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hmillercrew

hmillercrew

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  1. I have hesitated to post further for fear of continued degradation, but I would like to clarify somewhat. First let me say that I do not think my wife has done anything wrong, nor do I think she views her job in any type of sexual manner. Hence the title "help me overcome my feelings". I honestly understand my feelings are unwarranted, but I have them nontheless. That is why I posted here. I was hoping for some perspective or advice on setting these feelings aside. I am certain there are others who feel this way (men and women), so I was hoping to hear how they adjusted or overcame these feelings. For example, I spoke to a friend of mine who is a gynecologist. He and his wife had similar conversations as she struggled with his job. Her advice was, simply put, trust and time. I appreciate the advice to seek counseling. I have scheduled an appointment for Thursday. I also applied some of your advice to not interrogate her when she comes home. This past weekend we just talked about her day. I did not ask for specifics and she simply told me about the joys and frustrations of her day. One of the posts said to be her husband. That is what I did. I left my profession at the office and just let her talk about her day. I offered advice on dealing with her frustrations and congratulated her on her accomplishments. Her text to me today: "it was nice to laugh with you last night." So, I think I have taken a step in the right direction. It did feel much better to laugh then to argue. As I focused more on her and her day and less on the things that caused me anxiety, we were able to laugh. I much prefer that feeling. I am not saying it wasn't difficult to refrain from asking (its a little like asking water not to be wet), but I just kept thinking about what many of you said about having a lot to lose and maybe driving her away. I thank you all for the advice. If there are other suggestions, I will listen.
  2. Thank you for your time in commenting. Rockin, I would be interested in what your husband has to say. Perhaps he has a perspective that would be helpful to me. RNewbie, we have had numerous conversations about this issue. She works on the medsurg floor of her hospital so this issue is not an everyday occurrence. However, she recently provided care for an elderly gentleman who was to weak to clean himself and his wife refused to help. The patient expressed his discomfort with her providing a bed bath, but did not specifically refuse. I suppose my conversation with her got off to a bad start when I pointed out that when a man says he is uncomfortable that is his way of refusing. I also upset her when I suggested she should have stopped and found out whether the patient would be more comfortable with a male nurse/aid completing the wash up. When I say I upset her, she cried and felt horrible (like she had violated her patient). Of course her feelings were ridiculous and I was out of line for making her feel that way. The issue arose when she didn't explain anything else about what happened. In the past, she has always answered any questions I have. However, she has also told me she feels like she is being deposed. I am sure my questioning can seem that way as that is how I have been trained. As a result, I try to listen to her talk about her day and not ask questions. Anyway, in this last conversation she left out the patient was uncircumcised and so the peri care was a bit more involved. This only further added to my feelings because I felt like she was hiding something about what happened. So, I was left with my imagination about the situation. She usually cries because she does not want this to come between us. She reassures me that there is nothing sexual for her or the patient. She claims it is just another body part. My response has been something like: Well it isn't just another body part or you wouldn't be uncomfortable talking to me about it. You tell me about the gross toe nails on the bunyan repair... etc. She often talks about finding a different job and I have suggested she look into the maternity, labor/delivery area. Because she really loves her job I am not sure that is fair to her. Plus I have heard those jobs are really hard to come by.
  3. I have read many posts from husbands and/or boyfriends that have issues with their wife giving bed baths and other direct patient care that requires her to touch/handle the patient's penis. However, I continue to have difficulty overcoming my negative feelings about her viewing and/or coming into contact with another man's penis. I will offer this as background to our relationship. We have been married for 22 years and, I think, we have a very solid relationship. About four years ago, she decided to go into nursing. She really loves her job and is an excellent care giver. I am an educated professional and she has always been supportive of me. So, I truly need some advice on overcoming my feelings. Most of the threads I have read make me feel like an immature idiot, but are not helpful in giving any useful suggestions on overcoming the feelings I am having. I have also researched such things as bed baths, Foley insertion and foreskin retraction to better understand what it is she does. I know there is nothing glamorous or sexual about these procedures. So, here are my issues. I feel saddened, upset and jealous when she provides direct patient care to another man. At times, these feelings and the mental image of her having direct contact with the patient's penis, interfere with my ability to be intimate with her. What conversations have others had with their spouses so that everyone is comfortable? I would be happy to answer any questions you have and appreciate any advice given.
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