Want to help obese daughter - page 2

My daughter is 36. She had a LapBand against my advice 3 years ago and went from 276lb to 255lb, she is 5'4". Once I realized this is what KB wanted I rallied behind her. I could see she was not... Read More

  1. by   NurseBlaq
    Quote from deesimson
    Is this still active? My problem sounds much like the original post, with the exception that my daughter has turned nasty and barely does any activity. Just home from a family vacation where my daughter would unzip her pants in public and complain about everything...including the healthy food the others of us were choosing. Her joints hurt, she burps alot, and hangs her head and shoulders, and complains she can't breathe.
    My husband knows we can't do anything, but it is embarrassing to see her display such rude behavior and not participate in activities the others of us enjoy.
    Butt out seems the easy way out to me. Ignore the fresh person she has become, ignore unzipping your pants and critisism of others who order a salad. She wears sweat pants and slipper everywhere.
    Love her and proud of all she has done. We have the best phone conversations but when in person...oh boy. but why if I want the most for her, why if I want her to address what torments her is that wrong? If she was a friend I could walk away, but she is my child...my other daughter and I are the brunt of her critisism, but she has not faltered to put down my husband in public from time to time.

    As above she is in social work, and suffers from anxiety, and has overcome many things in her life due to PTSD from Rape 10 years ago. But the new obesity in her life (maybe 5 years since reaching 200 and three to 240+ )has made her tough to be around. She went from a kind athlete of a child to dark adult after the Rape and now to a mean person who is obese and inactive. Really I should BUTT OUT?
    I don't think her weight is the issue, more like the side effect of deep seated depression. First and foremost, sad to know that she was raped. I'm sure it's hurtful to know as a parent and even more devastating that you feel helpless watching her become someone you know she's not. However, it appears she needs mental health treatment more urgently than weight loss treatment. Maybe it's a coping mechanism, as in "If I'm hateful to people and keep them away, they'll leave me alone and I don't have to worry about being raped again" type thing. It may also be the mindset of "If I let my appearance go men won't find me attractive and I don't have to worry about them wanting to rape me." Whatever the beginning is, the bottom line, in my opinion, is she's doing everything the opposite of what she used to do or whom she used to be cause maybe she feels it will ward off being attacked again.