Take one of the issues off the table....if he won't help with the housework, hire a maid to come by once a week. The cost is worth your peace of mind, and it will force him to fish or cut bait on this issue. Maybe he will help out if he thinks it costs too much. When my wife and I were both working high stress jobs (I was the techie then), we had a maid come by once every two weeks to do a little light cleaning. It gave us more time together when we did have time off at the same time. Now that I have returned to school, we both do it.