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Jillybean48 Jillybean48 (New Member) New Member

Why so mean??

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I can't help but notice that some nurses on here always seem to respond to posts in a rude manner and give mean answers. :madface: It's almost always the same people and I just don't understand how they think that this behavior is acceptable. It is so rude. You are supposed to be professionals yet you come on here and act like babies. Some of the people that post on here need advice or support or just want to vent... they don't need your negative comments. It's one thing to give an honest opinion, but to tell people not to come here with their problems.... I mean who do you think you are? :banghead: You have no right to tell people not to come here unless you own this site. Think before you speak. You are hurtful. Act like a grown-up. The things we say can help build that person up or tear that person down. Can we just provide some support instead of bullying people??? Just remember, it may be you one day needing some support; would you want YOUR advice? :nailbiting:

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I've seen people give tough love and advice that the poster didn't want to hear, but I've not seen anyone being "mean." It's the internet. Everyone needs a tough skin to participate or they should just join a support group. :shrug:

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Let's be honest here: in written communication, there are so many missing cues that one would see in verbal communication. This would include tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures, and all those other visual cues. Unfortunately, with written communication, all one has to go by is words. That can lead to lots of misinterpretation.

Additionally, some people come here expecting to get nothing but replies agreeing with them, and it shows in their subsequent posts. People ask for advice and ideas, but when it contradicts what they want, what they believe, or involves a lot of work on their own (see: students who post, word for word, a list of questions and expect someone to type out the answers), they will then accuse those responding who ask for what the original poster thinks or something different than what they want to read of being mean.

I'm not saying there aren't mean posters out there; just like the population in general, there are indeed mean nurses. However, there are also nurses who have been there, done that who don't believe in just telling people what they want to hear and are honest, although at times rather blunt. Give people the benefit of the doubt before labeling them as "mean".

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It is difficult to convey tone in a post.

It is even more difficult to ask for advice, and not be prepared for blunt honesty. It is not always what one wants to hear, or accept.

Because any number of us have been there, done that, and bought stock in inspirational calenders that tanked, sometimes it is a matter of being honest to the point of making the OP think. An alternate point, lively debate.

And I try to remember that when I get called to the carpet--my opinion is my own, and only my own. Either you like it, or think I am out of my mind. But that's ok. Differences are what makes us who we are.

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I understand and appreciate all three of your comments and agree with them. I myself have commented on posts where people were obviously not facing facts or dancing around an issue and I said what needed to be said; so did other nurses. And also we see nurses who have years of experience giving good advice because of their experience and that is extremely valuable. But in the last few days I had seen some nurses go WAY past the point of stating an opinion or giving advice, or debating, and just being flat out mean. That is what I am talking about.

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Give people the benefit of the doubt before labeling them as "mean".

Actually I did give them the benefit of the doubt but when I look back at previous posts and see that ALL of their posts are like that, then I label them as mean.....

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Actually I find this forum quite civilized compared to some of the non-nursing forums out there.

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Actually I find this forum quite civilized compared to some of the non-nursing forums out there.

LOL. You're right, it really is and that is what I appreciate about it. I just hate to see someone needing help with something being made to feel worse than they already feel.

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I am new to the site but I definitely agree with the OP that I have seen comments from people that cross the line from being constructive to being mean.

Certainly a lot can be lost in translation without hearing the tone of voice etc. but sometimes there are comments made that there is simply no way the tone of voice or non verbal communication would change the fact that it was just mean.

Nursing has a reputation of eating its young way too often. Nursing is a second healthcare career for me. In my previous professional career new grads were encouraged and critisism was always constructive. There were no conversations after work were newbies were labeled as stupid or mistakes were rehashed unless there was a lesson to be learned from it. I try to bring that same approach to my nursing interactions.

Some people post who probably have no other support system-hence they post things that I would probably talk out with a friend over a beer.

I have nothing against tough love but read what you are about to post. If you can't easily see the lesson you are trying to give the person and how it will help them learn delete it and move on.

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If you feel something is over the line. Report the post.

One person's interpretation can be quite contrary to what was meant.

You are going to see and hear a lot of things.

It's the internet.

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I've noticed the same, OP. I see many other posters have mentioned how difficult it is to convey attitude through the Internet, and I absolutely agree, but I have noticed that many topics on here do cause posters to personally attack each other. Differing opinions, in my experience on this website, often result in an all-out war. The "ASN vs. BSN" debate is a prime example and frequent issue discussed on here and the posts usually go for 15-20 pages of people attacking each other over their personal decisions/opinions, until someone reports it and moderators edit the thread.

That being said though, many posters have been extremely helpful to me, and as a result, this site has been a tremendous help in getting started with my education. Just ignore the negatives, OP.

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Nurses are very good at the unbridled truth. They don't mince words nor do they color it with flowery verbiage. I do see that there are some who are more truthful than others and posters that don't want the truth. Just because someone doesn't agree with someone doesn't make it mean.

NETY...I wish that term would go away. Nurses (most of us) do not eat their young. Our corrections are to the point and precise. They have to be...we don't have time to color it pink. Nursing isn't rainbows and puppy dogs and with the current climate of "every body wins" and people not telling their children no...I find some are more sensitive to correction than others.

The mod team is all volunteer and we try the best we can to keep up. But with 10 and 12 thousand members on the board at one time the task is daunting. We depend on the membership to report when things are getting out of hand. Admittedly... there have been a few threads here recently that crossed the line and they are dealt with behind the scenes.

I have loved AN for a long time for it's strict NO Tolerance to personal attacks. It is why I have been here for a long time.

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