I'm sorry to hear that you're having these problems with your daughter. I'm also sorry to hear of your loss of your own mother when you were just 9.
What this means is that, sadly, you have no experience of what an adult mother/daughter relationship is like from the side of the daughter. What I can tell you about it (I lost my dad when I was young, but thankfully my mother is still with me!) is that you absolutely cannot compare how you feel when an older person who is not your mother gives you unsolicited advice, to how it feels when your mother gives you unsolicited advice as an adult.
I'm 52 years old and I still react differently when my mother tries to give me unsolicited advice vs. when anyone else does. I find that I resent it more and it makes me much more irritable (mind you, I don't particularly like getting unsolicited advice from anyone), and I'm much more likely to snap when my mother does this to me than when other people do. I've asked myself why this is, and the best answer that I can come up with is that it feels like my own mother doesn't recognize that I am an autonomous adult, capable of making my own decisions. I'm sure she would protest that that's not the case, and you might make the same objection regarding your advice to your daughter, but whether it's meant that way or not, that's still how it feels to me.
Thankfully, my mother tries very hard never to give me unsolicited advice -- mostly because her own mother kept giving her unsolicited advice until the day she died (at which time, my mom was in her 60s) and my mom resented the hell out of it.
Anyway, I'm not sure if you were asking for advice, so forgive me if I'm also committing the sin of offering unsolicited advice -- but my advice to you is to never offer your daughter unsolicited advice, no matter how badly you want to. I suspect that will go a long way in improving your relationship!
Best of luck to you!