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Ruby Vee Ruby Vee (Member)

The Mother Who Didn't Like Her Child

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You are reading page 3 of The Mother Who Didn't Like Her Child. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

I have always said I have six "only children." Each one is the best.

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I do hope that you all forgive and i pray that God will heal your hurt hearts.One thing i believe is that if we do not forgive, we give the offender the hold over us. Therefore I try to "Let go and Let God". Hugs all around

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i can't imagine a parent having favorites...

but knowing all the horrific abuse out there, it wouldn't surprise me.

when i have 1:1 with ea of my children, i love talking about the unique qualities that ea child has.

i've done this their entire lives and ea feels very special.

leslie

this is why you are so loved by your children leslie. god has given you a lot of wisdom on how to raise your children.

i am so sorry to hear this about you ruby, and everyone else who has been abused. i also was a victim of beatings and my twin sister and i were both told we weren't meant to be born, that we weren't wanted. it caused me to grow up with being a quiet kid because i didn't want to say anything that would make my mother angry. she even had a knife at my throat once and said; "i'll slit your g d throat you little b....! you go ------.

i was also sexually abused by my father. the reason i mention this is due to the fact that he also died of dementia after he had a stroke. while he was in the nursing home, he kept mentioning my name. i'm glad i lived another state away by then. you see, he justified why he abused me, and i think he felt he was sorry, but was too ashamed to tell me he was.

i have since forgiven both. it was difficult, but i know that if i didn't i would never really be free of it.

 

i now realize that my mother was spoiled by my grandfather when she was growing up. she was the baby and the only girl of three children. my grandfather did not do her any favors. no, any child who isn't properly disciplined and loved grows up mixed up, and doesn't know how to properly relate to others. she married my father because their parents were neighbors and thought they would be good mates.

 

after the 5 of us came along within less than 4 years, it's no wonder my mother was a wreck. she was much more intelligent than my father was, and even won a scholarship prior to graduation. my father on the other hand was born to an ignorant father who locked him in a woodshed when he was 2. his mother died during childbirth at that time, and all the children became separated. my father's real last name is wright, but the family goes by his adopted name. my father had a good second wife who never let him get away with anything, so his second set of children grew up properly, and i'm glad.

 

my brother was spoiled too. the pattern continued with my mother. he was the youngest and the only boy. he is now dead because he didn't have enough fortitude to break away. like my mother, he too became a substance abuser, and didn't understand how to properly raise his family either.

 

in a sense, i now know that even though mine was a tough childhood, and i will always carry some scars, i now know that through god's help, and not being spoiled, gave me perseverance. i was the only one out of all 5 of us who graduated high school, and i encouraged both of my children to go on to college to better themselves. they both have masters degrees in their fields, and i am a very happy grandma who now has a male friend who i can really share my mind with without feeling guilty or ashamed.

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it always fascinates me to see how offspring of abusive parents, turn out.

like you, fran.

you were the product of a hateful and horrific environment...

and still, grew up into a loving, sensitive, gracious woman.

a true legend in my own heart.:redbeathe

leslie

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Hey, Did you have my mother?

I walked out of the house after high school, and didn't see her again till I was 40.

My brother and sisters tried to get me come back to the family.

I gave 'the be part of the family' a try.

But I learned 2 things that I can pass along;

1. If a person doesn't want to change - they won't, and my mother didn't want to change.

2. "You can never go back", because it ain't gonna be O.K.

She died in Sept 2010.

As she lay on her death bed, she mouthed the words "I love You" .

I didn't respond.

I just watched.

I just watched out of curiousity - watching someone die.

At the funeral I felt bad.

Not because she was dead.

But because I didn't feel much inside - I knew I was really messed up in the head - and THAT made me feel bad.

So, yes - - there are mothers who don't care for their children.

Sometimes they smother them, sometimes they drown them.

And sometimes they just screw up their kid's head up and make their childrens' lives crap.

Good ol' mom

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hey, did you have my mother?

i walked out of the house after high school, and didn't see her again till i was 40.

my brother and sisters tried to get me come back to the family.

i gave 'the be part of the family' a try.

but i learned 2 things that i can pass along;

1. if a person doesn't want to change - they won't, and my mother didn't want to change.

2. "you can never go back", because it ain't gonna be o.k.

she died in sept 2010.

as she lay on her death bed, she mouthed the words "i love you" .

i didn't respond.

i just watched.

i just watched out of curiousity - watching someone die.

at the funeral i felt bad.

not because she was dead.

but because i didn't feel much inside - i knew i was really messed up in the head - and that made me feel bad.

so, yes - - there are mothers who don't care for their children.

sometimes they smother them, sometimes they drown them.

and sometimes they just screw up their kid's head up and make their childrens' lives crap.

good ol' mom

actually, my mother died at age 42 from being high on drugs and ran through the kitchen where our house fire began. it took me many years to forgive my parents, but i'm thankful i did. it was what freed me from a hateful attitude toward them.

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Reading Fran's story was almost heartbreaking for me. I say "almost" because her ability to forgive lifted me up again. How easy it is for a parent to ruin a child's life, and take away their childhood - yet you, Fran, in the face of such horrific abuse, never really allowed them to do that. Forgiving them for their horrific crimes against you is above commendation; you stand as a shining example of the power of the human spirit to overcome against all odds.

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Goonie, it took many years for me to do that, but it was God who gave me the strength. I am so glad it happened, and I thank you very much for your kind words. He takes the credit, and I really have reaped the benefit.

Edited by FranEMTnurse

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My Mom didn't have favorites. She beat all of us, allowed us to be molested by the boyfriend of the week, and screamed at us. As soon as each one turned 18, we all got the heck out of dodge. Now, she wonders why none of her children will talk to her.:confused:

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Ruby, I am so sorry you were treated like that. I think your mom probably couldn't really help it, but that probably doesn't help you very much. I am praying that God will somehow comfort you.

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My mother did not beat us, she just made sure that we understood per her words "no one wants to hear what you have to say." She never said I love you. We would tell her how our day was and she would literally put her hand up and say "I do not want to hear it". There are many more like this and it was the standard not the exception. Sometimes the abuse just in verbal degradation could be just as bad as physical abuse.

She does not display this much while her kids are adults. Except a couple of weeks ago I saw her and it all came out again. She seemed to think the talking down to me was funny. My husband thought she was being funny and egged it on. I took him outside to smoke (I rarely light up) and advised him that she was serious.

My father on the other hand can't seem to understand why his kids ignore him. That is what he did when my parents divorced. He moved to another state and never called. When he did he whined that we never called him. I was 5.

All my siblings feel the same. We grew up upper middle class and were taught that anyone else was trash. We had good grades and did well in school. Even at 38 years old, the topic of my up bringing makes me cringe. Luckily I married a man whose parents are loving, open and honest which helped me understand that not all parents think the same as mine. (For the longest I believed that is how your parents are supposed to treat you)

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Ruby, I am so sorry you were treated like that. I think your mom probably couldn't really help it, but that probably doesn't help you very much. I am praying that God will somehow comfort you.

I'm sorry, can you explain that to me?

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