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traumaRUs MSN, APRN


Content by traumaRUs

  1. traumaRUs

    What About Tinder?

    Okay, so I recently came across the following (and yes I know its from 2017) but I'm slow.. Meet the Man with 7000 Tinder Matches This guy has attained 7000 Tinder matches! Whew he is popular! This is a nursing student in UK. So...takeaways from this: Nursing students are hot! Tinder helps nursing students get dates. Nursing students don't have time to meet others. Should we all use dating sites? So, how do we meet people with whom we want to have a relationship? Does anyone remember personal ads in the newspaper? The first personal ad seeking love was in the 1600's shortly after the first newspaper was published. It was a male looking for a lady. Then in 1727, women got in on this too in a Lonely Hearts Club ad. However, this poor woman was ahead of her time - the mayor of her town had her committed to an insane asylum for this action. People (both male/female) have used the media of the time (whether that was the newspaper, radio, TV, internet, online) to meet new people and develop relationships. There have always been people that have been looking for younger partners, ones looking for relationships where they have a common interest, same-sex partners, or partners with distinct expectations. Some folks want short term hook-ups, others want marriage and some want something else. So...what do you use to meet people? We all know in this day and age of the internet, more technology and less "face-time" this makes meeting people more difficult. And, there are many new options out there to meet people: Tinder is just one of many dating sites. They are a web-based app that advertises: "meet new and interesting people nearby." They specialize in finding your matches locally, as physically close to you as possible. This is a plus in that it if your match is 500 miles away the chance for a successful relationship decrease as the miles increase. And who can forget the FarmersOnly.com commercials? Many dating services cater to specific lifestyles and career choices. They offer the chance to browse photos without purchasing a subscription. And their advertising campaigns are memorable. Remember the city girl falling off the horse? The talking cows? Where do nurses and student nurses go to meet people? Well, I searched and found quite a few sites...some seemingly legit while others quite sketchy and some really nasty (which if I posted would be a terms of service violation). Nurses are a hot commodity for dating services but as nurses we also work 24/7 and weekends sometimes leaving little time for developing relationships. How do you meet people? Do you use different sites for different situations? How many people do you meet? Is it better to cast the net wider - accepting dates from anyone who find attractive or is it better to screen the list and only accept a select few to meet? How much time do you want to spend on this when time is at a premium? Maybe we use different resources based on our backgrounds, our ages, what we want in a partner. As we change our focus, are we changing the way we meet people. And in the end - is online dating wonderful? Or should we revert to more face to face time? References: The History of Dating from 1695 to Now
  2. traumaRUs

    TraumaRUs's Rules for Air Travel

    So, I was traveling across the country recently and realized that some of my fellow citizens don't know how to travel. So....yes, I've appointed myself to be the rule maker for the traveling US public. Here are my rules: 1. When the airlines advise you to get to the airport 1-2 hours prior to your flight, they really mean it. Now depending on the size of your airport you CAN fudge the time a little bit. I actually live 20 minutes from my little airport, the TSA line is never long, I can quickly check luggage if I need to and get to my gate with plenty of time. However, just because YOU are late, doesn't necessarily mean I'm gonna let you cut in line at a big airport just because you planned wrong or worse yet....counted on kind folks to let you cut in line after they have been standing for an hour in line. 2. The counter agents at the gate tell you that your bag isn't going to be able to go on and will need to be checked because they have a full flight....please believe them. Yes, you HAVE to check your oversize carry-on even if you say, "well it fits on every other plane." Take their word for it - its their job. And don't come on to the plane, realize all the overhead bins are full and you must now back out of the plane and check it anyway. 3. And while we are at it, one carry on and one personal item - they mean it. Please don't think your wheeled carry on, backpack and oversized purse are TWO items, they are NOT! No...you can't invade my foot space because you have too many carry ons. 4. We all know that cabin pressure makes us think we need to talk louder, but please don't talk LOUD throughout the entire flight. There's no reason to share your conversations with us...unless its some juicy gossip that I could understand. 5. I know that the airlines often ask you to check your strollers, personal wheelchairs and scooters. However, then please either go to the bathroom with assistance or ask a flight attendant to help. The poor lady a few rows in front of me lost her balance and almost fell. 6. When we get to our destination and its time to deplane, why are you pushing your way to the front of the line? Guess what? You still can't get out of the plane until the door opens. And the plane still bumps around while its getting attached to the skyway, so don't fall into my lap. 7. Picking up luggage - again there is no reason to push to the head of the line, relax your special piece of baggage will be on its way soon. So...maybe if everyone follows traumarus's rules for airline travel, the world will be a better place. Thank you. What rules of air travel would YOU like to see?
  3. traumaRUs

    TraumaRUs's Rules for Air Travel

    - thanks everyone. I wrote these tongue in cheek. I usually fly 2-5 times per year and it seems that every time people are even more rude. What has been your experience?
  4. traumaRUs

    why is no one talking about the dangers of herd mentality?

    Interesting post. I do my own assessments but as I take call I am often at the mercy of the nurse that calls me and must rely on their assessment to determine treatment. Some I totally trust to be right on, while others I have to question A LOT and sometimes I ask them to reassess and call me back or get me more info.
  5. My son has now been incarcerated for well over 5 years with 2 more to go. I recently came in contact with our expensive lawyer from the first part of this journey. Just a casual meeting and we exchanged pleasantries - he asked how we were doing and I did the same. I told him that this has forever changed our lives as far as the state of incarceration and prisons go but that we and our son are doing as well as can be expected. He seemed quite relieved and said that he often thinks of us and how he wished it could have turned out differently....and I agreed with a tight smile. I think he did his job to the best of his ability; its just a shame what it has cost us and I don't mean money either. The stress of having a child, even an adult one, in prison is very high. The stress for his child is even more - he misses Dad so much. Taking a child to prison is difficult: they must sit quietly while the adults check in and then they must sit quietly until our name is called, go thru the pat-down and then finally proceed to the visiting room. In the visiting room, the child must sit quietly and not be too loud, they can't make anything that might be interpreted as against the rules, no peace sign as it could be interpreted as a gang sign, no whistling as it has many different connotations in prison, no pointing as that is offensive and considered intrusive, no speaking with other children as that is considered cross-visiting and strictly forbidden. They can go up to the vending machines and purchase food/drinks but must be sure to remove their vending card as you run the risk of someone else taking it if left there. When you travel several hours, visits usually last several hours - its hard on the kids. What child will sit still for hours with little to entertain them? Sometimes there are cards, occasionally a chess set available. Some of the little ones cry and get fussy and many of the toddlers want to run around. However, you risk the ire of the correctional officer in the visiting room if this happens and you don't want to be asked to leave because you then risk having visits suspended. Speaking of the visiting room, the vending machines are the only way to purchase food. Your loved one will look forward to the food as the food they usually get isn't all that good. Our son is one of the fortunate who can go to the commissary and purchase food and he also has a hot pot. The vending machines are expensive, even our grandson noticed the recent hike: Salad (which is very special for the chance to obtain some fresh or somewhat fresh veggies) costs $7.25 Hamburgers and sandwiches are $5.00 to $7.00 Lunchables, snack size are $6.00 Oh and the "good stuff" ie salads, milk, yoghurt sell out frequently and the vending machine company comes once per week. And...make sure they have utensils because you need a fork or spork to eat the salad although our son gladly ate a salad with his fingers during a recent visit because I didn't check the utensil bin prior to purchasing it. However, he was still very thankful. The end of visits can be grueling too - the tears of the children leaving their Dad behind, the tears of parents realizing the enormity of incarceration....our grandson no longer clings to his Dad at the end of visits but still is very sad and feels that he must always reassure his Dad that he will be back "as soon as I can Dad - I miss you so much." Often, our son tears up too at his own son bearing this burden. Our son is in a prison built for 600 and it holds 1200 currently. Out of the 1200, many do not have any family support at all and exist on "state pay" which is $10 per month to purchase any hygiene items they want. Some don't have anyone on the outside that sends them money for phones, commissary or more importantly, visit them. The expense of incarceration is toughest on the poor and disproportionately the poor are more readily incarcerated. This isn't meant to be political at all, but rather a commentary on what families of prisoners, inmates, offenders or whatever you want to call them go thru. I've learned so much in the last 5+ years; none of which I wanted to experience.
  6. traumaRUs

    I'm a Prison Mom, 5.5 years Down, 2 more to Go

    Thanks AnnieNP - it is still hard but like with all things, it becomes normal. And that in itself is concerning....
  7. Oh gosh I'm so sorry. Have you all considered counseling? Pain management clinic?
  8. traumaRUs

    How to choose a car?

    Old thread but gotta give my $0.2 - Subaru all the way. Great gas mileage, all wheel drive, comfortable and can easily go 250k before needing to be replaced
  9. traumaRUs

    The Ongoing Frustrations of a Band and Sports Mom, Part 1

    None of us like to have our child either ignored or have negative attention - I'm sorry your daughter is going thru this. And I agree, creepy that the band director took those pics. My husband is a high school teacher and believe me, he is exceedingly careful with anything personal with students.
  10. traumaRUs

    I'm a Prison Mom, 5.5 years Down, 2 more to Go

    @LockportRN - Thanks for sharing. I'm no longer concerned with my son's safety. He is actually in a minimal security prison which is STG-free (security threat group or gangs in common language). My son of course committed a felony but not something drug related - so he stayed in the state system and we are fortunate to be able to visit. Thanks again for the positive story....
  11. traumaRUs

    I'm a Prison Mom, 5.5 years Down, 2 more to Go

    @toomuchbaloney - our son tears off our address when we mail him letters. His is not drug-related nor do we have concern about others coming after us except for some other prisoners that might have weird ideas. My son is in the state system so we do have the option of paying approx $5k for him to be furloughed with guards, handcuffs, shackles if something dire happens to his immediate family. I am sorry for all you've been through.
  12. "During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds’ mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine’s Day should be a day for romance." So, in the spirit of romance, many of us have to think of a present for our loved one. So what to buy, what to buy? As a foodie, why not strawberries covered with chocolate, sprinkles, frosting or ??? Shari'sBerries, of course, has specials with multiple offerings and delivery options. This company is a subsidiary of FTD, the flower people. They offer a wide array of covered berries in mandy edible arrangemets. For the fishing enthusiast how about fishing lure with "I'm Hooked on You" and the option for personalization? Who doesn't like a personalized gift? This company prides itself on 100% satisfaction and prompt delivery. They even offer rush delivery in case you wait too just a little too long. Don't wanna be boring this year? How about Uncommon Goods? Their ad pitch says they don't like boring gifts either. Some pretty interesting and unique offerings. Chocolates are considered "romance" food too. How about some Godiva chocolate? From California, See's Chocolates is a treat. This company started as fresh homemade candy and some of the recipes still come from the original creator, Mary See who started the candy company shortly after the turn of the 20th century. For the ladies, roses often top the gift list. For just $519.99 you can send 100 long-stem roses to your sweet. So what do the colors mean? From Pro-Flowers comes this info: "Red symbolizes love, beauty, courage, respect, romantic love, and even congratulations. While many send red roses on Valentine's Day, surprise yourValentine this year with white roses that symbolize true love, purity, innocence, reverence, humility, youthfulness, and charm." There are many lists of what to buy for Valentine's Day. Celebrities sometimes go all out and spend far more than working nurses make in a year. Here are some of the extravagant gifts: David gifted Victoria with an $8 million dollar necklace in 2018 on V-Day. Hmmm...might take me a few millennium to earn that much...if ever! Justin Theroux gifted Jennifer Anniston a surprise trip to Paris - c'est la vie! And on and on it goes. However, for those of us mere mortals, I think candy, flowers and personalized gifts top my gift list this year. How about you? References: History of Valentine's Day What do the Colors of Roses Mean on Valentine's Day?
  13. traumaRUs

    I'm a Prison Mom, 5.5 years Down, 2 more to Go

    Thanks Daisy - yeah 6 years ago I would have read this and thought "oh that poor family, that could never happen to US!" Little did I know....
  14. traumaRUs

    Tips To Handle Extreme Cold

    In central IL we have had air temps of -18 with wind chills of -48! I lived in Alaska (in the interior not the wanna-be Alaska of Juneau ) for two years and when it got to be -30 air temp it was just cold. Of course, we had engine block heaters too and clothes meant for the arctic winter. Oh and did I mention the dark? Dark as night for approx 5-6 months of the year. Central IL isn't used to this kind of winter - the kids have now been out of school 13 days
  15. traumaRUs

    I'm a Prison Mom Part 3

    ...so far. This is part 3 in an unknown amount of articles. Somehow it's cathartic to write about it. There are so many of us. We don't discuss this in our daily lives yet our loved ones on the inside are always on our hearts. In Illinois alone, there are almost 45,000 inmates in the IL Dept of Corrections. This doesn't even consider the additional number of inmates in federal prisons (FBOP) in IL. My son is doing as well as can be expected. He is just over halfway thru this. We have become immune to many things since this all started. We are polite and quiet to all CO's (correctional officers). In the waiting room where you sign in there are often visitors who either weren't aware of the dress code or ID requirements and are sent out to travel down the road to the small town Walmart in hopes of finding something that conforms to the dress code. The CO's have all the power: they determine how rigorous the pat-down and search process is and whether you get to visit at all. They also control your loved one's life so it pays to be polite. Whatever happens in the waiting room eventually can filter down to how they are treated. We visit often and are fortunate that he is only 113 miles down the road, that we have cars, gas, money and time to visit. Many people don't. Has anyone heard of video visitation in the prison system? Sounds great, doesn't it? The prison system installs a video system so that families can have a video visit either at home or at a special kiosk nearby. The pluses for this system: Ease for the families - especially true for long term sentenced inmates. As the years pass, your relatives and friends age and it gets harder and harder to get to the prison to visit. Also, if you visit with little ones, it is hard to keep them content with nothing for them to play with and in many prisons they are not allowed to do anything but sit in a chair, they are not allowed out of their seats. Cheaper than driving sometimes hundreds and sometimes thousands of miles if your loved one is in the federal prison system (FBOP). Many prisons are located far from cities. Few have mass transit available nearby as they are in small towns and more rural environments. Crime is more prevalent in the cities so more inmates are from the bigger cities versus the farm towns. There are only negatives if this REPLACES in-person visits. I live in a rural area where there is no mass transit and most people own cars. The prison where my son is doesn't have video visitation and we would use it only as an extra way to visit, not to replace an in-person visit. Our son is one of the fortunate ones. At a recent visit he told me that he was very lucky that he came from a good home. He went on to tell me that many of the guys in his prison came from single-parent households where the parent was either addicted or doing something illegal, were abused as children, products of the foster care system or simply were homeless and on the streets from a young age. Some of the guys have been "down" so long that their families have died or their their families have disowned them. Many don't have commissary money so my son goes to many meals simply so he can give his food away to someone that is hungry. Life "inside" without commissary can be bleak. Many guys have a "hustle" where they do tasks/chores or provide a service in order to get commissary. I'm also a volunteer prison visitor for our statewide prison activist group. In this capacity I go with others to visit prisons to try to reform the system. I go quite often as they don't have a lot of healthcare visitors. You meet and talk with so many prisoners. So many issues: some small and some insurmountable. In one visit I met a guy in his 50's now who was sentenced to life without parole (LWOP) when he was 14. He'd been down for >40 years. Now with the new legislation that juveniles can't be sentenced to LWOP, he was up for possible parole. But...he was scared - he had been in prison for almost his entire life. He had held prison jobs and was currently a tutor (highly respected position). However, he has never held a cell phone, driven a car, worked on the outside, paid bills. His family was either dead, or had long since forgotten about him. He was located in a prison many miles from what used to be his home and he had no contacts. While legislation is great that helps to release some prisoners, more support is needed on the outside. Just one of the more frustrating aspects of this adventure. So - I'm going to see my son tomorrow. There is a Christmas tree in the waiting room now and the mural is almost done in the visiting room. It's just another Christmas in prison.
  16. traumaRUs

    I'm a Prison Mom Part 3

    Thanks Tweety - long sentences for first offenses are reality. We got our son a private attorney, but unfortunately he had to take a plea as to go to trial would have resulted in a longer sentence and after being involved in this nightmare for >5 years now I know this to be true.
  17. traumaRUs

    Well, hello there...Daily Diary

    Come on and invite your friends. This is YOUR place.
  18. traumaRUs

    I'm a Prison Mom Part 3

    And here is part 2: I was browsing the blue side of AN recently and came upon my article from a couple of years ago when this was so raw and open. Thought I would give an update. Did you know that the US has the most incarcerated citizens per capita of any civilized nation - says something about us as a nation, doesn’t it? I’ve learned a lot over the past 2 ½ years since I wrote the first article. Here’s some of what I’ve learned: Lawyers are expensive! When we started this journey, it was recommended that we hire a private attorney. So, off we go to interview. We interviewed a total of five practices for a total of seven lawyers. We called more but several didn’t return our calls or emails so we quickly crossed them off our list. We were quoted anywhere from $5000 to $130,000 for a plea deal. Rehashing the details took its toll too. In the beginning, we cried in their offices, towards the end, we could recite the details without a tear. It really truly matters WHERE you commit a crime. If you commit a crime in a large city, the punishment is similar in most instances. However, if you commit a crime in a small, rural county where crime is uncommon, the penalty will be much more severe. Visiting in jail, behind glass is impersonal at best. You go in, sign up for a time, then return to your car to wait - whether that be 15 minutes or 2 hours, you sit in your car and wait your turn. When the time arrives, you sign in, and get assigned to a phone. You know now to bring in bleach wipes to wipe down the phone, and immediate area as it is always filthy. Your loved one is led in, handcuffed and shackled and he picks up the phone and you start your very stilted visit thru glass. During your visit you are surrounded by four other visitors who may or may not be happy to be there - you hear arguing, yelling, cursing, crying, sobbing, anger, sadness, many emotions flood the tiny visiting room. All too soon the 15 minutes is up and you must leave. Our judicial system is S_L_O_W - it takes months (and can take years) before a trial or plea bargain is negotiated. Trials are expensive, plea bargains are expensive too but more in terms of emotions: Plea bargains are like games between attorneys only the pawns are real life people The accused’s attorney throws out a number, then the DA counters with another number and back and forth you go. The families/prisoners go along for the roller coaster rider: first its 18 years, then 15, then 12, then ? and finally the number is set. Truth in Sentencing - another topic for discussion. These laws were enacted to prevent early release for certain crimes. It means that what you are sentenced to is what you WILL serve - there is no “good” time, no way to reduce the sentence. Aw - so probably the worst day of my life was sentencing. You go into a very austere, wood-paneled courtroom, filled with people you don’t know, media is sometimes present, the victim (if any), and the accused’s family. They bring your loved one in chains and handcuffs, shuffling along like in the movies only this is REAL. They look pale and disbelieving. The judge reads the charge and then states the sentence…”I sentence you to x-amount of years in the Department of Corrections” and bangs his gavel. As his Mom, I’m just numb, the tears flow, not just sad little quiet tears either, but big, messy loud sobs. My son is led away by the bailiff still pale and disbelieving. Our lawyer leads us to a quiet room so I can stop my sobbing and manage to get to the car without falling. Its over - no more courts, no more lawyers - we are onto the next step in this journey - prison. References: The Caging of America
  19. traumaRUs

    I'm a Prison Mom Part 3

    Just wanted to add the Part I - When Your Child Makes the News for all the Wrong Reasons: So this article is more about handling BIG public embarrassment versus the little embarrassments of life with children. We've all experienced the toddler with the tantrum at the grocery store and have scurried around picking up items and hoping for a quick check-out line. And many of us have taken our children to see Santa Claus and/or the Easter Bunny and all they have done is cry and want to do anything but sit on their laps. Then there is US - those of us that live in the world of adult children embarrassment; very public and very real. Our kids are the ones that appear on the front pages of our local (and sometimes national) newspapers, make the top story on the news channel and cause our friends and acquaintances to whisper "gee, I'm so glad my kid didn't do that...." (whatever "THAT" is). Our children are those that when you see them on the news or paper, think "oh my goodness, they must come from a horrible family" or "I'm so glad my son/daughter has never done that!" We go through our days with a smile plastered on our face, our chins high and pretend not to notice the whispers, snickers, and snide comments. So, just in case some of you might someday join US, here are some tips: 1.When your child's antics hit the papers, news, etc., try to find out the complete details. Don't EVER make comments to the papers or news. Your comments will invariably be taken out of context and can make the situation worse. At the very least, it will not help nor will it garner any sympathy. If it is a legal matter, it is always better to go with a private attorney versus public defender. This is one of those "you get what you pay for" situations. None of the nurses I know are independently wealthy so coming up with the case instantly can oftentimes be problematic. Some solutions: Savings accounts College tuition accounts Loans Cash in retirement or 401 - be prepared for big tax penalty Your relationship as a couple is important and you must nurture that relationship. Talk things out. You may not agree on the same course of action, you may not know the correct course of action. If you have a not so good parental relationship, talking things out is even more important. If at all possible, present a united front in front of the child. Feel free to love your child, but dislike their actions. They still need support from their parents. This can be a very stressful time for the entire family. Sometimes counseling is needed so that the family can move through this and get to the other side. In the end, what helps one family get through a very public embarrassment might not work for another family. There is no one size fits all. As the event or circumstances evolve, families experience a myriad of emotions. And...that's okay for US! And...don't forget we used to be YOU!
  20. traumaRUs

    Snow Day

    Moved to Breakroom
  21. traumaRUs

    Gel nails and nail polish

    Moved to the lounge
  22. traumaRUs

    Why are the victims always blame?

    STAFF NOTE: Please STOP with the back and forth name-calling and arguing. While we encourage lively debate, we expect professional adults to be able to disagree respectfully!
  23. traumaRUs

    My plastic surgery journey

    Gosh you've been thru so much. Moved to Nurses Lounge. Please take care
  24. traumaRUs

    Do YOU Keto?

    Moved to Weight Loss forum
  25. traumaRUs

    Social media can affect your hireability

    Moved to Breakroom

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