wow! where do i begin?? i think first, highest praises to you for your utterly selfless passion for protecting women from the obvious hell you have endured. i wish there were more people with your passion and insight. i knew, however, when i wrote that last night that many would see it as 'making excuses' for his behaviors. indeed, he has some behaviors that are not so desirable. but one thing about him is that, believe it or not, he is adaptable in his thinking. he may not get it the first time or even the fifth (he is a man after all :lol2: ), but he does treat me as an equal in that he will loosen his mindset and listen to what i have to say, most of the time.
more about him....this man actually puts mothers and kids on some kind of pseudo-god pedestal...no kidding. this used to bother me because i started getting the feeling that while yes, he loves me, he will value me more when i am the mother of his children - and i just wanted to have an absolute value, just for my mere existance, not because i give him children.
also, believe it or not, he does respect and think highly of nurses in general. i'm pretty sure when he said that yesterday, he was inquiring about whether or not 'just any 'ol joe' (read: general public) was responding. now there have been times when he is on call and he will get a page, get off the phone, and shake his head, and mutter, "stupid". and when i ask him what the nurse wanted....honestly, it was a stupid call. i have also heard him say, "wow, sharp nurse", etc. as well. and nurses, just for the record, i try to help us out with little things like telling him, "honey, please don't order demerol iv q6h and then phenergan iv q4h - please order them on the same time frame so the nurses aren't constantly running" (remember, i work med/surg). and, "please don't write to call you with results - instead, please write to call if results are abnormal", etc. i have noticed that he has incorporated some of my 'pro nurses' suggestions into his communications.
i can tell you that this man is no more judgemental than the average person. why? because he knows what it is like to be judged on stupid agendas....being from india, he can tell you that the caste system is still still flagrantly in operation there. what that means is that an individual with a 'non-elite' last name is strongly discouraged from becoming anything else other than the 'approved' professions for that last name (carpenter, janitor, etc.). people there in india still judge you and your worth as a human being based on your last name - even if you 'broke the rules' and became a physician like he did!!!! now, i'll have to check on this with him about whether or not this still goes on today (i think he said it does in remote parts?), but he has told me that because of this crazy social system of theirs, people of a 'lower caste' would be killed for things like reading a book!!!!!!
sorry to go off on a tangent there. another thing right quick....haley only growls if he gets real close to her and he starts talking abrasively to her. i do think he is kinda like a bratty little kid who enjoys aggravating the animal who he now knows hates him (which indeed he caused) and he can get 'rialed up'. and while that is still not acceptable and will have to change, it is not the same as downright abuse. i can tell you honestly, if i even had an inkling that he did stuff like kick my cat, etc., i would first beat him to a pulp (i've scrapped with a few guys before) and then he would be out of my life forever!
but back to the lovely lady this reply was intended for....thank you, a thousand times, thank you, for your concern. i will heed your (and others') warnings and scrutinize him more closely, as i don't want to end up miserable. i'm 35 y/o and have never been married. it won't kill me to wait several more years if need be. in fact, it kinda sticks in my mind, the many older female patients i've cared for who have said that they would never get married again because they are much happier being single.
whew, my fingers are tired!