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celly

celly

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  1. Hi!! Thanks for getting back to me. It helps to be able to talk to someone who is going through the same things. I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I am in the same boat...i deffo don't feel like the meds are doing enough. There are days when he is on top of the world....like today he sent me a beatiful flowers to work and apologized for how he had been...is being very loving and attentive, talkative and just being himself!! But it is almost like the calm before the storm...i almost feel like i can't enjoy it because in the back of my mind i know at some point the bottom is going to fall out again. He has been given busbar for anxiety and seems to think that it may help him...but i am nervous of the effects and if it will just put him back in zombie mode. It's so hard i feel as though we just go round and round in the same circle...i just want some stability and happiness for myself and my children...and for him too. It's crazy cause for as angry as I get at him i really do love him and at times i just get so fustrated....and i have been reading books that say it's not them your mad at it's the disease but at times i just feel like the disease is used as an excuse...i don't know. And i know your right in what your saying about not letting his disease over take my life but I guess maybe because my head knows you and everyone else who tells me the same is right but my heart doesn't want to believe it and i still think i can fix everything. Anyway thanks for listening and responding back...it really does help me alot. Hope we can talk soon.:)
  2. Hi!! I am coming onto this group hoping that someone can help me. I will try and make a long story as short as I possibly can :p. My husband and I will be married three years this July. When I met him I knew he suffered from deppression and of course thought it was because of his then girlfriend. I have a tendancy to think I can fix people so I thought that once he was with me I would make him happy and everything would be wonderful...WRONG!!!!:crying2: We have a beautiful little girl who is two and I have two children from a previous marriage that we see everyother weekend. I guess my husband has struggled with deppression his whole life and thus masked his pain by abusing drugs. As far as I know he has been clean for over a year now, he had done an inpatient rehab and currentlly takes suboxen, though i do sometimes wonder if he is high. Needless to say I am at my wits end...it seems we go round and round in the same circle once every month or so. He becomes moody, withdrawn, can sleep forever (he typically is in bed and asleep by 8pm while i lay there boiling with anger) I have tried and tried to talk to him about how his depression doesn't just effect him but myself and our children as well. It doesn't seem to do me any good though, as when he gets into a state for lack of a better word there is no reaching him. He doesn't work and claims this to be one of his major deppression factors, however he doesn't look either. He stays home and either sleeps the day away or plays video games. Im the one who sends his resume everwhere. I on the other hand work a full time job and am up and down with the baby all night as he is already passed out. He is currentlly seeing a physctrist (i apologize for my spelling) and started off on lexapro 10mg which made a world of diffrence and then was upped to 20 which made him to tired to fuction. He then went onto paxil which didn't seem to help much and is now back on the lexapro 10mg which isn't doing anything either. I have written his doctor about what's going on but that doesn't seem to do any good. I really feel like i can't take it any more....the emotionlessness...for example he did something wrong and simply will not apologize...he doesn't seem to care how much he hurts me. The lack of intamacy, motivation and the fact that he just doesn't participate in anything. He would rather lock himself away in our room and play games or sleep. I really can't take it anymore and when I try to talk to him he becomes so deffensive and angry and his responses are cold and hurtfull. I am going to see a physciatrist myself because this is starting to really effect me to the point that Im not sleeping (mind you i have been sleeping on the couch because i am so disgusted with him that the sound of his constant snoring makes my blood boil) i am making mistakes at work and feel really really hurt and so angry....i almost want to take our daughter and disappear on a weekend when he decides to sleep until 12 just to try and wake him up...but i doubt it will work. I feel like i could leave him tommorow and he wouldn't do a damn thing to fight for me. I really really can't take it no more....someone please help!! I am starting to wonder if i made a huge mistake and would be better off by myself. There is no romance, if we do anything together it's because I schedule it. If i do manage to get through to him, things get better for a few weeks and then go right back to ****. I really don't know what to do....i work all day i dont want to be in bed by 8!! All my friends tell me he isn't going to change and that I should just put all of the energy that is in my anger towards myself and my children. Do I just focus on myself, make myself happy and forget about the man who is masked by this disease?? Do i let this be the time that he really pushes me away?? Will leaving him alone, being withdrawn and distant to him make him wake up or will it put the final nail into the coffin my marriage is already burried in???
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