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  1. Besides being a very personal and private matter, this idea is hardly carved in stone. The family member has mentioned that he or she is considering suicide if he or she is still alive in a month. There are an awful lot of variables in just that one sentence. So many things could happen in a month with someone who is so ill. Even if someone wanted to make a report, what exactly would they say? I'd file this under things the friend may need love, help and support to handle, no matter what happens. Your classmate can just be there for her friend, offering support in whatever way seems the most meaningful.
  2. I would SOOOO come to your bed and brunch place. DH and I are diehard third shifters. One of the toughest things about our travels in Ireland has always been making ourselves get up in time for breakfast. Bed and brunch makes so much more sense. I also love quilts, although I don't really want to make them. Just like looking at (and sleeping under) what others have done. To my earlier desire to become a police detective, I would also add writing. I've always done it and hope to continue doing it. No mysteries. Just good fiction.
  3. You sound like a sweetheart of a guy. DH and I "got" each other the first night we went out. Many, many years later, we still do. Keep the friendship going with this girl. You never know what might happen. The best relationships have good friendship as a foundation. BTW, your post was very well written, and if you look at my user name, you'll see that is something I value. Stay strong. :up:
  4. I highly recommend this book and these authors: Amazon.com: Parenting Teens With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition) (9781576839300): Foster Cline, Jim Fay: Books We have a great friendship with our six grown kids, but this did not come without scrapes and sparks and gnashing of teeth along the way. Sometimes the hardest thing you can do is stop rescuing and nagging and scolding and start changing into a consultant. You can be a soft place to fall (to a point), but you have to remember that they need to own their own problems. That's not to say that you can't ever help them. Only that you can't force help on them and the help has to be on your terms. Once they realize that the problems are theirs, the whole dynamic changes. We think we are caring for them when we rescue, but ultimately we are sparing them the very pressures that will help them grow up. If we choose to assist them in solving their problems, it will be because they have treated us with respect, taken ownership of the situation, and invest something of themselves in finding a solution--not because they have had a tantrum, screamed at us, and played the guilt card. We told our kids that our love was unconditional, but our friendship was not. If they were obnoxious beasts or lying sneaks, they were not our friends because that is not the way a friend treats you. Years later, our kids said that got through to them, even when they didn't always show it. We weren't cold toward them, just matter-of-fact. When they realized that friendship with mom and dad meant something to them and that it could be lost for a time, they began to see us differently, as people who had choices about companionship, not just doormats with car keys and credit cards. Even when things were tense, every once in a while, one or both of us would declare a temporary truce and we'd go out for dinner or watch a movie with the problem child(ren). For just that little while, we had fun and remembered the good things about being in a family. The next day, we'd pick up where we left off but maybe not quite so tense or distant. When kids think parental assistance is a guarantee, they sometimes don't appreciate it. In fact, they can downright abuse it. But when they are given the message that we can and will take distance from their abuse, they usually see that there is a price to be paid for continued dishonesty and bad treatment. To be clear, I am not saying that we lowered the boom over every bit of teenage moodiness. Heavens, there wouldn't have been room in the doghouse at that rate, and Dad and I had our moments, too. But we did set limits with long-term, sustained bratty attitudes, dishonesty, and chronic mistreatment. If they earned discipline at school or in other arenas we commiserated but did not rescue them. We have a good relationship with all of them now and sometimes hear them setting boundaries and insisting on family respect with our g-kids. Let me add that when you have a kid who is isolating, you take the kind of distance that keeps you from being bitten, but you do not agree with the isolation. This can indicate substance abuse or serious depression. We were always on the lookout for things like that and several of our kids saw counselors when that became necessary. With six kids, I can tell you, what works for one might not work with another. You have to be dedicated and creative. And you can't be worried about whether they like you or not. If you're doing your job, there will be times when they don't. Check out this book. Literally. Many libraries have it. And these guys have books for younger kids, too. I wish you and your family the best.
  5. rn/writer

    Prayers vs "Good Thoughts"

    i'm not speaking for xtxrn, but i do have some thoughts on what you posted. some people (not you) do find christianity or any kind of belief in a supreme being so ludicrous and insane that they appear repulsed by the very concept and do not hesitate to scoff or mock. as for the idea that, " that man looks at the outside appearance; god looks at the heart," all i think that means is that god knows everything about the person. many of us do look beyond appearance and, "take a reading," on someone's spirit, but there is still so much that we don't know, some of it the the person doesn't even know about him- or herself. we can see past the surface, feel the kind of energy the person is putting out, but there are sill many layers and much history that we can't access. judging people is not a good idea, but judging their actions, to me, is fair game.
  6. Oh my gosh, I have that! So I guess I should just shut up and be grateful. Nah, I'm not the shut up type. I'd be a police detective. I love (and am good at) the kinds of things the real TV detectives do. I'm talking Forensic Files and other accurate true crime shows vs. Law & Order (as much as I like it). I enjoy doing legwork, gathering information, putting the puzzle pieces together, talking to experts, interviewing witnesses and all the rest. Unfortunately, there's just no way on earth I would ever have been able to meet the physical requirements of being a cop. Sigh.
  7. rn/writer

    Prayers vs "Good Thoughts"

    Sometimes it's enough just to say, "I care. I'll listen if you feel like talking and sit beside you in silence if you don't." You can be the prayer.
  8. rn/writer

    When is the ideal time to have children?

    Along with Saysfaa and Viva Las Viejas, I was glad I had my kids when I was young because of the flexibility dh and I had in our twenties. And I'm not just talking about the ability to get down on the floor with the kids (or more important, the ability to get back up!). As we aged, we both noticed that we had much more defined expectations about things. We weren't as able to roll with surprises or scoot around obstacles as easily as we did ten years earlier. Creativity and imagination stood us in good stead when the kids were small, and our offspring in turn learned how to take lemons and make lemonade. We taught our oldest three that canned carrots were a dessert food (they loved those bright orange disks) and that they could have the fun hot dogs while Daddy and I would eat the dull old steak. We camped in the back yard and the kids remember one summer when it was so hot that we joined them in the kiddie pool, cozy though it was. We let them shower in warm rain storms (if there wasn't any lightning) and they thought that was the greatest thing. We also had picnics on the living room floor in the middle of winter. I'm not saying you can't do those things as an older parent, only that it's less likely because you see yourself as a more mature person. DH and I knew we were just a couple of overgrown teenagers who liked to get silly with the best of them. I also think that a hazard of waiting for parenthood is that you get to where you like things a certain way and kids have a way of messing that up. Of course, this can be transcended, but it takes some work. I wouldn't urge anyone to have kids before they think they're ready. But I wouldn't encourage anyone to wait until they have every duck in a nice, well-behaved row either. Sounds like you have grown up a lot in ten days. :D
  9. rn/writer

    How many out there aren't religious?

    If they could recite all twelve commandments, I would guess they'd been reading from Second Comedians, Chapter 4.
  10. rn/writer

    What is going on with me?

    We can't answer the medical questions. Maybe you can give your PCP a call if you don't actually want to go in until October. See if your hospital has an Employee Assistance Program. If they do, they should be able to give you some free counseling sessions to help you identify and work through your sadness. Many women experience a sense of loss when they close the chapter on having babies. Still, you should talk to someone to see if there is anything else going on and to get help with anything that has you down.
  11. rn/writer

    Your online persona vs. You in real life

    You can't fool me, Marla. Online and IRL you're amazing!. Consider me one of the freaks who are magnetically attracted to you. :yeah:
  12. rn/writer

    Your online persona vs. You in real life

    I'm thinner and more athletic online. :D Other than that, I'm pretty much the same.
  13. rn/writer

    OMG! I'm shaking!!!!

    Maybe she and Casey Anthony can share an apartment.
  14. A school (of any kind) would be guilty of fraud if they took your money and didn't educate you properly. If you received a solid education and passed the bar, passed NCLEX, etc., the school did what it said it would do. As far as job prospects, unless the school out-and-out promised jobs to its students and then reneged, there isn't much of a case. Supply and demand ebb and flow in any field. Yes, it's infuriating when media folks and others don't do their homework and they rely on years-old information to speak of a nursing shortage. But the proper response to that is to inform the people who are making the mistakes and ask them to do a better job. The same goes for the schools. Serious students need to take responsibility for themselves and actually research job prospects for any field that interests them. To accept what a school says (a school that stands to gain from that person's enrollment) at face value is risky and naive.

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