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NurseCard

RN
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  1. I feel like I'm trapped in a room with no way out. I picture in my head, someone running around a big room with blue steel walls, bouncing off of said walls trying to find a way out of the room, and can't. That is literally how my life feels right now. I used to be such a happy person. In fact I prided myself on the fact that I was happy. I try to see humor in everything. I try to laugh at things. I try not to take life so seriously. I SHOULD be happy. My life is not that bad. Maybe it's just more monotonous than anything. I posted an article/blog post about my husband about a week ago. He no longer feels like a partner, or even much of a friend. He is just... there. He doesn't help out around the house at all, and tends to get angry if I even ask him to help with anything. He tends to come home from work and camp out in his recliner, then he goes to bed about 830 every single night. He constantly wants to let us all know how bad he is feeling, or what is hurting. My kids are wonderful, and they are the world to me... but it's not enough. It's just not enough. I have no social life to speak of. I have a handful of friends, none of whom are really truly actively IN my life. None of whom I feel like I can just call up at a moment's notice and just say hey, what's up, lets go for coffee. Okay I have ONE, she works with me. She's cool. I wish I didn't feel like I'd lose her if I left my job for another one. I didn't use to want or feel like I needed, a social life. I used to feel like my husband and kids were plenty. That's back before my husband turned into a ghost. A shell. I miss those days. I have a nice house. That should make me happy, right? It did, for a while! Now I'm ready to sell the place and go back to a much smaller house; the very thing that I wanted for so long to get away from. Our old house was so small and crowded... but as its size was small, so was our mortgage! Now I'm stuck in high paying nursing jobs, and thus highly stressful nursing jobs. I'm stuck. Did I mention, hubby does work. That should make me happy I suppose. At least he works. Wonder if he would bring in more money if he just applied for disability and got it over with. Because he sure doesn't make very much now. He never has. I've been the breadwinner for a very long time. I don't even feel close to my family anymore. MY family I mean. My parents and my brother. My brother has his own, very active life and doesn't have much time for his ol' sister. My parents... I love them dearly and it is purely my fault that we are not as close as we could be. I don't call them or visit enough. That's something I CAN change, fairly easily. Something I NEED to change, before it's too late. Life is really.. not good right now. It should be. It's just not.
  2. Okay, before I get started... Let me share some good news! My son is improving his basketball skills, and had two great games this past Saturday! My daughter stepped way out of her comfort zone, also on Saturday, and performed a mallet solo for a score/rating, at the KY State Solo and Ensemble festival! I am so proud of both of them. They are both working hard to be successful at their chosen activities, and they are both just wonderful kids! Parenting... It's fun lately! Marriage... Eh. Not so much. So once again, I'll just get right to it. My husband is not quite 50 years old, and suffers from Rheumatoid arthritis. I feel more and more everyday, like he is giving up on life. I want to understand that he hurts. I want to understand that he is tired of hurting. I also miss the way life used to be. Funny thing is, I can't even remember the last time that my husband truly lived his life. I can't remember when he seemed to want to enjoy life and have any fun whatsoever. Oh, occasionally he will make half-hearted suggestions of possible activities that we might engage in outside of watching TV in his "man-cave". Those suggestions usually lead to nothing, and so he continues to sit in his recliner. It's hard to accept that this is simply how it is when one partner in a relationship is chronically ill, and the other is healthy. Oh, I suppose that I could get out and enjoy my life, my way. Travel, dine, drink, dance, go skiing, go hiking, ride coasters... Whatever! Guilt, and missing him, get in the way. I don't know what I would do without the guy. I've been with him since I was 17 years old. He says to me often, "I'm not going to be around that much longer". He has actually been saying that for quite a few years... He has always seemed to have this belief that he would not live to a very old age. It's scary. The thought of being without him is absolutely terrifying. I find myself, more and more, preparing myself for a time when he isn't here. Well, that got depressing... So! How 'bout them Cardinals!
  3. Let's just get right to the point. Heck with it. I have a daughter who is active in her school's marching band, as well as her school's archery team. I have a son who is a budding basketball player. I want my kids to do well. I want them to shine. I do. I get jealous when other kids get recognized, get the spotlight, while my kids get overlooked. Oh sure, the kids who are the best basketball players, who make all of the three pointers.. they are the kids who are naturally going to get all the glory. That girl who made All State band... The only one from my daughter's school to make it... Of COURSE my daughter's band director is going to constantly make every concert, every marching band show, all about his girl. Let's just talk some more about school band. It's a sore spot for me. My daughter loves band. Absolutely loves it. Works her tail off every marching band season, just like everyone else. In fact, her whole section works hard? What section is she in? Pit percussion. The Pit. The forgotten ones. In fact, pretty much all of the percussion section gets overlooked by her band director. His babies are the woodwinds. You can tell who his favorites are by looking at Facebook. Evil Facebook. That social media platform that I really just need to get rid of once and for all. I know that the harder my kids work, the better they are going to get at their chosen sports, instruments, etc... I know this. I know that the better they get, the more recognition that they will receive. I however, get very annoyed at band directors who make it so BLATANTLY clear who their favorite kids are. My daughter HAS worked very hard. She played an instrument last year that she was VERY unfamiliar with, the Vibraphone, and played as much of a role in helping that band win a State CHAMPIONSHIP, as any other kid in that band. He actually went on Instagram the other day and posted TEN pictures that he had taken himself, in a row, of his little All State flute player. It was supposed to be a joke... The joke was that she didn't know he was taking her picture, and took about 8-9 different pictures before she realized he was taking her picture. Still... Annoying and rather creepy really. I take nothing away from that girl, she's a sweet girl and an amazing talent. But you know... Can you spread it around a little more maybe??? You've got about 60 other kids in your band. You've got about 4-5 more that you tend to lose your mind over, I know... The rest are just forgotten. Whether they deserve to be or not. Ugh... Maybe the director is just trying extra hard to be a mentor to the kids whom he knows are going to go on to make music their lifelong career. My daughter, while she does love being part of band, considers visual art her passion and is looking at a career in design and illustration. However, it is so disheartening to know, or to feel like, a band director, or a coach, does not care about your child or feel like they are important, especially when both your child AND you, put so much time and effort into the activity. I could go on and on. We'll save it for the next chapter.
  4. Hi admins.  the article that I submitted in the Breakroom still has not been approved.  Can we just make it a regular post?  TY.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. tnbutterfly

      tnbutterfly, BSN, RN

      Hi Nurse Card.  Can you post a summary for the article here and I will add it to your article?  We are sorry we overlooked your article. Thanks for bringing this to our attention.

    3. NurseCard

      NurseCard

      It's a blog post about parental frustration.  Basically, I want my kids to shine, but instead they often get overlooked.  I feel especially like my daughter gets overlooked by her band director because she has so many other interests besides band.  I wrote it while in the throws of PMS, I should probably point out.

    4. tnbutterfly

      tnbutterfly, BSN, RN

      The article has now been posted.  I hear ya about band.  Both of my kids were in the band.  Lots of HARD WORK.  I'm looking forward to chapter 2 of the story...

       

  5. NurseCard

    How Popular Were You When You Were In High School?

    Honey, I think about high school about once a week at least, and I'm 46 years old. I guess it is because it was such a traumatic time for me, that it has had a very lasting effect.. "Traumatic" may be the wrong word to use. My parents were good to me, I wasn't HORRIBLY bullied, I wasn't beat up daily... However I was an anxious mess. I won't use the word "depressed" because I truly was not. I was in love with this boy who rejected me. He was actually one of my best friends, and I didn't want anyone else. I had "friends" who would make fun of me. I was quite unpopular. I was tall, overweight, and shy. Top it all off, I got horrible grades, mainly because I just didn't CARE.
  6. NurseCard

    How to choose a car?

  7. NurseCard

    How to choose a car?

    I'd recommend a Camry any day. They are comfy and last forever.
  8. NurseCard

    September 2018 Caption Contest: Win $100!

    It does make for an interesting Halloween around here...
  9. NurseCard

    September 2018 Caption Contest: Win $100!

    Sure, if I can only be wherever you've been hiding, Mr Clean Scrubs.
  10. NurseCard

    September 2018 Caption Contest: Win $100!

    Sure, if I'm on the deck of a cruise ship with a drink in my hand...
  11. NurseCard

    August 2018 Caption Contest: Win $100!

    "Hello! I am a genie! Thank you for releasing me! Your wish is my command!" "Get us better staffing and better ratios." "Uh... put... me... back... IN!!!"
  12. Alternate title: Family; what a strange word. So, yesterday was my step-grandfather's funeral. We always called him "David". That was how we knew him. He was my Grandma's third husband. Her first husband was actually my mother's biological father, whom my mom never knew. Her second husband was my mom's adoptive father, and the man that I called Grandpa. Most of the funeral attendees were members of David's family. Though my Grandmother and David had been married for most of my 45 years, I had never gotten to know any of his family. So of course, I found myself in a room full of strangers, save for my brother, my parents, and a family friend who accompanied us to the funeral. At one point I decided to exit the funeral chapel and make my way down to the lounge, to find myself a cup of coffee and a bite to eat. Several attendees were also in the lounge, and I could feel their eyes on me, each of them wondering if I was one of Melba's folks, and if so, which granddaughter? Whose kid was I? After munching on a piece of pizza and sipping on some cheap coffee, I found my way back up to the chapel. There was my brother, chatting away with a young man, probably in his early 40's, whom I assumed was another one of David's people. He even bared some resemblance to my dear departed.. David. I later was surprised to find out that this young man was named Michael. As in, my cousin Michael. My first cousin, Michael. Son of my mom's sister. My first cousin. I found it so extraordinary that I did not know my first cousin from Adam. Okay, maybe it's not so extraordinary, really. After all, I had not seen this person since I was about eight years old. Well, unless perhaps, he had attended any of the family reunions that I had been to over the years, and no one had bothered to point out to me that he was present. I would not have known who he was on those occasions, either. First cousin. How can it be that first cousins can be total strangers? Aren't first cousins supposed to be your first friends in life? Your best friends FOR life? In most families that I've come to know, that always seems to be the case. My family is obviously different. I'm a grown adult though; have been for at least 27 years. In those 27 years, I suppose I could have tried harder to acknowledge that I have these family members whom, like them or not, I should know much better than I do. Now I'm sitting here at a desk at work, reflecting on meeting, again, this very close-in-blood family member whom I barely know. I decide to open Facebook. I look up yet another cousin. The son of my mom's full brother, Bubby. His name is Brad. He lives right here in my state, and actually works at a correctional complex where I almost took a job as a nurse. He is my first cousin. He is one of only two full blooded first cousins that I have. He's practically as close to me in blood as my dear brother. And he is a complete and total stranger. I look up his sister. Her name is Eriel. She grew up in Kentucky but now lives in Louisiana. She has pictures of herself on her Facebook page, as well as pictures of her children. She is beautiful and successful, and her kids are darling. She is my mom's full brother's daughter. She is a complete stranger. How did this happen? I think I understand how Mike, and Angela, and Larry Jr, and his sister Katie... how they became so separated from my brother and I. Mostly by distance, and time....What about Brad and Eriel? Full blooded cousins who grew up right here in the same state as my brother and I? Why are we not the best of friends? What if I sent them both a Facebook request? Do they even remember who I am? I believe I know. I think I know how it happened. My mom once told me a story. Well okay, she's told me this story several times... of her brother Bubby, asking my father to co-sign on a vehicle loan. My father, being the generous soul that he is,reluctantly (I'm sure) obliged. Bubby, in return for my dad's sweet generosity, decided not to make the payments on the car, leaving my dad with what I suppose was a heavily damaged credit record. That event damaged my mom's relationship with Bubby, and helped to ensure that I would never get to know any of Bubby's offspring very well. My mom still had enough of a relationship with Bubby, that they would visit each other sporadically over the years, but not often enough that I would ever get to know my cousins. Now, please do not think that I'm bitter towards my mom, for not visiting with her brother, and allowing me to play with my cousins. This is hardly the case. Because, for reasons besides the fact that my uncle ruined my Dad's good credit... I've come to realize that my uncle Bubby is a vile human being. Nevertheless, I would love to know my cousins. I am a grown woman now. I am 45 years old. Whether or not I decide to reach out and try to get to know these people who share my same blood and might as well be siblings... it is totally up to me. Whether or not they accept my attempts, is totally up to them. Might as well try. After all of these lost years, I might as well try.
  13. NurseCard

    Other than AN and work, what do you like to do to pass time?

    I love to swim. I have an above ground pool and use it all of the time. If it were heated I'd keep it open all year. I like to plop down in front of the TV and channel surf. HGTV is my favorite go-to channel. I have young kids still, but not too young; they are 11 and 15. I truly enjoy hanging out with them, as well as my husband. Love family dinners out, day trips, vacations. Love going and watching their activities. I like going for long walks and listening to music as I walk. I like college football and basketball. Hard to believe I didn't mention that first. I'm not as rabid of a fan as I used to be.
  14. NurseCard

    Why is everyone's username not their real name?

    You know what really grinds my gears? When people don't use their real names on Allnurses.
  15. NurseCard

    Fellow Nurse with a no moral compass

    Reminds me of a quote from my favorite comedian (RIP :(), Tim Wilson: "Lizzie Borden! She brutally murdered both of her parents in cold blood, with an axe... but she seemed like a pretty good girl!!!"
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