who clearly needs guidance, not encouragement to further flaunt herself and her parents rules!:angryfire

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×