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  1. duplicitlyduped

    how to handle a cheating wife/RN

    My wife whom I have known for over 20 years has been carrying on an affair with her co-manager at the hospital they work at. The affair started 4 years ago when she was his subordinate. I found out and she said it was an "emotional affair". Last December I graduated from the nursing program myself and right before I graduated she admitted it was a sexual affair, and had taken place at our home, in their shared office at work while on the clock, and included sexting, etc. Due to my love for her and our children and the 3 year gap I decided to let it go. 2 months later we are on vacation and I had to take an emergency trip out of the state, and when I get back I had an uneasy feeling about something, and she assumed I had found out about her and her lover so she shared with me the sexual relationship had been more widespread then she originally mentioned, and that while I was away on my trip she was trying to get him to come up to our vacation resort to have sex. She also revealed to me that she knows of at least 2 other married subordinates he has had an affair with, and one of them included sex within the management office while on duty. my question is this: what if any rules and code of conduct have they violated, and what steps would a hospital take against him as the manager sleeping with his married subordinates and against my wife for sleeping with her manager, and then co-manager? I have to decide where I go from here, where my marriage goes, my children, etc., but I am interested to know what would happen to them if their employers were ever to find out about this.
  2. duplicitlyduped

    how to handle a cheating wife/RN

    I don't know if this is an appropriate forum for this topic, but only other nurses may know how I feel. I've known my wife, who is an RN, for 24 years...since we were 12. She is my best friend, and one heck of a nurse. In 2010 I found out she was having some type of relationship with her then shift manager. she said it was just an emotional relationship and she was sorry, but for about 6 months she couldn't commit to our marriage and wasn't sure how deep her feelings for him were. I tried to repair the marriage and forgive her but I finally said two could play that game and I began an emotional relationship with someone at work...who I promptly told my wife about. She became insanely jealous and wanted our marriage, and our family back...as we had a 3 year old daughter at the time. Last December I graduated from the nursing program, and 6 days before, my wife, through skilled manipulation on my part, admitted the relationship had been sexual, in our bed, while I was on a trip out of state. almost 3 years had passed so I figured what the heck we are in a good place...I'm not going to make a big deal of this. now she was a manager herself, and over this entire time period she continued working with this guy. I really thought I bent over backwards forgiving her and having the confidence in our marriage to be perfectly fine with her continuing to work with him and share a managers office with him without being jealous or nervous. We went on vacation to celebrate my graduation and I had an unexpected trip out of state that I had to plan for the middle of our vacation. I learned upon returning from this vacation and my secondary trip that she had been sexting this guy and they had planned for him to join her on the vacation to have sex while I was out of state. it didn't materialize but they were trying to make it happen. While discussing this new and utterly unbelievable development she admitted to sleeping with the man in 2011, and again in 2012 while I was at home with our kids..we now have 3. She has now admitted to sleeping with the guy in their office while at work and on the clock while he was her boss, in our bed, at a hotel, at his house, numerous makeout and groping sessions in their shared office while co-managers, and a number of oral sessions also...at least one that was in the office during work. She swears she is done with him and doesn't understand why she was willing to risk our marriage all this time, but our family and our relationship is more important to her. I sent this man a message stating if he ever did anything with my wife or even texted her I would contact their department head, HR, the CNO and CEO of the hospital, and let them know of this relationship and at least 2 other relationships my wife has told me he has had with married subordinates while he was managing them. This man has a history of trolling his employees for married women who are distraught in their marriage and emotionally vulnerable. I have also told my wife I would implement her along with him as well as this is the final straw. I love my kids and I don't want them growing up in a home without me and we live in a no fault state meaning my wife could sleep with 100 men and still keep the kids as she is a wonderful mother. My wife has stated she is concerned with me entering the nursing field and being around beautiful nurses and cheating on her...the idea makes her sick to her stomach. She wants me to forgive her and for us to move past this and for it to make us stronger, yet turnabout is not fair play to her. she actually stated she doesn't know if she could accept me cheating on her to "even the score". I told her I have forgiven her for this relationship twice before and now she is asking for me to do it again after she revealed to me all these other sexual encounters with him and admitted to makeout and groping sessions throughout my last semester in the nursing program, but apparently NO sexual encounters....I'm finding it hard to believe but then again does it make it any worse then it is already? How would a typical hospital handle this situation if it was brought to their attention that two managers have been carrying on an allicit affair for the better part of 4 years on and off duty, in their office, and that he has done it at least twice before with subordinates, and the fact my wife was his subordinate when it started between them? Would it be dealt with or would a hospital even care about this? The fact is over the next few months I'm going to have to decide if I want to continue this marriage, if I CAN continue this marriage, if I can continue the marriage without enacting my own revenge by having an affair of my own (because lets face it...she's had an occasional lover for the past 4 years! why should she be the only one able to play and just have it accepted by her spouse!?) emotionally I'm devastated not by the affair itself, but by the callous way she has repeatedly jeapordized our marriage through her own selfishness, and even in the face of all this tries to come up with little lame excuses as to why she did it...like telling me last night she was mad at me for losing my wedding ring at the beach a few years ago; for which I promptly pointed out the $8,000 wedding ring set I bought her to signify our love and commitment for one another has literally held this mans %$#$ many times over the last four or more years!!! Please tell me all you professional nurses.....what recourse do I have with regard to their work if I ever felt I needed to pursue it?