No one here will call you an idiot.
You are in an abusive relationship, and I'd bet a year's salary that this "issue" of his, is far from an isolated instance.
I'd bet the next year's salary, that there has indeed been a history of subtle and not so subtle clues as to his "type" that you have wished away, or ignored, or simply not picked up on.
I see hallmarks of a woman who cognitively knows his behavior is not rational, but makes excuses for him and feels the classic guilt abusers inflict on their victims as a weapon of choice in wielding power over them.
The intent of abusers is to keep you confused, doubting yourself, and wondering if you are overreacting to behavior that they feel they have every right to inflict. Maybe sometimes he throws you a bone with, "I'm sorry honey. I know I overreact sometimes. I don't want to be that way."
I highlighted the glaring red flags in your post above. Right now, would you read through those highlighted lines without reading anything else? Take a quick moment to do so, please.
Now, how do you feel about that?
Let's take one expample:
So... you cried all night long... but you understand where he's coming from? He's just a bit insecure and needs a little extra understanding and time to adjust, right?
Can you see how he's effectively made you confused, and doubting yourself?
No. You don't understand him. His behavior you may recognize as nutty and irrational, but you can no more truly understand him any more than you can "understand" someone that drowns puppies.
Do you really want to surrender one more day of your well-being, your life to this?
I sincerely hope he doesn't come back around a week or even a year later proclaiming, "Baby I'm all better now."
Sister it's going to take time to heal, and get your head on straight. One day you will look back and be amazed at yourself that you ever allowed him any place in YOUR life.
Don't let him steal any more of it.
been there done that.
P.S. here's an excellent link.