No Stars In My Eyes

I enjoy the autumn weather best; and you?

Tiny Tim

Well, Nannie's PCP is on vacation, wouldn't you know it?! (of course!), but hubby talked to her former PCP, same practice but in a diff position. This prior PCP is VERY familiar with Nannie, having seen Nannie for YEARS, and she had some opinions about the meds, like weaning off one and upping the dose/freq on another. She will speak with current PCP about it. We will not able to send Nannie in for an mental eval; it would have to be a psychiatrist arranging an admission, and after he/she talked w/ her, would probably just say Nannie has "Dementia and/or Alzheimers" and "there ain't no cure for our summer-time blues." So after the meds issues get settled and underway, perhaps Nannie won't be quite as difficult to deal with. We may get some respite for a few shifts a month via an agency, as I don't believe hubby thinks placing her would be economically feasible. Next he needs to talk w/ a financial advisor about what she has and what/how it can be used to her best advantage, but without pulling the rug out from under us. This is all so mentally wearing. I told hubby he must have given her a time-release talk-talk-talk pill when she got up late this morning. She just could NOT shut up, filling the air with twisted fairy-tales and mixed up everything, seamlessly rolling on out of her mouth with nary a breath. EGADS! We have been taking turns, switching out to give each other a break from the verbal barrage. If I didn't already know her, it MIGHT be kind of interesting, but aside from already KNOWING much of her history, I have had to listen to it all, at least daily, for 15 months. Except, of course, with the difference of names, people, subjects, years, incidences, occurances and complete fabrications. It is still crushingly boring, however it is told. Sadly, she has always been very severely self-centered, that even though we know she has dementia, which amplifies that aspect, it is hard to tolerate 24 hrs a day of me-me-me-me-me-me-me-. Again, thanks for being there to lean on and jabber to. Since it is only Monday, maybe we can get something, some little, but concrete thing established this week, a genuine start, so as to not feel like we are whirling down the drain. I don't want to hear that huge, slurpy sucking sound!

Gaaaaaaahhhh! The humidity is positively DISGUSTING! And "it's hotter than hinges of Hades!" (my mom used to say.) Oh well. This too shall pass. Nannie's got a cold; don't know how/where she picked it up from.... I got a large can of Lysol Spray because she is not one to cover her sneezes and coughs. The exo cast makes hand-washing difficult because it ain't s'posta get wet. She sneezes and says "I just don't know what's wrong with me!" like um, it's so hard to figure out! We tell her she just has a common cold. I am being very good not to say something like "You've got Kookamongus of the Bingus, and you only have 2 days to live!" She's frequently one of those worst-case-scenarios thinkers: Cancer! Heart attack! Cancer! Cancer! I just heard from hubby that my father-in-law once had her admitted to a 'mental ward' for evaluation because for about two years she was convinced she was allergic to almost everything, food, chemicals, etc. She spent so much money on an 'allergy doctor' who pushed lots of his own supplements, multiple kinds, at a big expense; FiL figured if he was going to have to pay out the nose for HER to get what she considered necessary treatment (and it was treatment did not seem to make a heck of a lot of difference), then HE was going to pay for something HE thought was necessary. I'm not sure about the reaction she had or the results, back then, but nowadays she eats anything and everything, with NO mention of "the 'A' word", thank the Lord. I started with my standard 'ward off a cold' treatment, which has worked well for me over the years: Vit C 1 gm TID, Ecchinacia 100 mg TID, and Zinc 30 - 50 mg QD. If I am actually experiencing the start of cold symptoms, I bump the Vit C and Ecc up to QID. Then over the next few days, I taper the frequency; then I'm off it when I know the coast is clear, so to speak. Hubby's been on the phone with various people (Dr's office, a paralegal for a lawyer, several people who have had to follow a similar path with a parent) seeing about various options for The Nannie Problem. He is waiting for call-backs from several. The Spine place offered me a cancellation spot for my ablation, a whole month earlier. But, since I have to have hubby drive me to the Big City and wait there until they are through with me, arrangements must be made and I don't want to pile everything together in one short period of time. Once he hears back from the doc, we'll prolly call some agencies to see about getting respite care for us in general and for my appt day in particular. Ozzie is doing well as an only child, which is comforting. Joe, I hope your cat's limp disappears. BCg, I wish your kitty had returned. Did you say it was old or maybe sick? Maybe it was adopted as a stray by someone else. It's sad not knowing, though. Tweety, you are a man of few words today! Ted, wish I could have seen Amy in the play. We don't socialize, well, I was going to say "much", but truthfully, right now, it's AT ALL. Of course we were kind of homebodies when we lived up in the mountains, but we knew a lot of folks, and that was way different from how it is here, naturally. Hey, when I was at PT this morning, I used the scale I've been weighed on there, and I have lost 5 entire, whole pounds! w00t! I have 2 more PT appts before the head PT guy re-evaluates me. I have to whisper this part so the gypsies don't hear me say it, but, I am having very little actual pain in my lower back and hips; even my knees have been quieter. And the bursitis shot in my right shoulder seems to have done the trick! It is AMAZING!!!!!

Rah-rah, Sis-boom-bah! The word is: BAH!

In this heat?????

Good afternoon to one and all... I was trying to stay asleep this morning, but my bladder kept me tossing and turning while I tried my best to ignore it. Finally Ozzie came out from under the bed and said, "buf!", so I got up, He was patient while I took care of getting ready to take him out. Then we went outside and he peed a lake-ful, and did his 'bin'ezz'. We went to the end of the driveway to get the Sunday papers, and back, where he took up his spot on the sofa. We had a whole hour of peace and quiet to ourselves; it was wonderful. Then Nannie got up. You know, yesterday I spent most of the afternoon in my room, so hubby was saddled with keeping Nannie company and keeping an eye on her more than usual. He was so mentally smothered and exhausted by her that he went to bed about 15 minutes after she did, which was early (8:15 PM). When he mentioned this morning that we needed some stuff from the grocery and pharmacy, I told him that HE needed to go, so he could get away from the house for a while. She was bad yesterday ... as soon as she was alone in the den (hubby was in the bathroom) she got up and left through the back door, without her walker, and toddled down the driveway to check the mailbox. When he saw her out there he grabbed the walker and rolled it out there to her, which made her very angry, because he supposedly had no business telling her whether she could or couldn't go for a walk in her own yard. The no-walker issue did not penetrate her brain. She also took another opportunity to go upstairs by herself, another danger she won't acknowledge, except that she KNOWS to only pull this stuff when she is by herself... I mentioned that we might need door-locks she couldn't reach, or alarms that would sound if she went out a door. Hubby is so tired of the roundabout arguments with her, he is at the point of just letting her do what she wants to do whenever she wants to do it, and let the chips fall where they may. Of course, we know that turning her loose with her whims isn't the best way of tending to her health and safety. But she has been this way all her life, she's going to get her own way regardless; she is relentless and MEAN when she is told otherwise. If we manage to arrange an alternate living arrangement for her, it will have to be in a locked "wanderer's ward". Any normal nursing home would kick her out within the first few days of her taking up residence. A few years ago, SiL's mom was made to leave three separate facilities, because she was so difficult to handle. Nannie could match or better that record, I believe! I am so sick of writing about Nannie and her foibles. Maybe one day soon I will have happy days and fun stuff to write about.

Thoughts of Edouard ... I tried to let them go, but they were like my very own personal albatross. I was so relieved to hear he had accepted an assignment in Japan, well away from both my Extreme-Northern and Tropical-Isle Laboratories, and yet, as much as I wanted to, I could not just forget him. I almost hated him. He presence in my life was once like a second-skin to me, but now my skin crawled at the thought of him, because he'd been so inconsiderate of me, by sharing a particularly active case of scabies... and oh, the nights I laid awake, itching, and cussing his name.

BCg, Prayers and good thoughts for your mom.

Afternoon, folks I am up in my little room piddling around. Haven't done any cleaning in here for a week, at least. It's small, so things tend to collect in piles here and there, which is close to there and here. I told hubby I was really tired of Nannie so I'm going to spend the afternoon up here, sorting through this and that (which, yes, is close to that and this.) Near as I can figure, my hidey-hole is around 10' x 10'. Anyway it's all mine and has a great ceiling fan, and for some reason (the fan?) there is dust which reappears all too quickly for my liking. Also, with me having long hair which, whence I brush it, invisibly graces the carpet (Ozzie does not shed), so I have to kind of rake it out of the carpet, as the vac just doesn't get much of it at all. Also, the down blanket which sprung several leaks, and which I have since quit using, still has left little tiny feathers floating around. They are sneaky little suckers....I think I've banished them all, and then a few float across in front of me, or over there, or up there. At least they aren't flying bugs! I took a quick dash over to WalMart, had to get 9 volt batteries for the smoke detectors, a 4 watt nightlight bulb for Ozzie who is afraid of the dark, jumbo pads for Nannie, and a bag of ice for hubby. Oh, yeah, and 2 med refills for me. When I came back, Nannie got up and went to the back door and told hubby (who was sitting outside on the patio) "one of those girls is here, if you want to see her." So, I am still twins! This morning, hubby went downstairs to the den, noticed Nannie's bed was made (smooth as glass, he said), and found her sitting on the toilet trying to fold and cram a pull-up into another pull-up. She had a few pads but they were hidden under empty wraps, as she confuses the box of disposable stuff with the wastebasket. The Dementia is turning into Alzheimer's...I think I mentioned that a few days ago. She's started the 'not knowing what an objects use is' symptom. This morning I also had to pick all the loose cotton stuffing off the maroon bathmat....she had tossed a used pull-up into the laundry and...surprise! it came apart. Hubby and I were talking about things we could do if we had a life, so I believe he is working his way to having a respite plan for us.

I read on a card: "Things that count, don't always matter. Things that matter, don't always count." That's a real philosophical poser, isn't it!?

majorettes

Hey y'all-- I went grocery-shopping early-ish this morning, got home and emptied all the trash, did all the laundry...so domestic. Worst part was treating Pippy's blood-stains on my clothes prior to doing the wash. Also got a sympathy card from the Veterinarians office. sigh. Nannie is explaining to us that her exo-cast is a gas pump. Yes, a gas pump! The gas comes out her thumb, it's plastic cap (to the 'lock') is where you see how much you have to pay, another part tells you how much gas you don't have. And there's no number on the cap, because that means she is full. Brother, oh boy, she is certainly full of something! Well, there's 2 hours until the pre-game show (Braves Baseball) so I think I'll find something to do, maybe upstairs, just to get out of hearing range, Kind of get tired of the questions, like, "Where's Momma?" I said, "Nannie, you are going to be 90 years old in one month; your mother has been gone quite some time now." Also, a short while ago she was in the bathroom huffing and grunting for about 20 minutes, then she said, "Are you girls out there?" I said, "Just one of us!" (I'm still two people to her) She needed help because she couldn't figure out how to get some dry britches on. When I went in there she had stuck 3 pads together, one on top of the other, and crammed them into her crotch; they kind of stuck to her inner thighs and pubic hair....But I came to the rescue; got the right things on in the right sequence. She said she wished I'd come by every day. So I said I'd be here every day until she isn't. Ah me, sirI, I hope your feet quit "zizzing" soon. Heck there's a lot of things I wish would quit zizzing, but your feet are at the top of my list.

Tweety, I read your post from yesterday to my hubby, also 3 links my sister sent me about the ins and outs of what we are facing. So, his conclusion now is that first we have to find an agency and their lists of fees. He said "Surely they wouldn't charge to 'open a case...' and I said, "They aren't going to send an RN out to do gobs of paper work for nuthin'!!!" Nanny will be covering the costs, though you are right about none of us not having a good amount, financially. She doesn't have much of anything except the $ she saved for her funeral, and maybe $8,000 in her checking acct. She does have investments w/ Edward Jones, and SS (although she never worked). But none of it is bottomless. All hubby and I have is our SS checks each month. BUT, the upshot was that the discussion has started in earnest. We have no neighbors or church-folk who we'd be able to ask to sit w/ her when we go to see an eldercare attorney; she needs an experienced aide who is bigger than her and, sorry to say, not black. (Southern old folks...what a pain, and embarrassing, as well!) Anyway, I hope to gently push him a little over the weekend to draw up an initial plan and make an appt w/ an eldercare lawyer first thing next week. Her doc said he would be willing to testify in court that she is incompetent; we need to find out, too, if we need a , what, neurologist/psychiatrist, whatever-ist? Hope to get on the ball next week. Seems how weekends always save hubby from having to do something until later. I am willing to help, but I can't set everything up so he can just walk through it; HE has to have a professional guide him. It isn't MY mother, and I am not willing to take on the entire task of straightening out and setting up for all her needs. It would make me bat-guano crazy and quite resentful to boot. BCg, I am so sorry to hear about your cat being gone so long; it is worrisome, for sure. I am comforting myself about Pippy by thinking of her in dog-heaven, having been greeted by some of my previous very-favorite dogs, Fang and Moosie in particular; plus she'll have no more toothaches or hip pains, cataracts, or compensating for being a runt. The one thing hardest for me is remembering the look she gave me from her white eyes, like "Aren't you coming with me???" I felt so awful seeing her led away because of that. I wish I had carried her to where they were taking her. With the way she struggled about being held was the reason I didn't go to hold her for 'the procedure.' The biggest reason we had to have her put down was, among the things mentioned above, the vet had said her back teeth and gums were so awful, she'd need at least 3 weeks on antibiotics, which would do nothing to stop the bleeding; also, that because of her age and bones, he couldn't guarantee her lower jaw-bone wouldn't snap, even if he was careful pulling those two teeth. We're talking several thousand dollars for everything. She was exactly 12 years and one month old, to the day. We gave her a great life, she was a happy, spoiled-sweet little dog who wanted to be beside me all the time. It's sad, but it's part of life, and I have had to have many pets in my 70 years put down...usually due to old-age and old-age problems. I know I'm a good fur-baby Mom, but still, saying goodbye forever is HARD, even when it's the best thing for the pet. I have to bail out here, stuff is happening. (Surprise!) Talk to y'all later.

It's not quite midnight yet on the left coast, but it's been Wednesday here for the past 2 & 1/2 hours, so I'd say this can qualify as a Good Morning post. Hope today's Wednesday Daily Diary, started in the early-EARLY morning by someone who mostly posts late afternoons, doesn't get lost in cyberspace. Maybe if a guide can sees, he/she could meld/weld, and otherwise join any other posts (maybe started a bit later by one to three of "The Trinity"?) I'm sure we'd all appreciate it. So would you like to start this middle-of-the-week day with a really awful joke told to me by a little 4 yr old girl this AM as we waited in line at the pharmacy? You'll just have to picture a young thin little girl giggling, hopping, jumping, just really-really-really wanting to tell me her joke, and the squealing that she did when she delivered the punchline.....[get ready] Q.) What is green and bumpy and jumps up and down? A.) A cucumber with the hiccups. Hey, I never said it was funny! I am up in the den doing night-duty; Nannie has been up three times in about 4 hours, to go pee. The dogs are spending the night down here with me. Wish you could have seen Ozzie acting a little concerned when it was past 11 PM and we usually go upstairs at 10:30 PM .And the little hop, wiggle, and wag of excitement from Pippy when I brought my pillows and comforter down and set them on the sofa. She immediately took up her usual spot glued to my right hip and sighed with contentment when I put the corner of the comforter over her. I'm going to doze a tad because I won't get fired for doing so. GOOD MORNING! Hope everyone has a decent day today!