Well guys, this will be my last update. As predicted, mom ended up in the hospital last Tuesday due to problems breathing. On Wednesday, she was admitted to the CVICU as she began to crash. They put her on a ventilator and couldn't figure out what was wrong. When I arrived, they finally found that her right lung had collapsed. What should have been an easy fix with a chest tube really did a number on her body as her BP dropped drastically and her O2 saturation was very low. The on call doctor came out and told us they were doing everything they could, but this was it. Amazingly, they were able to bring her back.
She steadily improved on Thursday and Friday, although they still couldn't figure out why she was doing so terrible. Her oncologist said it wasn't the cancer, and firmly believed it was an infection (likely run rampant after the first chemo treatment). I spent every spare moment with her on Thursday and Friday, and left Friday evening in good spirits. We were warned that she may never get on the ventilator, but in my selfish hopes, I believed she would. That night, her bp dropped again (they had tried weaning her off the meds again), and her O2 saturation crashed once more. The next day, they took her off of sedation at 9:30am because my father wanted to talk to her. She never woke up. We got some reflex reactions with the eyes opening, but she never focused on us, and couldn't squeeze our hands when we asked. My dad and I knew she was gone, and her brain just couldn't cope with the damage to her lungs and lack of oxygen. We made the decision to take her off the vent and let her finally rest without pain. She went quickly. Her lungs unable to support her any longer.
I am crying uncontrollably as I write this. My mother is my best friend, and I can't believe we lost her. I believe we should have lost her on Wednesday, but she fought for us for two more days to allow us some closure and a chance to tell her how much we love her. With the vent she couldn't tell me she loved me, but the squeeze of her hand and the look in her eyes was enough to tell me on Friday how much she loved me. I think she was able to let go that night and was already gone by Saturday.
My my dad and I talked last night, and we both finally realized how much pain and suffering she had endured for the last few months. She couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't breathe, and she was so scared. I love her so so much and I'm glad to know she isn't in pain any more. The pain is ours now, but it is nothing to what she must have suffered through... For us.
I love you mom, so so much. I can't wait to see you again... Someday.