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"A Good Poem..."

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my cousin just sent this little gem.... :d:lol2::rolleyes:

he didn't like my casserole and he didn't like my cake.

he said my biscuits were too hard.

not like his mother used to make.

i didn't perk the coffee right.

he didn't like the stew.

i didn't mend his socks

the way his mother used to do.

i pondered for an answer,

i was looking for a clue.

then i turned around and smacked the s*** out of him . . .

like his mother used to do.

i love a good poem, don't you?

 

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Reminds me of an old friend; early in her marriage, her hubby used to ask her, "Can't you learn to cook like my mom?" or "My mom makes her chicken like this, don't you want to try that?"

So one evening he comes home to find a couple of packed suitcases in the hallway, so he asks my friend, "What's going on? Who's moving out?" And she says, "YOU are-you want your mother's cooking, you go and live with her!"

He never said another word about her cooking...

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My husband's aunt used to work very hard to make homemade pie crust. One time she used refrigerated pie dough and asked her husband what he thought. He said....

"It's not as chewy as it usually is."

:lol2:

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Some of my favorite Childhood Rhymes had to do with laxatives and cathartics:

Mary had a little watch.

She swallowed it one day.

Now she's taking pills

To pass the time away.

Tom, Tom,

The piper's son,

Took a pill

And had to run.

Peter, Peter,

Pumpkin eater

Sat all day

Upon the seater.

Dave

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Speaking of potty poetry.......here's what I did to the tune "Yankee Doodle" when I was bored one day:

Flunky Doodle had to poop

and sat down on the toilet,

Let a phart and that was that,

it smelled like eggs he'd boil-ed

 

Flunky Doodle, take your time,

Flunky Doodle Dandy,

Flunky Doodle, sit right down

and keep that T.P. handy!

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Thank you, Viva Las Viejas, for giving me that seque into a song I wrote several years ago. It's called "My Toilet". I've even included the chord progression on the first verse, in case you decide you want to sing and play it for yourself!

G......................................C

There's a place I go each day

............D7..................G

Not to work or even play.

G.................................C

I go to function and to sit

...............D7.................G

Upon my throne, my toilet.

You've heard songs of loves so true.

Songs sung sweet, and "Song Sung Blue".

But nowhere, I'm willing to bet,

A song about my toilet.

My toilet is very fun.

Even to the little children!

It's more fun than going to school-

To sit and play in the stool.

Some people go to sit and think.

Others go to **** and stink.

I just go when nature calls,

And listen to whatever falls.

Perhaps the subject of bowel movements should have never been brought up. You know how Guys are: You mention something about poop and it paves the way for all sorts of various and sundry replies. But, as I said, I wrote this song many years ago when I was much younger than I am today. If I write songs today, their subject is on a much deeper level. Like the last song I wrote- it was about Recidivistic Psych Patients. It's to the tune of "Teenager In Love".

Thanks for listenin'. And, if the good Lord is willin' and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back real soon.

Dave

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Thanks for that glimpse of the teenage Dave.... I'm starting to suspect you of being a member of the Bonzo Dog Band :coollook:

YouTube - Bonzo Dog Band "The Strain"

Warning! This will definitely not appeal to any except those with the weirdest senses of humor....

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my husband went to a very well known formerly all-male ivy-covered university. every year, the poor maintenance men would have to replace every single screen with a brand new one and never knew why. that every single screen could be defective seemed improbable somehow...

one bad boy 'fessed up well after the statute of limitations had expired -- decades, in fact -- instead of walking a-l-l t-h-e w-a-y to the bathroom, they simply peed out their screens!:uhoh3::eek: e-oo! editorial comment: try that here and you'll be living in the town square...:mad::d

little willy with a shout

gouged the baby's eyeballs out

stamped on them to make them pop

mother cried:

"now william! stop!!!"

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Thanks for that glimpse of the teenage Dave....

Actually, GHGoonette, I was a young adult (21) when I wrote that song. Not an adolescent. It was 1978 and I had decided to learn how to play the guitar. And so on and so forth...

Sadly, I do not have access to youtube. I continue to be behind in more ways than one...

Now, shapeimom, THAT was another good one! I remember a similar song I learned as a grade-schooler. You probably know it, too. So- let's all join in for a round of "Great Big Globs of Greasy Grimmy Gopher Guts"!

Hummm... Great big globs of greasy grimmy gopher guts!

Imitated monkey's meat!

Little birdie's dirty feet!

French-fried eyeballs covered in blood!

(Now, let's harmonize) And I forgot my spooooon!

Wunderful wunderful... (Lawrence Welk)

Dave

Edited by Davey Do

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Sadly, I do not have access to youtube. I continue to be behind in more ways than one...

Dave

I don't have access to youtube either, I just look up particular items or pieces of music on the internet. Someone, somewhere has almost invariably posted a video of their favorite show or number.

I tried to open a youtube account once, and gave up when they asked me to "copy the above numbers/letters in the block provided." I mean, have you looked at these things? They're about as legible as the scrawls made on the wall by a toddler who got his/her hands on Mommy's lipstick! In extreme cases, one would suspect that they'd taken a Madagascan spitting cockroach, dipped it in an inkpot and allowed it to scuttle randomly over the page....!!!

After 3 failed attempts, I gave it up as a bad job and showed youtube the metaphorical digitus impudicus....

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Wow, GHGoonette. "showed the digitus impudicus"... I've always just called it "displaying the dactylion".

I question your use of the word metaphorical, however. Your gesture appears to be forthright, in that it's truly not a symbolic gesture, if in essence, you are truly rejecting the entity.

Dave

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:lol2: True; I could also say "displayed the Y-rear" or "blew them a rectal kiss"....

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