First I'd like to say good on you for entering counseling. You were honest about your concerns, and summed things up pretty good for me when you said it has been rough for you for over 16 yrs. I have come to this AN forum for over 4 yrs and have received some of the best and caring advice when I could not obtain it anywhere else. Especially us being nurses. We are supposedly made of steel and can handle just about anything right? It's all different when we come in the garage door and our relations are tearing us apart or completely down. I'm not attempting to armchair psychology you, but it sounds quite positive that your husband may be willing to let 3rd party intervention be beneficial to your marriage. I have been with one man for 15 yrs and have lived with what I am certain (evidence based) is a combo of depression/bipolar behavior from him. And throw in some serious narcissim. I am always hopeful for any couple who can enter counseling, and or a good doctor who can prescribe the best mood stabalizer for an idividual. I have an undergrad degree in psych, and was so pleased to be able to work at a private stand alone psych hospital. So far that has been the most best nursing job I have ever had so far. Here I was working as a psych nurse, living with a man I've known and loved 15 yrs displaying behavior that would get him admitted by a coroner. But, I was not so lucky. We tried entering counseling two separate times and he scared the shoes off both therapists and one had to call a cab for me, made me stay in their office and refused to let me leave in his vehicle with him. Yeah, that bad. What I am eluding to is that if your husband is willing to or accepts support through counseling or a med therapy that is a gift to you, him and your children. I feel your pain, and wish the very best for you and your family.