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Orlette

Orlette

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  1. FIRST OF ALL: I know my last thread was kind of weird, and this one sounds weird too at first, BUT IT IS REALLY A SERIOUS QUESTION, I REALLY NEED OUTSIDE PERSPECTIVE, SO PLEASE DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME OR THE SITUATION.. I have wondered very often why my mom is so different from other moms and I being her daughter (and only child) could never relate to her and ask questions and share experiences or anything of the "girly" things. She doesn't act like a woman at all, though she doesn't look or act like a man either. Today is the first time this question of whether she might be a L. ever occured to me.. I really need an outside perspective, because obviously she is my mom and I could never be objective when judging such a situation. So I'll try to be brief and list the facts in point form. -She only married once (my dad) and only because of "social pressure", she never loved or liked him, and they devorced two years after they got married. -She never had any relationships serious or otherwise with men after, and never looked for them, she said she doesn't need any men in her life. But she never had any relationships with women either. -Even when she was young, from what I hear she wasn't too interested in men, dating or anything "love-related" I even think maybe she didn't have any boyfriends, the only thing she ever said in that respect ever was" there was one boy who liked me, but I didn't like him" and that's it. -SHe never cares or cared about her appearance, she never uses any makeup, she doesn't even know how to use it at all, has no interest what so ever in shopping, I asked her for like half-a-year that maybe we could go buy her some pretty outfit but she is just not interested, we only went shopping once and even then she resisted buying anything 'pretty" or "fancy" AT the same time though, she doesn't dress like a man either.. -When I ask her opinion about the guys that I myself like, or something about relationships, in the first case she just has nothing to contribute and in the second case, again, she directly says that she can't give me any advise since she didn't have relationships except that brief marriage with my dad. - SHe also has no interest in making our place look nice, she just doesn't care -She was and is very focused on the job, she is a scientist and she was very successful,and she is seriously the only woman who I know of who went alone with her daughter to a different country, because she got a good job there, without any help from husband or any one else.. Esp. seeing how we are coming from a somewhat more traditional society where men are more focused on career and women are more concerned with home, family and relationships. - SO she never had any interest in men (at least for 21 years that I've known her and also from what I know from the past) or any girly stuff and we cannot relate as women at all.. That is especially obvious when I talk to "real" (for lack of a better word) women, like my aunt for instance. We can talk about guys, shopping, beauty, everything with her, it's such a contrast! I know it is very difficult to tell for sure, but still, what would you say after reading all this about my mom? Can you be NOt interested in men at all, and Not act like a woman, but still Not be a lesbian either? DO you think maybe that's the case with my mom?
  2. Why is everyone so reluctant to mention that there is a possibility that he really does like me (no matter in what way)? After all I heard men at this point in life often take some kind of risks and want to try something new, and that often involves yonger women lol. Do you really think it is absolutely, definitely, for sure, CAN'T be a possibility? Why? ..Well that means exactly that he doesn't see me as a patient, because with patients you act professional, and assert boundaries in a polite but straightforward way. I doubt even if he was super polite and shy that he'd have the patience to respond to emails every day, just to avoid telling me something directly... How does he deal with more agressive patients then? And part of his job involves doing that in the community.. ..And yet he encourages and talks to me over email every day now.. Doesn't look consistent to me.. It was actually the other way round. I was referred to him. We had almost twice the usual number of appointments, and he still helps me reach my main doctor as she only talks to patients during appointments..
  3. Umm actually, maybe that was a bit too harsh.. After all he has been nice to me all the time, and as a doctor too, even now, asks his secretary to help me reach another doctor who doesn't provide patients with email, etc.. it's not his responsibility to do all that.. no, he is definitely a nice person, it's just me who is being all impatient and frustrated..
  4. I think what I want is excitement.. and some action already, either towards me or against me, if you know what I mean. If he said "that's it, I use professional email for professional purposes and not supposed to talk to patients about unrelated stuff", that would be better, at least he'd make it clear what his attitude towards all this is. Or vica versa, he could be like, okay let's meet up when I come back from vacation. Again I would know that way. But he just doesn't go either way.. Responds to my emails (now that we hit the subjects of pics he seems way faster at doing that, or maybe it's just because it's weekend). In response to his email where he said about pictures I gave him a link to my blog, saying I like to write too (and that I post many of my pictures there), he responded today in the morning that yes he looked at it, very cool, he is just busy with luggage and everything b.c. he is leaving tomorrow and will read more when he gets back. I guess he is probably undecided, he is afraid of al the consequences obviously, and at the same time maybe it's the first time in his life that a young pretty girl happened to be having a boring time and began contacting him, so he is afraid to come closer and at the same time can't push me away. But I'm not gonna wait around forever, in fact in a couple of days I won't be nearly so bored anymore, and then in September I will be pretty busy, the school will start, there will be many people around..so if he doesn't move in either direction by the end of August, he won't even have the option to after that at all. And then it will be him who will regret for the rest of his life this missed chance, because we always regret the things we never did more than the ones we did do. Because if we never tried, there is always the question "What could have been if..?" I am not saying everything would have been wonderful, but if you never check it out there remains always a possibility that it really could have been. And that's what's gonna bug him. Maybe his life gave him that opportunity, once his kids were grown up and he was at the perfect point to start a new life, but he was too afraid to take it. I am sure he will not forget me and what I represented for him. Maybe he'll commit a suicide b.c. of that :D ..kidding! ..In any case I doubt he will come across another young pretty girl, who will happen to be bored at that time and ready to hang out with him b.c. of that! His practice doesn't involve too many of such people anyway, plus he will be getting older with each year too. Yes! That's what I'm gonna do, if we continue talking, than in september when I become busy at the new University and forget him, I'll send him the last email, I won't say directly what I said here, but will kind of indirectly make it clear about his lost opportunity b.c. he was too slow and now I'm already busy with something else surrounded by people (guys) who are young and thnx for talking to me during my "boring times" and too bad we never got to hang out, who knows we could become very close people, but that's okay, I don't think I need it anymore now.. Something along these lines...and then we'll see how he feels!! Btw I looked at the transference, yes there is probably some of that is present. But whatever they call it it's just happening, the name doesn't change much :)
  5. I don't understand and you guys never told me though what exactly is going to happen to me that's so horrible if we continue talking with the doctor?
  6. So you think he is already breaking professional boundaries and policies by talking to me over professional email about irrelevant stuff and photos? I don't think so, I think he'd never contact me first if I didn't send him an email after he finalized my prescription..
  7. I am curious about him for some reason, so I guess there is some kind of interest. But to be completely honest at the back of my mind I also think it's cool that the doctor deviated a bit from his professional guidelines for me and we are now just talking about random stuff over his work email, including my photos. Makes me feel special--> I know it's not "nice" to think that,but I am at least aware that this too plays a part.. He said yesterday that I have nice photos on the internet (I did modeling as part-time job). So that means he googled my name, so even if I am "interested", then he is too.. But in this context I am only a patient. If I was a nurse and worked where he worked and then became his patient then maybe it would bedifferent (though technically I'd still be a patient to him no matter what) but in this case I am just a patient who just happened to be a nursing student. Also, since, as I said, he told me he googled me and looked at my photos and liked them(and there were some photos in bikini and stuff), he doesn't see anything wrong with it .. so since even he, being in a professional position in this case doesn't see anything wrong with telling me he liked the photos of me he found on the internet, then at least on my part definitely I didn't do anything wrong..
  8. So you think he is afraid I might be expecting something more than friendship and just covering it up with that "friendship-request". He's still replying to my emails, asking questions and stuff, so doesn't look like he is trying to reject me in a nice way, and after our regular appointments ended and before I asked to be friends I would just sometimes sent him irrelevant emails just saying or asking something and he replied and told me to let him know how things are going.. Well we had like 10 appointments, if it was just a random 50 year old I briefly met somewhere that I asked to be friends with that would be weird... So you mean he is okay to be "kind-of" of riends but not close friends and that's why he is doing all that? I just thought maybe since he is married if he gave me his cell number and if I texted him after hours it would look suspicious to his wife and family.. especially if they found out it was his 22 year old female (former) patient..
  9. So if he actually doesn't want to, then why not just say "sorry, you are a nice person but I am not allowed to be friends with my patients" or something like that, and save himself all this hassle? Why waste time coming up with all these excuses over work email :/
  10. Ok I am a nursing student, but in this situation I am a patient. I asked my doctor to become friends with me, after the initial appointments were over (he still continues to be my doctor too, we'll have follow-up appointments). He's also older, he's in his early 50-s I'm in my early 20-s When I asked him if he wants to be friends with me, he asked what is friend to me, and I said to me it's hanging out, talking, going somewhere together etc.. And then he agreed to be friends! BUT! we only exchange messages on his work email!! (though messages are informal). When I mentioned cell numbers he said "his professional cell died and he dopesn't have a personal cell just a pager for on-calls" - Is that possible?? Really? What do you think? When I asked about hanging out he said he's only free after his vacation so that means in more than 2 weeks! And he has one weekend right before vacation but he says he'll work Friday till 6:30 and Sat and Sund he has to get ready! Really? Two full days to get ready for vacation? And a couple more things like that. Ok it's only been 2 weeks or less since I offered to be friends and he accepted, but still, so many excuses already!! Why then is he avoiding it when I actually ask him to hang out? Or do you think all he said could actually be true (all of it together)?? And in case he's avoiding me, why did he agree to be friends and still talks to me over work email then? What's going on with this guy?? What do you think?
  11. Orlette

    Any INTJ's here?

    i am an intj! 10000% so far no luck in nursing.. terrible at "communication", especially if it involves "idle chat" with patients, good in theoretical subjects, but doing too much research and putting to much effort into them, so that other student's work seems annoyingly shallow to me, very resentful and frustrated about being criticized for lack of initiative to communicate with residents, since chatting is something i dislike and consider inappropriate (esp. at workplace) demoralized by the fact that students who could not pass a grade 7 level math quiz consisting of 19 questions are not in trouble and given 2 more chances with no questions asked, and i am in trouble for "lack of chatting".. aren't basic abilities in math a better indicator of mental capability and therefore capability to do good work (unless you are a labourer or something..)? still don't get one question-- if you as a patient don't want to share info (so that the nurse has to pull it out of you by some "therapeutic communication techniques") and don't trust a nurse to do procedures on you (so she has to build some sort of "trusting relationship" with you in order for you to let her) why come to the clinic in the first place?? i believe the best thing a nurse can say to facilitate the sharing of information is a single phraze: "it is in your best interest to tell me all about your symptoms, as withholding the information may lead to wrong diagnosis, which will in turn lead to adverse effects and/or the delay of effective treatment, resulting in potentially severe complications and possible [slow and painful, (ok doesn't have to be)] death". pretty logical, truthfull.. and i'm sure more effective than all the therapeutic communication techniques put together;)
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