Kansas. In the great Midwest of the US. So far, yet so near.
I chuckle now as I remembered those times we had back then. Life was sooo carefree for the 2 vagabonds we were then. Hitchhiking was our main mode of transportation. Oh, how many semi trailers we road. The wanderlust. So carefree. So uninhibited. And, the places we bedded down! The clothes we wore - we gave new meaning to 'shabby chic'. Small wonder with no surprise about those scabies. Our communal lifestyle did have some drawbacks.
But through it all, we were buddies, compadres (sp?), partners in crime. No real heinous crimes. Just some small food snatches for 2 hungry wanderers. But also ahunger fueled by an evolving, bigger and greater hunger.
Those eyes. How piercing! How I so longingly wished they would pierce through that wall that separated us from being MORE than just friends. It forever seemed he couldn't. Or wouldn't. How I wanted more. So much more. But more what? That I never knew then. And I can only guess now.
Our friendship was to remain just that - friends. Life happened and we grew distant, more than just miles between us. Family, responsibilities, careers and all those nuisances that drive wedges between people. We went our separate ways. Just 'drifted apart' as they say. Maybe we just grew up - not just older, but were we wiser for it? Or was it something else intangible at the time.
Funny how our careers became so professional. So straight and clinical sounding. P R O F E S S I O N A L. An authoritative ring to it, but cold.
Only now, smoldering feelings are just ready to burst into the raging flames of passion. Nothing has prepared me for that eruption of emotion as I watch his sleeping form lying there so peacefully.
Edouard. Oh, Edouard. His name is like a whisper calling. It sounds so sinful, penetrating and pervasive. Or is that me having 'those' thoughts again?
His tousled hair touches his strong cheekbones. And that slight dimple, only on his right when he smiled. Am I the only one who ever noticed the mismatch? I wonder as I so ever so lightly trace it again as I once did so long ago.
The cadence of his breathe changes as he rustles in the bed. Soon he'll awaken and I will be right there beside him. My side right by his side. I'll pretend to awaken right with him. I hope he doesn't rally too much. Just to linger a little longer. Will he lean up on a strong arm and reach out to me? I can only hold my breath until I must inhale. Maybe he'll smile his smile, or should I say his grin. I wait with anticipation.