A little background: I was raised going to Church every Sunday. I was raised to pray every day. I remember my Mom praying with me every night before bed. Even at a young age, I questioned a lot of what I was told. I remember being in second grade and a classmate told me that before you are born, you (your spirit, whatever) and God together select who your family will be on earth. I remember at the age of 7 thinking "there's no way that's true because I wouldn't have chosen this."
By high school, I had no use for organized religion whatsoever. My mother forced me to go through confirmation in 10th grade and we STILL fight about that today. I abruptly stopped attending mass as soon as I turned 18. But though I had no use for religion, I still acknowledged spirituality. I considered myself to be "Agnostic". If you'd asked me more recently, I would say that I don't believe in God but I do speak to the Universe. (I just read on Wikipedia that there actually is a name for this, interesting.)
I'm starting to doubt it all. The idea of God as an all-knowing, all-powerful, ever present and all good being just doesn't mesh with my experience of the world. I can reconcile the experiences I've had in my personal life for the most part and realize that even the extremely negative experiences have shaped the person I am today. But with my patients, innocent children who've been dealt the most rotten hands in life, I cannot reconcile that with there existing a being that's in control of everything.
I've seen so many kids over the years dying of cancer. I've seen their families' desperate prayers go unanswered. I've also heard the stories these families tell of the signs they get from their children from the beyond. Working in pediatric oncology did not, in and of itself, make me actively doubt God's existence. It's a few of my neglected patients and their situations that did.
If there really is a being that's all powerful, ever present and all good, WHY wouldn't there be something done to protect a disabled child from being in a household with family members who steal her medication? Why after 4 reports of neglect to the state in a 48 hour period would this being not intervene and influence the outcome in some way?