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nurseohnurse nurseohnurse (New Member) New Member

To love or not to love, that is the question.

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Hi everyone,

I just spent quite a while looking through this site and I'm already attached to the wonderful posts made by others.

I apologize in advance for being a bore and bringing probably such an unnecessary question to the discussion board. However, I do think you lovely nurses out there might be of help. I am employed in a general medicine unit filled with amazing co-workers (well majority of them) and best of all, my bff male nurse. He is just absolutely gorgeous and the sweetest person on earth. We have been good friends since the day I began working there, a little over 2 years. We spend time together outside work and share great moments of laughter and happiness but also act professionally at work (with the occasional appropriate jokes and good times with the rest of the staff).

So during our OUTSIDE gatherings, sometimes with other staff too, the chemistry is just crazy and we both stopped denying it awhile back. However, I still feel uneasy about the whole situation and keep telling him (and myself) it would not work and if something happened I don't want to risk both of our professional working environments. I love my job, my staff members and my patients. And I know he loves his job for all the same reasons and more.

He thinks I'm overreacting and that I should just let things happen as they may. I know I am 100% dedicated to my work and can be professional when I need to be, but I have to be realistic too. If we decided to have a relationship beyond the friendship basis and something goes wrong, how could we both work together and be completely professional?

The days he's not working, I miss working with him. I sometimes contemplate switching to a different unit or leaving the hospital altogether so I can ensure we have a healthy relationship outside work but then again with this economy, I have to be rationale.

So nurses, have you been in a similar or heard of a situation like this? Would you just go for it or be concerned and give up on this amazing man?

Thanks for listening.

"Nurses are angels in comfortable shoes"

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One of you should transfer to another unit or at the very least, different shifts. If the chemistry is there, it will remain.

If one of you is ever in charge, or wants to move up, then you will be forced to make a change. Do it now, before any type of problem arises.

Best wishes!

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I understand your hesitation in relation to work, however I am a true believer in soul mates, "the one" and the enjoyment that comes from being with someone that really matters.

It sounds like you have both taken a lot of time to get to know each other, and it is more than just a work fling. Proceed with caution, but take it from someone who moved six states from home to be with a man she met in an online video game. Two years blissfully married and working on children. Sometimes chances are worth it.

Tait

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I wouldn't give up on an amazing man! There are far too few to go around! j/k- for something like this if you do not "act silly" in the workplace, don't talk about it at work, take things slowly and see how it unfolds I don't see a big problem with it. If you've known each other for two years already and haven't gone that route, you sound like you've got the control and discipline to handle it.

The relationships that go horribly wrong often end up that way partly because the participants choose to view their co-workers as spectators in their drama, fuel the gossip mill, talk trash if things don't work out or simply bore people to death talking about themselves. Doesn't sound to me like you fall into that category either.

Many nurses right here on allnurses married their coworkers. Just be careful and again, proceed slowly-- good luck to you! :)

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It seems to me that you have already vested so much care and thought into this situation that you would definitely be able to handle any issues that might arise.

Don't walk away from your potential future!

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You only get one chance at life, from your post I consider you a very sensible person who has viewed everything from all angles. I would as others have said keep it away from the gossips at work and go slowly.

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I agree!!! Your unit probably would have made both your lives miserable long ago, if they were going to... just keep on keeping on as you both have been, respectful and mindful of things. If you feel one of you needs to change units to allow your relationship to grow then do it. Both should check new opportunities out, take the time to think them through and be sure not to change jobs unless it's a good opportunity.

Ahhh Love, it's gotta come first if you are lucky enough to really have it.

:flwrhrts:

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If you're in love...follow your heart, my friend!

I do agree, though, that it might be wise to work in different departments, or at least on different shifts. In my healthcare system, spouses are only allowed to work in the same department if they are on different shifts. I don't know of any rules regarding unmarried lovers, though.

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I met my husband at my job, and now, we have been blissfully married for 11 years. He is my absolute soul mate. Each time I look at his gentle smile, when he holds me with those protective arms, I KNOW I made the right decision. I have never been happier with another man.

However, I also know that on the job relationships can get dicey, especially if you two work in the same department (not the case for my husband and I-we also work different shifts, now). And, I have been burned from previous on the job romances to the point that I was sincerely uncomfortable even hearing his name.

You say that you love your job. And, it seems that this is not a fling...that both of you are taking great pains to get to know each other. Sometimes, life is about taking chances. For what it is worth, I would just have a discussion with him about worst case scenerios and say that no matter what happens, let's be mature and discrete about it and take love when it knocks on your door.

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A job is nothing more than a job, but a good man is irreplaceable. You never know, because he may turn out to be "the one." Don't refuse to have a fulfilling future with this male coworker over a job that might not very well be there in 30 years.

Even if he does not work out, the risk seems well worth it to me.

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I have worked with many co-workers that have met at work -- even on the same unit -- and subsequently married. There are a lot of nurse-nurse couples out there. You might want to check with your HR department or your manager on what is/is not allowed in the workplace. I don't think that they can get involved if you completely keep it on the down low and outside of the workplace, but often, if a couple gets married, they don't let them work together. One place I worked I did work with a married couple on the same unit, but they were forced to work opposite shifts.

Don't throw away a relationship just because you work together, as many posters have said. "The One" is hard to come by.

Best wishes to you .... it is so nice to hear from happy people on here once in awhile!

:redbeathe

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A job is nothing more than a job, but a good man is irreplaceable. You never know, because he may turn out to be "the one." Don't refuse to have a fulfilling future with this male coworker over a job that might not very well be there in 30 years.

Even if he does not work out, the risk seems well worth it to me.

Never pass up a chance with a bff like you have. Let the relationship grow freely to nurture you both. I'm 57 and single and disabled. I treasure my memories of love. Jobs? Eh! I guarentee you'll have lots of opportunities at nursing jobs. I can not guarentee you'll ever have another bff. :redbeatheWishing you a long happy life with your bff, and a nice career too, I guess.

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