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VickiannB VickiannB (New Member) New Member

Want to help obese daughter

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Is this still active? My problem sounds much like the original post, with the exception that my daughter has turned nasty and barely does any activity. Just home from a family vacation where my daughter would unzip her pants in public and complain about everything...including the healthy food the others of us were choosing. Her joints hurt, she burps alot, and hangs her head and shoulders, and complains she can't breathe.

My husband knows we can't do anything, but it is embarrassing to see her display such rude behavior and not participate in activities the others of us enjoy.

Butt out seems the easy way out to me. Ignore the fresh person she has become, ignore unzipping your pants and critisism of others who order a salad. She wears sweat pants and slipper everywhere.

Love her and proud of all she has done. We have the best phone conversations but when in person...oh boy. but why if I want the most for her, why if I want her to address what torments her is that wrong? If she was a friend I could walk away, but she is my child...my other daughter and I are the brunt of her critisism, but she has not faltered to put down my husband in public from time to time.

As above she is in social work, and suffers from anxiety, and has overcome many things in her life due to PTSD from Rape 10 years ago. But the new obesity in her life (maybe 5 years since reaching 200 and three to 240+ )has made her tough to be around. She went from a kind athlete of a child to dark adult after the Rape and now to a mean person who is obese and inactive. Really I should BUTT OUT?

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Is this still active? My problem sounds much like the original post, with the exception that my daughter has turned nasty and barely does any activity. Just home from a family vacation where my daughter would unzip her pants in public and complain about everything...including the healthy food the others of us were choosing. Her joints hurt, she burps alot, and hangs her head and shoulders, and complains she can't breathe.

My husband knows we can't do anything, but it is embarrassing to see her display such rude behavior and not participate in activities the others of us enjoy.

Butt out seems the easy way out to me. Ignore the fresh person she has become, ignore unzipping your pants and critisism of others who order a salad. She wears sweat pants and slipper everywhere.

Love her and proud of all she has done. We have the best phone conversations but when in person...oh boy. but why if I want the most for her, why if I want her to address what torments her is that wrong? If she was a friend I could walk away, but she is my child...my other daughter and I are the brunt of her critisism, but she has not faltered to put down my husband in public from time to time.

As above she is in social work, and suffers from anxiety, and has overcome many things in her life due to PTSD from Rape 10 years ago. But the new obesity in her life (maybe 5 years since reaching 200 and three to 240+ )has made her tough to be around. She went from a kind athlete of a child to dark adult after the Rape and now to a mean person who is obese and inactive. Really I should BUTT OUT?

I don't think her weight is the issue, more like the side effect of deep seated depression. First and foremost, sad to know that she was raped. I'm sure it's hurtful to know as a parent and even more devastating that you feel helpless watching her become someone you know she's not. However, it appears she needs mental health treatment more urgently than weight loss treatment. Maybe it's a coping mechanism, as in "If I'm hateful to people and keep them away, they'll leave me alone and I don't have to worry about being raped again" type thing. It may also be the mindset of "If I let my appearance go men won't find me attractive and I don't have to worry about them wanting to rape me." Whatever the beginning is, the bottom line, in my opinion, is she's doing everything the opposite of what she used to do or whom she used to be cause maybe she feels it will ward off being attacked again.

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Thank you for writing this , your honesty really helped me , I kind of felt like I was almost reading the story o my daughter and me minus the lap band and a few small details..even though you got sort of reprimanded you graciously accepted help in redirecting yourself for your daughters sake so I feel this honesty and sharing is helping everyone here.

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Thank you for posting this..yours and others posts here are literally an answer to a deep, heartfelt prayer I had,...to know how to handle this situation with my beautiful, extremely sensitive, weight challenged daughter...now I know how to handle this whole situation much better, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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My daughter walks around like that at times too and drags her pant legs on the floor..when I pointed out it might not be sanitary she said she tucks her pant legs in outside, but since we spoke with the help of appealing to her logic she has been wearing pants styled in a way to not drag !!..my daughter also has told us she was raped and taken advantage of by a boy , recently she said its good she is overweight so no attackers can pick her up easily to kidnap her...my next prayer focus is to see how I can help direct her to get counseling for the rape she said happened years ago.

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