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Ted Ted, BSN (New Member) New Member Platinum Nurse

Tuesday - March 5th, 2019 - Good Morning!

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Good Morning -

Just wanting to touch bases with you all before another day passes by. . . 

Life has been surreal. Not bad. Not good. Just surreal.

I spent time with Dad last week. He's definitely weak in body and mind. The expressive aphasia, from the recent TIAs, is really hard for me to see. (It's hard for all of us to see.) But his spirits are "good". His precious sense of humor remains intact, which is really both adorable and fascinating. He laughter and bright smile warms the heart! On rare occasions he "blurts" out a sentence or two that is easily understandable. This seems to happen when his verbal response is spontaneous, which is often a response to a silly joke that I made. When his thoughts are less "spontaneous" is when the aphasia seems to kick in. My sister and brother-in-law spent this past week-end with Dad, which was nice. (I had to work this past week-end.) Obviously, seeing Dad de-conditioned (and bed-bound) from the TIAs is painful for my sister (as it is for me). Although we're both "angry" in seeing Dad in this state, my sister's anger is focused more towards "L", Dad's wife. A lot of my sister's current anger seems to be a continuation of the old anger and frustration that she has towards "L". Although I share much of my sister's frustration in past decisions made by "L" towards my father and his health, I like to believe that I pretty much let those frustrations go. I like to believe that I hold a "that was then, this is now" philosophy (or outlook) to the relationship between Dad and "L". Let's face it. The "This is Now" reality is way beyond anyone's control and/or "bad decisions" made toward this situation. Our differing views toward all things surrounding my Dad is what makes life so surreal. "L" is grieving the loss of her husband. My sister grieves her Father's state of health, and continues to hold anger towards a woman who has made poor choices in the past (and possibly in the present) but truly loves her husband. Me??!!?? I just grieve towards Dad's significant decline and painfully SLOW ascent towards his "Maker". Of course I'm angry too!! I'm angry towards a "Deity" that my Father faithfully worshiped as an Episcopal Priest, demonstrating this devotion by providing faithful Pastoral Care towards many, many, many people, in and out of the congregations that he served, for well over 50 years. My Father was (is) the working definition to the words, "Pastoral Ministry". Now? He seems abandoned by his god. To be clear, though, I KNOW that what is happening to my Father is NOT how Life Works. With the perceived good and the perceived bad, I KNOW that Life just Happens. But for now, this is how I focus my anger and profound feelings of helplessness.

Dad's humor is really amazing. He seems to "get" the silly jokes and comments that I make. We've always shared a silly sense of humor between the two of us. Actually, my loving sister also shares this silly humor, too. Despite what is happening to his body and mind, my father demonstrates a core personality that is loving, gentle, and appreciative of the "lighter and sillier" things that life has to bring.

I worked this past Thursday through Sunday nights. I am off from work tonight. I work Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Then, I'm off for the next four nights during which time I'll be visiting my Father, again, Thursday into Friday. (Saturday and Sunday I plan on spending with my wife.)

I hope all is well with everyone. You are all good people. I'll try to be better in participating more faithfully to our "Daily Diary". In the meanwhile, I wish you all Peace. 

Ted

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Ted I'm sorry to hear about your dad's continued decline, I know that's not easy to witness.  I'm glad you're able to let go of your feelings toward his current wife and just accept what the current moment is.  And I'm glad  you're able to spend time with him, even if communication is becoming difficult

Stars it's a new movie with Rebel Wilson

Up early, going to start early and leave early today.  Was going to help out with the church's Fat Tuesday pancake breakfast.  However, instead I'm going to have a phone interview with a staffing agency immediately after work.  I've already talked with them briefly and provided a resume and references.  They don't have anything i would want right now but are interested.  Also waiting to hear back from another recruiter who contacted me.  Got two more recruiters contacts but they were for floor RN positions out of state

So things were a bit crazy yesterday.  Anxiety was pretty high, might need to see a counselor for a bit to deal with some of these feelings.  Although even thinking about how my previous counselor might respond helps me to calm down

My brother in law announced that his father passed away yesterday morning.  I talked with dad and he said there wasn't a date for a memorial service yet, the family wants to wait until the weather is better

It was very cold yesterday and will be almost as cold today, but by the end of the week it will finally be springlike

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Good Morning-

Ted-Sending you love and hugs.  I know this is a difficult time for you and your family.  I am glad you have time to spend with your father.  The love you have for each other is evident.  I wish you all peace and comfort as you go through this journey.

Joe-Sorry to hear about BIL's father.  I hope your interviewing process goes well and there's some great opportunities out there.

It's pretty cold out today, and temps are supposed to stay in the low 20s for several days.  At least there's no snow in the immediate future. I ended up working a half day yesterday.  The DPW did a fabulous job clearing the main roads, which were down to bare asphalt by the time I left at 11:30.  

Time to get ready to go.  Hope all are well.

 

 

 

 

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Good morning to all.

More hugs sent to Ted.

I know this is a very difficult time for you, and your family.

Condolences to you, Joe.

Yes, BC, the northeast knows how to do snow removal.

I remember getting 12 inches of snow in Manchester, NH, and highway leading to Concord, was cleared to pavement.

Outstanding!

You don't get that down here, even though it snows.

It is sunny but frigid today.

It is so cold, the equine dentist cancelled Biggie's appointment today. We rescheduled for next week.

Slept for 12 hours. Feel good today.

Hope all have a good day.

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Good morning.

Ted, glad you're able to let go.  Whose to say any of those decisions would have stopped father time and mother nature and he wouldn't be in the exact shame shape he is now.  Best not to dwell on them and stay present.  

BC, I think that cold is heading our way.  Going to be in the 40's tonight and going back to the 80's in the same week.  Crazy.

Joe, sorry about BIL's father and hope you keep the anxiety in check.  

Nel, wish I could sleep 12 hours.  I could use it.

Still I slept 7ish hours and feel good.  Got up at 5AM and fed the dogs and was able to get another couple of hours sleep.  I immediately went to the kitchen and did my old standby of beans and quinoa for the next four days lunches and pasta for dinners.  Mopped the floors.  Going in at 11:00 but eating lunch first.  Last Tuesday I didn't get a lunch break and want to be fortified with a full belly before going in.

Hope everyone has a great day.

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Hope the shift is kind to you, Tweety, and that you get the three patient assignment.

It is 14 degrees here.

Yes, too cold to stick cold metal in Biggie's mouth.

I hope my parking lot cats are okay.

I tried to load them up on food yesterday.

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Hello nurses!

Ted: prayers for you and your family. 

Tweety: Have a good shift earning the bonus. We were both working and goind to school in the eighties.

 Enjoy your cold day after a nice long sleep, Nel!

Hi Joe: Getting started to find a job is good. Glad you take your time.

BCgradnurse: Glad they cleared the roads.

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Afternoon--

Ted, what a sad time; warm thoughts and ((((hugs)))). 

Joe, I often think of what The-Little-Janice*-In-My-Head (as I refer to my long-time psychologist) would say to me or what she might suggest when I am having a bumpy time of things. It is kind of comforting. When I told her that about The-Little-[*not her real name] In-My-Head, she laughed and said she was happy that some of what we'd dealt with in the past 'took'. Between her in my head and my mother in my heart, I've got good teachers of Life./ Sorry to hear about your BiL's dad.

BCg and Nel, I sure remember clear roads after a snow in New England. In my home town if we woke up in the middle of the night hearing snowplows, we knew it had started snowing. It used to be said that the minute the first flake hit the ground, Mr. E. was out taking care of the roads. Also was a well known fact that when you got to our town-line, you'd have no driving problems because the roads were ALWAYS CLEAR!  Didn't often get school canceled due to snow, unless it was predicted to just keep falling. Usually there had to be more than a foot by the time daylight came around before they'd let us off. 

Today I got  out and about. The sun is shining! I went to the post office, the library, and walked the Mall, but did no shopping. Got the slow leak of one of my rear tires taken care of, after spending too many quarters to fill the tire at a convenience store where it costs $1.50 to $1.75 for dern AIR!  Well, it was a nail in the tire, but it ain't no more! 

Hubby took Nannie to her hairdresser and out to lunch. Nannie is again not pleased with her hair. I complimented her when she came home (good dgt-in-law that I am. Uh-huh) and here's what I heard: "She cut it too short. I can't go back for two weeks. There's not enough curl to last for two weeks. She'd better give me a perm when I go back." But to tell you the truth, it doesn't look any different to ME, perm or perm-less. She still hasn't noticed the haircut I got, but that's okay, she is so completely Nannie-centric, if she DID notice and say something, I'd have to pick my jaw up off the floor.

Okay, all for now. Everybody hang in there!

 

Edited by No Stars In My Eyes

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Ted, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Thinking of you and your family and sending virtual hugs your way. 

Condolences to you Joe. Anxiety is a horrible burden, hopeful you can work through it. 

Snow. Phhhllttt. I am over it. We still have snow in the back yard in the shady parts, and some more possible in the forecast. It doesn't snow much in these parts, so very little tax dollars are budgeted for removal. So when it hits, things close. That, and we get awful winds that will drift and cover roads faster than they can be plowed. Even on the interstate, I have had to dodge drifts. Typically, a few days after snowfall, it will warm up and rain and bye-bye, snow. When we lived in Idaho, however, they were pros at snow removal, similar to your descriptions of New England. 

It was tough to come back to work. I had a huge pile of email to wade through, and I heard rumors about an unpleasant job assignment, but the supervisor who could give me the facts is out. I worked out my new half time schedule, so that I will work 2 1/2 days each week, alternating M-T-W wiith W-Th-F, so I will have a stretch of 6 days off every other week. Now if I can just tolerate scatterbrains I will work with, things will be good. There is no reason,in my opinion, to spend 2 hours each week to review 10 or 11 patients. 

I have an appointment with a retinal specialist tomorrow, because I have have a detachment. Ugh. I dread eye appointments the way most people dread dentists. And they are going to dilate my eyes. Yuck! 

Sigh, read you all later, 

j22

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