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The Mother Who Didn't Like Her Child

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You are reading page 2 of The Mother Who Didn't Like Her Child. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

This happens all to often. The Mother goes through Post pardom depression. Where they will bond with one child and not the other. It happens in the animal kingdom as well. Dose this split a family in two you betcha.

Where the one child is let out on many thing and the sibling get's all the glory. What does that say about the parent. Well Most people get hurt by this call it favoritism. And in reality The Mother is the one who should be seeking help. As a sibling it's hard not to feel resentment against their other brothers and sister's.

My wife and my daughter has gone through this. Where her sister's daughter get's all the glory and my daughter and wife and even her brother and family get's treated like crap. I have felt it as well to where she will ask me to do something then turn around and compare me to my BIL who is married to the sister. So where do you find a happy place in all this mess. Well realize first it's not your fault.

And this sort of thing just happens. No one can really explain it. I won't tell you to have little or no contact with the parent. Ff it makes you feel better then do so. Also seek help get closure on the manner. And do not repete in your own family.

I hope all of you who are suffering with this issue you find your own way to deal and get closure. And know deep down your parent does really love you. Also keep in mind when you were going through this your father was going through it with you. The term Daddy's Girl or Boy is really a term when the other parent see's what's happening and brings you closer to them taking up the slack of the other parent or lack there of and they reason why they don't remember because this is a trauma to them and with that the mind blocks it out or make's it so it wasn't as bad as it was.

No parent want's to admit they have no feelings for their own child it's hard to even think of it and in doing so the mind covers it up so they can deal with it... Anthony

Edited by KarmaWiseRaven

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Oh IDK. I honestly don't try to see good in bad people. My family is a bit like this and down to grandchildren too. I see it clearly. I never forgive and never forget this kind of stuff. However, I try to move on when I am witness to it. Should my parents turn a leaf someday in a nursing home, although I will reassess, I know that most likely it will be due to the ultimate loss of control for them (knowing that being unkind is not wise when you rely on others to care for you) or dementia.

Ruby, I get you.

I know I sound very unforgiving. I am unforgiving about a very few things in life. I do not believe that because one becomes elderly, that they suddenly become angelic. Bad is bad.

"Boy, you're gonna carry that weight, carry that weight a long time"

--This is why I don't forgive people who do this to their family.

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I love you, Ruby. And I find you intelligent and beautiful. Thank you for baring your soul to your cyber-friends. I wish I could give you a real hug, but a virtual one will have to do.

You are a treasure to anyone who takes the time to see you. :redbeathe

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Despised middle child here too!

I was in a similar situation growing up and now. I had a terrible mother. She made the Grandma in Flowers in the Attack look like a saint. Although she was evil to all of us kids, she had a particular hatred towards me. My Grandmother did as well. I never understood it and I still don't. My Grandmother was just as crazy as my mother though but she favored my sister. We spent numerous summers with my grandparents and my Grandpa was always very equal to us kids, although know in adulthood he too has favored my sister. I have tried so many times in my life to give my Bio Mother chances, only once in her life did she admit to the things she did, which didn't matter because later she took it all back and said I watched to much TV growing up. Yet my siblings and I have the same memories. She was evil to the core, not only was she physically and mentally abusive, she let the many men in her life come in and sexual abuse me. When I was 15 I started standing up to her and I was kicked out of the house and moved in with my boy friend. My grandmother committed suicide at that time and days before she did it she called me up to tell em what a terrible person I was and I was going to be nothing but a drug addicted whore like my mother. I think because of that and her treatment of me, her death had no impact on me. I wasn't able to go to the funeral because I had no way to make it up to go and I had no money, as I was 15 and alone in the state. I decided it would be a good idea to get pregnant after I was kicked out as well. Not because I was careless but I wanted a baby so I could for once feel loved, I knew my kiddo would love me no matter what, I knew I would always love them. So to me, having a baby was going to fill this big empty heart I had and finally give me that love I so desperately craved. Of course at 15 it sounded like a great idea.

I try not to hold any hatred towards my mother, I have in no way forgiven her, but I have no feelings for her. I often times don't even think about her anymore. I think it's sad that she is almost 50 years old and no relationship with her children and grandchildren but it's her own doing. I was recently forced to deal with her again, my brother committed suicide in Jan. Although I know it's a choice he made, it's so hard not to hold hatred towards my mother. She messed her children up so bad that suicide is always in option in our minds. It's something I have battled with since I was a teenager and it's something I struggle with and always will struggle with. It's something my sister has had to struggle with. It's something my brother struggled with and it eventually caught up with him. What hurts the most is I understand that pain he was feeling and it breaks my heart that he got to a place that he felt so helpless and all alone that he thought death was better then living with that pain, it breaks my heart that I know exactly what that feels like and it angers me that she did this to us. It took all my might not to jump up at the funeral and go up and break her nose as she stood up at the stand recalling her loving memories of us growing up. How she found my brother one time completely covered in mud and how he looked at her and smiled and said "I'm a boy mom, it's what I do" what she left out is how after that she beat him black and blue and then beat my sister and I for not watching him better. How she stuck us all in a scolding hot tub to teach us a lesson. She tried to make it all about her. Well I can't give her any more chances, I have tried to forgive her and give her chances over and over again. Each time she does what she does best again. Each time she turns it all about her and says how ungrateful and uncaring her children are.

Well it's come up again because apparently she has a brain tumor. (I didn't believe it until my grandpa saw the proof) my mother was a bad hypochondriac who always had something medically wrong for attention. She has had 4 hysterectomies in her life :uhoh3: Well she is finally having surgery I guess for this brain tumor next week and I just so happen am going to be in town. My sister recently had a baby and it will be the last baby on my side of the family. She named him after my brother. She already has a son. My brother had a son and then there are my 3 sons and daughter. My sister and I can't have anymore children and my brother is gone. So anyway, I am going to be in town to visit her and will probably stop by to see my grandpa. My mother lives on the same street as him. Well everyone keeps laying on the guilt about how life is short and I should see her and forgive her and this and that. I am someone that always caves and doesn't know how to say no because I always feel guilty. Well I am not caving this time. Life is short, I know this, I know this when my brother was taken from me. Again, I know it was his choice, but come on. How on earth did us kids really have a chance with what we went through. If I was some drug addicted crack whore it would be completely understandably. My brother was never someone to burden anyone with his problems and his depression. He always had a smile on his face and kept it all inside. He wasn't allowed to show emotion growing up. It just kills me. Like I said, I know she didn't do make him do what he did, but she sure helped play a role in it all.

I will never ever understand how people can be this way to children. I don't understand cruelty to children period. Let alone to your own children. I just don't get it.

I don't have any great words of wisdom. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. :redpinkhe

Edited by ~Mi Vida Loca~RN

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wow-so sorry to hear your childhood was like that.

i just can't understand how people can be cruel to kids. my husband too had a rough childhood cause by his step-mom, the stories that he tells me make me cry. i beleive in karma, as i believe she got what she deserved at the end, she got a brain tumor and begged for my husband to go see her. i bet she wanted to clear her guilty conciense but my husband never went to go see her before she died.

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Goodness, reading all of this makes me feel horrible and made me cry.

I was (and, still to this day) the favorite child.

Growing up, it was cool knowing I was the fav.

Later on, it got a little uncomfortable to the point I'd act out, stir up trouble, etc., to be punished so my sibling wouldn't be the one who was "less-liked".

As a young adult and after leaving home, I finally saw that I was truly the favorite to the point where one parent said, "I love you, but don't tell (name of sibling) that I don't love (him/her)". My sibling was merely a person who lived in the same house where I grew up.

Today, this sibling has MANY MANY issues and blames me for a lot of why said sibling was treated that way growing up. I guess in a way, I understand, but this sibling hasn't a clue just how much it crushed me later on in life to know the truth.

I swore that I would NEVER EVER make my children feel the way my sibling and I felt. And, I don't think I have. Sure, there were days when I enjoyed one over the other, but I always made it a point that I loved them dearly.

Once, one child asked me how I could love them both the same? I just said, "I love you both; no more and no less, and one day you'll understand". Today, they understand, having more than one child each, and told me much the same.

I do feel so sorry that children are treated like some of you. It is so very very sad and I wish that I could personally make up for it with everyone (the mom in me).

God bless you all and ((((HUGS)))).

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Goodness, reading all of this makes me feel horrible and made me cry.

I was (and, still to this day) the favorite child.

Growing up, it was cool knowing I was the fav.

Later on, it got a little uncomfortable to the point I'd act out, stir up trouble, etc., to be punished so my sibling wouldn't be the one who was "less-liked".

As a young adult and after leaving home, I finally saw that I was truly the favorite to the point where one parent said, "I love you, but don't tell (name of sibling) that I don't love (him/her)". My sibling was merely a person who lived in the same house where I grew up.

Today, this sibling has MANY MANY issues and blames me for a lot of why said sibling was treated that way growing up. I guess in a way, I understand, but this sibling hasn't a clue just how much it crushed me later on in life to know the truth.

I swore that I would NEVER EVER make my children feel the way my sibling and I felt. And, I don't think I have. Sure, there were days when I enjoyed one over the other, but I always made it a point that I loved them dearly.

Once, one child asked me how I could love them both the same? I just said, "I love you both; no more and no less, and one day you'll understand". Today, they understand, having more than one child each, and told me much the same.

I do feel so sorry that children are treated like some of you. It is so very very sad and I wish that I could personally make up for it with everyone (the mom in me).

God bless you all and ((((HUGS)))).

Sometimes I worry that I treat my kids differently, I get frustrated with my middle son a lot more. It seems we have always had a strained relationship and I try to be very cognizant of it, he has always been more of a Daddy's boy but I don't want him to grow up feeling like I didn't love him so I try to make sure I take time out for just him. I have very different relationships with all my kids but I don't feel like I love any one of them more. I think it's hard to make sure you keep a good balance just because they are individual and your relationships can be individual, but I just could never imagine ever being outright cruel to them and mean and hateful. I am not a perfect parent by any means and I have done things I am not proud off, I am guilty of being a yeller. Because of my upbringing though I have a natural protectiveness against all children. I feel like I know the difference between abuse and discipline well and I am a fan of discipline. But I will not hesitate to speak up to a complete stranger in defense of a child if they are crossing a line and I have done it before. It's why I knew getting into social work would not be a good field for me. To much is allowed to slide and it's such a long process to get children out of situations. I would surely end up in jail my first week. lol

Anyway, thanks for allowing me to vent. Things with my brother and bio mom had been getting to me a lot this past few days in light up my upcoming trip and I had just seen something that set me off about how I should see my mother when I am up.

It's very disheartening to see how prevalent child abuse really is. Same with sexual molestation. It's so taboo to talk about, although for me I am a talking and it's easier for me to cope when I vent and I think it's good for people to feel OK to talk about such things because it's not there fault and it's not something they should be ashamed of. But I have been in a room with 10 people and like 7 of them have been sexually abused. Breaks my heart.

At the end of the day, although I don't feel any child should have to endure the things that have been discussed here, I wouldn't go back and change any of it. Life has brought me to this point and molded me into who I am today and outside of the constant struggles with depression, I like who I have become and I am proud of where I am in life and the children I had and that I put a stop to the cycle of abuse.

From the posters that have shared, I would say you all are good strong well rounded people as well from what I have seen. You have a lot of common sense, real life experience and something unique to bring to situations.You have a wisdom that doesn't only come from age but comes from the situations you experienced. It sucks how you got all that, but imagine how many lives you have been able to change or people you have been able to help without maybe even knowing it, from that wisdom, the compassion and empathy and experience.

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Reading these accounts makes my heart cry for all of us who went through our formative years feeling unloved and unworthy. I was raised by a hypercritical mother who let me know, more than once, that she'd never really wanted me in the first place and would've had an abortion if it hadn't been 1950s small-town America.

Although I was blessed enough to find unconditional love in my wonderful husband---and in later years Mother and I came to something of an understanding with each other---it took me 50 years to accept myself as I was. And only then because the Lord literally took me by the hand and healed me of guilt that had haunted me for a quarter of a century, which proved to me once and for all how much HE loved me. :redbeathe

But because I have known love, and learned to recognize it at last, I ache for anyone who still struggles with low self-esteem, depression, PTSD, and other physical and emotional ills due to an abusive upbringing. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

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I do think parents have "faviorites" but love all their children. I am one of six and my mother always says that I am the best looking of all her children, the cutest and most best behaved baby she had :-)

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I do think parents have "faviorites" but love all their children. I am one of six and my mother always says that I am the best looking of all her children, the cutest and most best behaved baby she had :-)

i can't imagine a parent having favorites...

but knowing all the horrific abuse out there, it wouldn't surprise me.

when i have 1:1 with ea of my children, i love talking about the unique qualities that ea child has.

i've done this their entire lives and ea feels very special.

leslie

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i can't imagine a parent having favorites...

but knowing all the horrific abuse out there, it wouldn't surprise me.

when i have 1:1 with ea of my children, i love talking about the unique qualities that ea child has.

i've done this their entire lives and ea feels very special.

leslie

If I was to ask my mother who her favorite child is she would say "all of you are". We each have qualities that she praises for instance my sister graduated from Cornell with her BA and masters in 4 years of college education and has 2 beautiful children, my brother was in the Israeli army for 3 years, me the best looking and best baby and Salutatorian of my nursing class and so on.

My parents came to this country for their children to have a better life than they had. It makes her very happy to have the American dream and see all her children's successes.

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