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GrumpyRN

Retired Emergency Nurse Practitioner

Retired ENP. 35+ years of experience. From Scotland.

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  1. GrumpyRN

    The President Donald Trump Thread

    I'm not trying to hijack or divert the thread but thought you may be interested in the Scottish government thinking about investigating the Trump golf courses for money laundering. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-scotland-politics-51666413 You really could not make this stuff up.
  2. GrumpyRN

    Game of Groans

    Yep, it's called whisky.
  3. GrumpyRN

    Game of Groans

    I had to Google (actually I use DuckDuckGo) for this as I had never heard of it. Apparantly Amazon will sell me 1 x 230g bag for £33.95 ($44.25) so I think I will give that a miss.
  4. GrumpyRN

    The President Donald Trump Thread

    There you go... You have found a use for Trump after all.
  5. GrumpyRN

    Game of Groans

    Hey!!!!! Are you stalking me????
  6. GrumpyRN

    Game of Groans

    Seeing as it is cold outside; Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? A: Frostbite! Q. What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum? A. A meltdown! Grandma's been staring through the window ever since it started to snow. If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in. It's so cold that I have to take half a Viagra so I won't pee on my shoes.
  7. GrumpyRN

    Game of Groans

    Sorry, could not resist.
  8. GrumpyRN

    Game of Groans

    Forget about what?????
  9. GrumpyRN

    Game of Groans

    What is the worst part about being told you have Alzheimer's? It never happens just once.
  10. GrumpyRN

    Game of Groans

    What the f....... (Fridge, what the fridge. Honest moderators, I'm not breaching TOS.) Am I missing something with all these random rhyming words.
  11. GrumpyRN

    Game of Groans

    I am only in my mid 60's. The 87 in my last post was just a number for effect.
  12. GrumpyRN

    Game of Groans

    I’m very old now and I’ve got a body like a dropped lasagne. Women now look at my naked body in the same fearful way that pensioners look at snow. You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my 87th birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. OK, watch from 0:15.
  13. GrumpyRN

    Game of Groans

    Just had a thought.... Why do you think I am Grumpy? A trial is taking place in Mississippi. The defendant is a sweet grandmotherly type. Defense Attorney: What is your age? Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you? Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me. Defense Attorney: Did you know him? Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly. Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you? Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him? Little Old Woman: No, I didn’t stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago. Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then? Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years! Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him, “Take me, young man, Take me!” Defense Attorney: What happened? Little Old Woman: That’s when he yelled, “April Fool!” And that’s when I shot the son of a b*tch!
  14. GrumpyRN

    Game of Groans

    An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. “You’ve got to be kidding,” he said. “I’m almost 60 years old.” The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. “The tip’s for carding me,” he said. The bartender put the change in the tip cup. “Thanks,” he said. “Works every time.” “What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old cousin. “Someone who will wear something just to look different,” I said. “They’ll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses.” “Is Grandma a hipster?” he asked. We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning. After much nagging from his wife, Sam was visiting the audiologist. Yes, he would need hearing aids and they ranged in price from $10.00 to $2,000, was what he was told. “I’ll try the $10.00 pair” Sam said. The nurse placed the hearing aids into his ears and hung a wire around his neck. “Does the wire really have to be around my neck?” asked Sam. “Why of course!” replied the nurse. “You think these things in your ears do anything?! It’s the wire around your neck – it makes people talk louder!”
  15. GrumpyRN

    Game of Groans

    I don't know, there is some grey haired, fat old guy following me. I see him in shop windows but when I turn around he isn't there.
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