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Tweety Tweety (New Member) New Member

Wednesday February 20, 2019

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Good morning!

I didn't not have to work yesterday so that was a good thing, but a bad thing because I wanted the money.  Today I start my "bad week" working 2 off one and working the weekend.   

I had a nice day off.  I was going to yoga and realized I forgot my wallet and needed to pay for a set of classes and came home and realized I would be late.  Being late to yoga class is rude, especially if you don't have any money.  So I went to the gym instead and got a nice workout in.  I cleaned the floors and cooked some pasta for meals tonight and tomorrow.  Wasn't an exciting day.

Hope everyone has a good day!

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Good Morning -

Tweety - Hope work is kind to you. . . 
By the way, Tweety, today is Wednesday, February 20th, 2019, not "January 29th"! L O L! I sent a request to the administrating team to, hopefully, edit in the correct date. L O L! 😄

Recently woke up. . . Drinking First Coffee. . . 

Got a phone call from my father's wife late last night. Apparently, he's been having some TIAs which has left him weaker (right side more than left) with increased difficulty speaking. Apparently, this all took place during the week-end. Apparently, she did not take him to the hospital when all of this happened, interestingly enough. Needless to say, we had a LONG phone conversation.

Dad is a "DNR". That does not mean, "Do Not Treat". But up until about a half year ago, Dad was also under Hospice care for his progressive dementia. In the past, it had been discussed that should anything happen to him at his home, he would not go to the hospital. Dad "graduated" from Hospice because he was too well. And, for the past 6+ months since "graduating" from Hospice, Dad's health has remained relatively the same, except for his slowly-failing mind and body. Despite being "qualified" for increased level of care, Dad's wife will not put him into a nursing home. So, she's been the main care-taker for him for a while.

A couple of years ago (I believe that I shared this when this took place), Dad's wife had a mental breakdown. Literally, she was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. My sister and I stayed with Dad at his apartment during most of that time to help tend to his needs. There was a hired home-care aide, as well, that helped take care of Dad. Back then, Dad's mental and physical state was weak. Dad and his wife does have some monies saved. He also has a retirement pension that modestly supplements his Social Security income. Armed with this financial information, my sister and I organized 24/7 care for Dad so that he could get the care the he deserves, and so that (at least in our minds) his wife need NOT be the main care-taker. Financially, the 24/7 care could be afforded for several years. It did mean, though, that their savings would be diminished over that time. The 24/7 care was in place when his wife returned from the hospital. Within a week of her being home, she discontinued that 24/7 care. But, she did keep intact a few 8-hour days per week of home health assistance (which was a whole lot better than what existed before my father's wife was hospitalized).

By the way, this was not the first or second time that Dad's wife was hospitalized. (But it was the first time she required care and support for apparent suicidal ideation.) Each time she was hospitalized, my sister, sometimes my wife, and I would stay with Dad and help tend to his needs.

Now. . . I haven't been the greatest son in the world.  During the past several months, I've visited Dad about 3 times. He and his wife live a little more than an hour's drive away. It's not a huge distance to travel. I've just been involved with my own life. And, being the type of personality that I am, I've been "avoiding" witnessing my father slowly decay. It is painful to see him age so insidiously. He often does not remember who I am when I visit him; he often calls me by his brothers' name(s). THIS bothers me. I own that. I've allowed my very strong feelings of pain and self-pity to pull-back from visiting him. THIS, obviously must change.

So. . . I will be scheduling time to be with Dad during my nights off from work. I will be part of his care - again - so that Dad's needs are met, so that he remains safe, and so that he remains relatively comfortable.  This, I shared to Dad's wife during last night's phone conversation.

Dad's wife has recently increased the level of support that he - and she - needs. There are over-night home health aides that she recently hired for at least three nights. She also has other help, too. 

We - his wife and I - both hope that Dad is re-eligible for Hospice Care. This, we discussed last night, too. Up until these past couple of days, Dad's appetite has been, well, very strong. He loves to eat, and does it well! But Dad's appetite seems to be waning. This is new for him. Although it's probably too early to tell, it would seem that Dad's time on this Earth is (slowly) coming to an end. As painful as it would be to have a world without Dad, I do wish that he would simply and peacefully "go in his sleep". (I can write paragraphs and paragraphs about this one wish! It is UNFAIR how Dad is experiencing such an insidious aging process!!) Hopefully, Hospice will see fit to officially re-enter Dad into their care-management. At the very least, this will provide both Dad and his wife much-needed support. We are both hopeful.

I can go on and on. I know that I am not alone in experiencing a beloved parent deteriorate in body and mind.

Anyway. . . Life does go on. It does suck sometimes.

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Ted it sounds like you do in fact do a lot for your dad even though you may not visit him as much as you would like to.  Hopefully hospice will be an option for him, they can provide a lot of support.  Or if not hospice perhaps there is a role for palliative care

Morning Tweety

Better day at work yesterday, kinda getting used to all the changes, getting the hang of things more.  That's what worried me, whether or not I'd be able to adapt

Have another email from a recruiter, going to see what the position is.  Haven't officially started job searching but will investigate any reasonable offer that is made.  Hope by next month or two to actually be ready to start actually actively looking

J and I had a nice time last night at a restaurant near me that we hadn't been to in quite a while.   

Some snow and ice expected today but temperatures thankfully are pretty normal for this time of year

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Ted, I am confused. You wrote that it was agreed, if something happened to your dad, he wasn't to go to hospital. So, didn't his wife do what was agreed too?

I agree with Joe, you have been more than dutiful, Ted. You have gone above and beyond. Didn't you just spend a weekend looking for a car for step-mom?

It is another rainy, miserable day in the Blue Grass.

We are under a flood watch, once again.

It poured down rain, during the overnight and this morning.

It will pour down rain all day. We don't need another drop of rain. We are saturated.

The price of a bale of hay has increased from $5 to $9 because of the rain. There is a shortage of hay because it has been raining since October.

No one can cut their hay.

We are under a flood watch nearly weekly.

My plan is to bring in Biggie and Talli early. Very early.

Better they are warm and dry and eating hay, than standing in a cold, muddy, barren field.

Can you tell that I am OVER this weather???????

Safe travels.

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Lil Nel - This situation is a little bit more complicated than what I wrote. My sister is the one who wished my father went to the hospital when the TIAs took place. Although we ALL are on the same page in realizing my father's declining health, and in wanting the palliative level of support (Hospice) as my father declines, my sister was not happy when Dad's wife didn't contact the EMTs to take him to the hospital. In my sister's mind, the hospital might have offered case-management support so that when he was discharged home, proper equipment would be waiting for him (like a hoyer lift to help get him in and out of bed). Hopefully, Dad can get back into Hospice and that Hospice can order these type of special equipment for him. For clarification, Dad's current wife is his third wife. It is my observation that she is very kind to my father as she tends to her husband's needs. I do wish that she made different decisions in the past. I wish that she kept the 24/7 care that we planned for him. Gratefully, she seems to be beefing up the level of support that Dad requires as his health continues to decline. The person that I refer to as my "step-mother" is actually Dad's second wife. We've remained close after their divorce. For good for for bad, I do not feel comfortable calling Dad's third wife my "step-mother". I do the best to support the decisions that she makes, but I'm not necessarily close to her. Besides, she's actually closer to my age than she is to Dad's age! L O L!

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Oh Ted, I'm praying that this time is as easy as possible for you and your family. 

Lil Nel: I prayed that maybe Kentucky can have more dry days than rain for a while.

Sisters and I have a meeting at step-Mom's assisted living home Monday morning. The head caregiver suggested home health Monday when she was sick. I told her we would have to find out as much as possible so she called the home health agency. Then as I was trying to get her to the doctor, hoping she wouldn't have a seizure their marketing woman called me. I told her I will think about it after she is finished at the doctor.

She called eight more times when I didn't answer.

When she called the ninth time in a day I answered. I told her I had JUST gotten step-Mom in her own chair after a long struggle to get her out of the car. She would finally get one foot on the ground and back into the car. Three times she , with prodding turned and put both feet on the ground, and then back in the car and buckled her seat belt.

I asked her to PLEASE stand up and put both hands on her walker so we can go on the house. She said, "I'm too tired. I told her, "It is cold out here (52 F). I can lift you on to the seat and push you into the house. She said, "**** no", stood up and walked in the house, refused to go to bed, and fell asleep in her comfortable chair.

After I told that sales/marketing woman that she apologized. Then asked me to text her a copy of step-Mom's Medicare and supplement cards. I said, "No".

Yesterday she called again and I said, "Don't call me, I will call you." She called anyway. After talking with sisters we called her and offered Monday to meet. She said, I apologize for calling so much, but I just want to help. I asked if a caregiver can meet with us because I will not agree to any commitment I don't like and it must be in writing. She is sending a nurse. We will find out.  

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Happy Wednesday, everyone,

Is anyone getting any of the big storm that started in the gulf and is heading to the New England states besides me? Loads of places are closed in this area, and rightly so. 

Tweety, sounds like a boring day for you. I'm staying in and staying warm, plus I made some Ramen noodles for my lunch.

Ted, sorry about the Hospice mix-up with your mom. Hope everything works out alright for you. I was in hospice care a few years ago when my nurse placed me in assisted living. I have an Advanced Directive that names my wishes Prior to my dying and who I want what to go to. Hopefully nobody will argue about who gets what when I die. Nothing is worth arguing after. It all eventually turns to dust anyway. 

Are you still looking for another job Joe?

Herring, we had a very wet Spring, Summer, & Fall last year, and it looks like the wetness is going to carry on through this Winter. 

I think that mythical groundhog better crawl in a hole far far away from here and stay there. The Old Farmer's Almanac is far more accurate that animal.😖

 

 

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Yes, Fran, KY is getting inundated with rain from that storm.

Areas are flooding.

I got Biggie and Talli in before the second round of hard rain.

Talli's field looks as though there is a lovely pond in the middle of it. Nope. It is just flooded.

I think Talli is herd bound. He doesn't really want to leave the pasture, if his friends are still hanging out.

Biggie will always leave the herd if he knows food awaits him.

Went for a massage.

I am so relaxed, I could fall asleep standing up.

Wow. I needed that massage!

Oh, I have a better understanding now, Ted.

Did I know you have a sister?

I hope you are feeling better about things.

Time for dinner, ad I never ate lunch.

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2 hours ago, herring_RN said:

Oh Ted, I'm praying that this time is as easy as possible for you and your family. 

Lil Nel: I prayed that maybe Kentucky can have more dry days than rain for a while.

Sisters and I have a meeting at step-Mom's assisted living home Monday morning. The head caregiver suggested home health Monday when she was sick. I told her we would have to find out as much as possible so she called the home health agency. Then as I was trying to get her to the doctor, hoping she wouldn't have a seizure their marketing woman called me. I told her I will think about it after she is finished at the doctor.

She called eight more times when I didn't answer.

When she called the ninth time in a day I answered. I told her I had JUST gotten step-Mom in her own chair after a long struggle to get her out of the car. She would finally get one foot on the ground and back into the car. Three times she , with prodding turned and put both feet on the ground, and then back in the car and buckled her seat belt.

I asked her to PLEASE stand up and put both hands on her walker so we can go on the house. She said, "I'm too tired. I told her, "It is cold out here (52 F). I can lift you on to the seat and push you into the house. She said, "**** no", stood up and walked in the house, refused to go to bed, and fell asleep in her comfortable chair.

After I told that sales/marketing woman that she apologized. Then asked me to text her a copy of step-Mom's Medicare and supplement cards. I said, "No".

Yesterday she called again and I said, "Don't call me, I will call you." She called anyway. After talking with sisters we called her and offered Monday to meet. She said, I apologize for calling so much, but I just want to help. I asked if a caregiver can meet with us because I will not agree to any commitment I don't like and it must be in writing. She is sending a nurse. We will find out.  

Wow. Talk about a hard sell, herring.

I had to read your post twice, to fully understand.

You would think the would honor your request of: Don't call me, I'll call you.

Hmm.

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4 hours ago, Ted said:

Lil Nel - This situation is a little bit more complicated than what I wrote. My sister is the one who wished my father went to the hospital when the TIAs took place. Although we ALL are on the same page in realizing my father's declining health, and in wanting the palliative level of support (Hospice) as my father declines, my sister was not happy when Dad's wife didn't contact the EMTs to take him to the hospital. In my sister's mind, the hospital might have offered case-management support so that when he was discharged home, proper equipment would be waiting for him (like a hoyer lift to help get him in and out of bed). Hopefully, Dad can get back into Hospice and that Hospice can order these type of special equipment for him. For clarification, Dad's current wife is his third wife. It is my observation that she is very kind to my father as she tends to her husband's needs. I do wish that she made different decisions in the past. I wish that she kept the 24/7 care that we planned for him. Gratefully, she seems to be beefing up the level of support that Dad requires as his health continues to decline. The person that I refer to as my "step-mother" is actually Dad's second wife. We've remained close after their divorce. For good for for bad, I do not feel comfortable calling Dad's third wife my "step-mother". I do the best to support the decisions that she makes, but I'm not necessarily close to her. Besides, she's actually closer to my age than she is to Dad's age! L O L!

Can dad's wife manage a Hoyer lift?

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Lil Nel - I don't know. She is a retired RN. She knows HOW to manage one. Hopefully the home health aides would know how to manage one, though.

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3 minutes ago, Ted said:

Lil Nel - I don't know. She is a retired RN. She knows HOW to manage one. Hopefully the home health aides would know how to manage one, though.

I had no idea this woman is a retired RN.

Interesting, Ted.

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