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  1. AndrewCraigRN

    I need advice pertaining to my mom...

    HaHaHaHAAA! not?
  2. AndrewCraigRN

    I need advice pertaining to my mom...

    While I do appreciate your point of view, you seem to have been through a great deal, I'm not looking to protect her. Also, I do understand that a majority of mother-son relationships don't include this type of closeness, you aren't grasping the concept of little family here. Literally, it's myself and her, that's it. Her side of the family doesn't talk to us, and likewise for my father's side. My real-father was never there, so my family isn't really a family like most, because of that, we are closer than a majority of families in this sense. I do stay out of her personal life, what I stated was my observations growing up as well as current. When in the immediate viccinty of my mother after she has been hurt once again, ofcourse, I'm GOING to be the shoulder she cries on, there is no one else. Normally, I would take the maturity comment offensive, but I do understand that you don't grasp our type of "family." As far as advice, I was looking for something like "What would you say to her?" WHEN she is crying. I live with her, there for it is my obligation to be a good son, as I have always been. Thanks.
  3. AndrewCraigRN

    I need advice pertaining to my mom...

    Wow, thank you all! I definitely consider what all you have said. I appreciate the time taken to write a response!
  4. AndrewCraigRN

    I need advice pertaining to my mom...

    First of all, this has nothing to do with nursing at all. I'm looking for some advice, because frankly, I'm pretty sure a majority of people on here on this site are women, for this, I believe all of you out there may have some insight to her situation. But, I'll give you some idea of what is going on. First of all, Me and my mom are exceptionally close. She was a single mother a majority of my life, and for that, she is really independent and strong. She has taken care of me to the best of her ability, and she has done an exceptional job. I had whatever I needed when I grew up. Decent clothes, school stuff, gifts, etc. She really made sure that I had the childhood that she didn't as she grew up herself. Also as I grew up, I was essentially the person she confided in when she was hurting inside. Whenever she had a bad break up, we talked. Whenever she had a bad day, we talked. We talked so much, that whenever she was hurting due to a bad breakup, I became exceptionally protective of her. But I only became protective because I was old enough to say so. My mother has been divorced 3 times, but through no fault of her own, each guy was a real POS. First guy, my dad, was in the navy, and this was her first marriage, and he was traveling with the job, it just didn't work out. Second guy, I don't know a whole lot about, but obviously, it ended. Third guy, whom she was married to for seven years, was a compulsive liar about "missing" money, and had a drug problem, unbeknownst to my mom until later in the marriage. She tried her hardest to the point of sickness to work the third marriage out. He had back taxes, secret child support payments he didn't pay, but she still tried and tried and tried, but couldn't take in any longer. Until finally, she met her dream guy on cupid.com. He was really a decent guy. He is well groomed, self sufficient, has a great job in Army Corps of Engineers, and has a nice condo. She didn't date him strictly for his money, but the fact that he took care of himself, and was successful, appealed to my mom because she didn't have to be a baby sitter/financial backer for another man. It was a relief for her, and she finally had someone to take care of her. They visited all kinds of nice cities, and even, went to canada and mexico together. They shared the same interestes, nice wine and beer, nice music. It really seemed to fit the ideal relationship for both of them. Until recently, this perfect relationship started to fall apart. One night, my mom couldn't get a hold of Jim on his cell phone. This was odd, because Jim would text and call so frequently, that it would be slightly annoying. So, we decided to take alittle stroll over to his condo. We open the garage door and his car isn't there. Hmm? This seems odd. We walk in, and his dog is still in the pen. So we start calling all the ERs in the area wondering if he may have gotten into an accident. No luck in finding him in the ER, but a relief he is ok. We start to leave, and my mom directs me to a local bar that they usually go to. It's one of their favorites. We drive in back and we find his car. This is even more odd. We walk inside the back door, and I see him. Sitting next to another woman. I ask my mom to stay in the back, because I wanted to find out for myself what was going on. She does so. I walk next to them, sit down, and just listen. Then he turns to order another beer, and sees me. He greets me,but I could hear in his voice, he was slightly surprised, but more worried. I introduce myself to the woman, and simply say," Jim, we've been looking for you, why don't you give my mom a call?" We end up leaving, and my mom is literally speachless. He calls in a frantic saying that it's just a friend from work, and they happen to run into eachother. I tell him my mom will call you when she wants to talk. We drive home, and I end up leaving again, going down to the bar, asking people if they saw them getting too friendly. No one saw anything, doubtful, but whatever. I end up driving over to his house that night, merely not to yell at him, but to hear his side of the story. Apparently, it's just a work friend, they ran into eachother, and that's it. No bad intentions. Ok, I give him the benefit of the doubt, it's just a miss understanding. And so does my mom. She forgives him. But, a couple weeks later he does the same thing. We end up finding out from one of my mom's co-workers that sees him down there, and my mom actually forgave him again. But, with an ultimatum,"three strikes your out" type of deal. But, she finds him again with her at the bar tonight. My mom packed up his stuff his and I took it too him when he drove by. You see, I gave the guy the benefit of a doubt the first time. I even went along with my mom the second time. But a third? Come on now Jim! First of all, even if it's just a innocent hang-out session, as anyone knows, you Atleast call your Girlfriend. Am I wrong? That just isn't right. If you a guy hangs out with a female without consent, or atleast calling to find out, that's just wrong. It invades the trust between a man and a woman. And I told him all this, and apparently, after the fact he realizes what he had done wrong. But as he says, it was merely just a beer. THAT is not the point my friend. And 3 times? no no no. That's not how it works. So, my mom is in utter breakdown. She seams to think that something is wrong with her. But this isn't the case. My mom is a kind, forgiving, beautiful, woman. Among so many other qualities. I guess, I'm looking for any advice I could say or do in this situation. Ofcourse, I'm here for her. I've always been. I hurts me to that she thinks she has some awful flaw when in reality, she is a fantastic woman. She has had some serious bad luck finding a decent guy. So what would you do in my shoes? What would you say to try to ease the pain, if you were you in the same boat? Thank you for anything that would help me out! -Andrew

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