I can relate Jackie. I have elderly parents who ask for my advice and get the opinion of their PCP, which is all fine and good as long as our advice/opinions are in line with what they want to hear. However, if the advice isn't to their liking -- recently it was the need to get an MRI and see a specialist in town --- they suddenly know better, and say "I don't think I need that".
While I do believe they have to right to guide their own treatment, it's hard when the rationale for not getting the MRI is "that machine is too loud. I just don't like it", and the rationale for not seeing the specialist is "I don't want to have to go into the big city" -- which by the way, is only 6 miles from my home and I've told them I would do all the driving.
When my patients refuse tx despite my attempts at educating them, I simply document what I've taught, their response, and then I move on. When it's my parents, it's a lot harder, since I will be their care-giver no matter the outcome. That's the hard part.
I have no words of the wise, because it sounds like we are in the same boat. I just wanted to say I understand where you are coming from.