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Ted BSN

ICU/CCU

Happily married, no children. Been a nurse for a long time. Been a composer/musician for even longer. Life is good!

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Content by Ted

  1. Good Morning! Thought I'd say a warm "Hello" before another day passes by. . . Had a nice night off from work, last night. Mostly, I slept. L O L! But, yesterday was relaxing. Recently got a new addition to my camera set-up. It's an external recording monitor. It attaches to the camera by a special HDMI cable and provides a larger 7" display of what is being video-recorded. I don't have to wear reading glasses with the larger display! This device also records the video onto an SSD, which provides for longer recordings. This is a neat set-up which I plan on taking with me on our Ireland/Scotland trip. So, I spent the day, yesterday, "practicing" video-recording with this set-up. (I need a lot more practice! L O L!) Today, Amy and I will be doing some grocery shopping together. The weather is supposed to be warm and very spring-like. So, we'll be going for one of our power-walks as well. Work, the other night, was a nice steady-busy. Oddly, I've been less stressed going to work, lately. Work has been a somewhat welcomed diversion. It's weird, admittedly. Over the past couple of years, Dad's declining health has been a major source of stress. During these past couple of years, going to work seemed to augment that stress. Although I sorely miss my Father, I do not miss seeing his body and mind weaken. For good or for bad, having that one source of stress "a thing of the past" seems to make going to work more "normal" (stress-wise). Don't get me wrong. I'd retire NOW if I could!! But work is a reality of life. The bills must get paid. (And, there are more "toys" that I want to purchase!!) But if I HAVE TO go to work, I should at least feel At Peace with this fact of life. Gratefully, I feel "At Peace" with work, much more so now than these past couple of years. I just finished drinking First Coffee. Gonna go downstairs and pour me Second Coffee now. I hope all is well with everyone. I'll be back later to read your posts. Peace. . . Ted
  2. Ted

    Tuesday April 9, 2019

    All this talk about clouds and rain. . . When I woke up this morning, it was cloudy with a light drizzle of rain. Basically, it was a typical early-spring morning. Well, it seems that the sun is attempting to show its warmth and shine now! It's nice to see. With the sun currently making its presence in this part of the world, I'm reminded of a song from the mid-1970s by the Electric Light Orchestra (ELO): "Mr. Blue Sky"! I used to play this song over and over again when I was a teenage. I recently found this tune on YouTube, and started playing it over and over, again, as I did 44+ years ago! L O L! Love the tune! Enjoy! (The animation to this song is pretty wild!!)
  3. Ted

    Tuesday April 9, 2019

    Good Morning! Tweety - Glad you're safe and sound in Tokyo. Must have been a LONG flight! Enjoy the trip!! BCgradnurse - The weather is damp and cool here, too! Getting those April Showers. Still, I'd rather have damp 40+ degree than snowy 20 degree weather!! Yesterday, I caught up on sleep. After church, Sunday, I FINALLY got to bed around 1:30 PM, slept for about 3 hours, then got up to get ready to go to work. This lack of sleep, every other week-end, is so NOT fun. At least work was "Q" Sunday night. I finally dragged my fat behind out of bed, yesterday, around mid-afternoon. (Full bladder woke me up! L O L!) Felt good to sleep in, which is rare for me. For the rest of the afternoon, I just puttered around. In getting ready for our trip to Ireland & Scotland, in two weeks, I took out my camera(s) and lenses to see what I'll be bringing with me then. We're trying to keep our luggage down to a minimum. Still, I MUST take my camera! L O L! Decisions, decisions! Today, both Amy and I are off from work. We have a small list of items that we need to take with us for our trip. Rain gear, is high on that list! After all, we're going to Ireland and Scotland. It rains there, too. A lot! L O L! We're not going to let a little rain (actually, most probably a whole lot of rain) deter us from enjoying our vacation, that's for sure! Otherwise?? Nothing much going on. I'm off from work tonight, working Wednesday night, off from work Thursday and Friday nights, working Saturday night, then I'm off for four nights in a row next week. Currently?? Sipping on Second Coffee. Gosh, it tastes good! Hope all have a pleasant day today! Ted
  4. Ted

    Monday April 1 2019

    Good Morning! Joe - Hope work is "Q" for you today! Hope J's trip is safe and uneventful. Lil Nel - Good to read that you're back home, safe and sound. Glad that you slept well for the night! Had a lovely day, yesterday. Choir rehearsal was productive. Church was nice. In the afternoon, we had a small gathering of family (one of Amy's sisters) and friends (a couple-friend of ours) over. Amy made a delicious dinner. She also made an even delicious-er birthday cake! (Yum!) When they left, Amy and I relaxed together for the rest of the evening and watched re-runs of our favorite shows. Today?? We just got back from dropping Amy's car off for an oil change, and to change out her winter tires to the "regular" tires. Nothing much planned for today. Amy is make final plans for our trip to Ireland & Scotland, which is only a few weeks away now! The itinerary is already planned for our 12-day vacation there. We need to make sure that we have the right clothes for the trip. It seems that raincoats and umbrellas are important to have at hand there. ! For sure, we're not going to let rain ruin our trip! ! We're all looking forward to the travel. Hopefully the whole Brexit thing won't cause too much troubles for us. I'm off from work tonight, working Tuesday night, off Wednesday and Thursday nights, then working the entire week-end. Hope all have a pleasant day today! Ted
  5. Ted

    Saturday March 30 2019

    Good Afternoon! It is BEAUTIFUL outside!! Sunny! Temp in the mid-60s with a refreshing breeze! Just got back from a stroll with the loving wife. The exercise was good! Had a very nice birthday celebration in NYC, Thursday! The weather was nice then, too. Took a walk through Central Park. Had a delicious dinner at Ted's Montana Grill. (Met an old music-college buddy and room-mate, there, too!) After dinner, we walked through Times Square to get to our theater. Gosh, Times Square was exceptionally crowded! LOTs and LOTs of people! Finally made it to the theater and saw the play, "Hillary and Clinton". It was both funny and thought-provoking! Obviously, there was politics involved with the plot. (It took place when Hillary was running for President against Obama, during the primaries in 2007.) However, the show focused more on the relationship between Hillary and her husband, "Clinton". The play was well-scripted and very well performed. After the play, we walked back to our hotel, which was several blocks away from the theater. The city was STILL busy with crowds and traffic at 10:30 PM at night!! I must say that I do enjoy visiting NYC! BUT!! I would not want to live there. Too many people, too much traffic, and a whole lot of noise. It is overwhelming, to say the least! I really enjoy the peaceful quiet of living out in the country. Today's walk confirmed that. All that we heard was the spring wind as we made our way up and down the very rural roadway. But the 24+ hours spent down in the "Big Apple" was fun, was pleasantly eventful, and was the right amount of time spent there. Tonight?!? We're going to see Pat Metheny! Again! It's only about the 5th or 6th time that I've seen him throughout the years! L O L! He's one of my favorite jazz musicians (and I pretty much like them all). Well, I need to take a shower now. . . . Hope all are having a relaxing week-end with safe travels. Ted
  6. Ted

    Thursday March 28, 2019

    Good Morning! Tweety - Hope that "Dreaded Thursday" ends up NOT being dreadful! It's nice to read that SloBro is adjusting well to being a solo dog. When our Chelsea passed away, 1+ years ago, Mayson seemed a bit down for a while. They were best friends, for sure. Now?!? He's a happy and spoiled canine-family-member! It's as if he knows that he's king of the home! L O L! Joe - No fun not sleeping well. Hope that sore throat doesn't get worse. Hope work is kind to you! Well. . . I did NOT get Called-In! Yea!!! Got some good sleep. This all means that Amy and I can leave earlier to go to NYC and enjoy the next couple of days there! (YEA!!!) Happy Birthday to me! L O L! Nothing much else to say. I plan on sharing some photos when we return. Oh yes. . . Saturday! Amy got us tickets to see Pat Metheny for that evening!! (Yea again!!!) I return to work Tuesday, next week. Gotta feed the dog and begin the day. Hope all have a pleasant day today! Ted
  7. Good Morning! Recently rolled out of bed, fed the dog and drank First Coffee. It's currently 7:29 AM (EST), and I have about 1/2 hour to do the "Three S's" before heading out to church. One-half hour is a lot of time, so I thought I'd start today's Daily Diary. L O L! Hope everyone is peacefully catching their ZZZZZZs. Had a restful day, yesterday. Didn't go anywhere. That 4+ inches of snow on the ground was very uninviting to go outside. A good portion of that snow has already melted. Hopefully our 2+ mile-long private dirt road ain't one long rut. (I'll find out in a little bit.) I realized that I haven't shaved all week long. Besides my mustache, I'm actually growing hair on my face and chin!! I never grew a beard before. Amy asked if I was going to grow a beard. I'm not sure, to be honest. Right now, my face looks scraggily. I think while doing one "S" (shower), I'll decided whether or not to do another "S" (shave). Oh dear. . . First Coffee working. . . That third "S" is saying "hello". . . See you all later. Off to get ready for church. Peace! Ted Edited to Add: I shaved. Looked in the mirror and saw that usual small patch of skin on my right cheek (of my face) where no hair likes to grow. THAT is the major reason why I don't sport a beard. Just bringing you all up-to-date on life, the universe and everything! Off to church, now!
  8. Ted

    Saturday March 23, 2018

    Joe - Good that you went furry bowling yesterday evening. If/when a photo was take, please share!!! Hope the whole job situation works in your favor. Lil Nel - Seems like work was not-fun, last night. Weeping IV sites can cause much anxiety, especially if the patient is a hard stick and/or the patient is neurotic. Ugh! Just chillin' here. I look out the window and just shake my head. The snow is NOT a pretty sight. Still, hope it melts SLOOOOOWLY! We've been having major problems with the 2+ mile dirt road which is a major part of our 32+ member (with 32+ property owners and 32+ homes) HOA community. I can't even imagine what this road will look like should all of this snow melt in a short amount of time. Ugh! Where, on earth, is spring?!? Blech! Oh well. . . Al this talk about food has made me hungry! L O L! Hope everyone's weekend is restful and/or uneventful.
  9. Ted

    Friday March 22 2019

    Good Afternoon! Been sequestered in my studio these past couple of days. Finally finished that composition that I started last month. It ain't necessarily brilliant. But, it was helpful. Of course it's dedicated to my father. His death didn't necessarily compel me to write this piece. However, the process involved in composing and sequencing (recording) this instrumental helped bring back precious memories of my father. Beside doing the actual composing, I've been sitting in my studio thinking. . . reflecting. . . mourning. . . missing. . . loving. This original composition may not be the most brilliant piece ever written, but it's from the (somewhat self-absorbed) heart. Think I'm going to take a shower now. It's been a couple of days! Much affection to you all. . .
  10. Ted

    Thursday March 21 2019

    Good Afternoon - Just chillin'. . . I'm on Bereavement time, which is nice and much-needed. Yesterday and today was all about contacting family, friends and churches with regards to the funeral arrangements (date, time & place, etc.). Just re-connected with one cousin whom I haven't talked to in decades. She's older than me and, apparently, took care of me when I was a baby. (It was weird typing that, by the way! L O L!) It was a great conversation. We spent close to 1 1/2 hours talking and catching each other up on life, the universe and everything. My plans for the rest of the day is to work on, and hopefully finish, this one instrumental composition that I started last month. Otherwise, I fluctuate between being sad to being numb. I'll be back later to read and respond to posts. Thank you for allowing me to vent, and write, and process thoughts and feelings. Peace to you all. . . Ted
  11. Good Morning - As you know now, my Dad passed away Tuesday, yesterday, at around 12:40 AM. Dad passed away knowing he was well-loved. Dad passed away knowing that he would be with His Loving Maker in Heaven, a soul-felt belief that he preached throughout his service as an Episcopal Priest. I read your Daily Diary Posts from Tuesday (yesterday), and all of the posts written on Facebook. I read all of the posts. It did comfort. As I shared here recently, I believe that the aging process was cruel to Dad. At least in my mind, that cruelty seemed to extend into his final days of on this Earth. That "Death Rattle" and labored breathing went on for days! I know that most of us have watched this throughout our nursing life. I've never grown used to that sound of the "Death Rattle". Following Hospice instructions, we gave the prescribed dose of morphine and Ativan. The medications seemed to help ease the labored breathing, but that sound persisted. I was with Dad when he drew his last breath. With the exception of Linda and myself, the family had left to go to the hotel(s) and catch some sleep. Dad's loving wife, Linda, sang their favorite country song to Dad. It was a love song, of course, and Linda held Dad and kissed Dad while she sang that song. Dad's wife then went to their bedroom to try to catch a few ZZZZZs. After she left, I went to Dad and kneeled beside him so that I can softly whisper into his ear. By this time, that "Rattle" seemed to be at full-volume. (It was a sound that will reverberate in my head for a very long time.) Leaning into Dad's ear, and while stroking his forehead, I very slowly and very clearly recited the Lord's Prayer. I knew that this prayer was recited to Dad many, many times throughout these past days. Priests and a Bishop recited this prayer. Dad heard other family members recited this prayer to him. But it was his son that whispered one of Dad's favorite prayers into his ear. When I finished the Lord's Prayer, I then whispered several times to Dad that God Loved him. I whispered several times to Dad that I loved him. Then, no longer than two minutes later, that "Rattle" stopped. Oddly enough, Dad was still breathing. Dad's eyes were wide opened after being closed for hours, he seemed to mouth a couple of words, Peace replaced the struggle on his face, and Dad drew his last breath. Now. . . I had NO idea that Dad would pass away almost immediately after I recited the Lord's Prayer. I have to believe that it took hearing his son reciting that prayer for him to finally "let go". I do not know if there is an all-powerful, all-knowing deity that exists in this universe. But, if there is, that God received a Faithful Servant. I did not want to be there as Dad drew his last breath. In fact, my plan was to go to the hotel with Amy and try to catch some ZZZZZs. But "instinct" told me to stay. Reluctantly, but willingly, I stayed. And, I followed that "instinct" to the point of whispering words of Faith and Love. That was all that I did. Gosh, Dad will be missed. . . I thank you all for being kind, and for reading these words. Dad's funeral is Monday. In the meanwhile, I leave you this video that I made for Dad and Linda which showcased Dad's 80th Birthday Party that took place in 2013. It was a rare but well-remembered Big Family Get-together.
  12. Ted

    Saturday 3/16

    Good Morning - Lil Nel - Glad to read that work wasn't bad. Hope you have a restful sleep. Joe - It's very cool that you have what seems to be a fair number of job interviews. Hopefully, this translates into job choices and ultimately a job that works best for you. Regarding your nephew, I hope he continues on with his theater pursuits. At the very least, theater production and performance makes for a really nice hobby. Enjoy watching "The Lion King". BCgradnurse - We had lovely weather, too, yesterday with temperatures well into the 60s. Today, the temperature is cool, now in the 40s. But, at least it ain't freezing. Enjoy getting your hair all prettied up. (I got my haircut just a couple of days ago. The last time I got a haircut was back in October. My wife and my co-workers all commented about the shorter hair. Apparently, my hair was getting too long and scraggily-looking! L O L!) Well. . . I recently got a phone call asking if I can be a Shift Director tonight. The night Shift Director called in sick, apparently. (Realize that I am already working for this particular Shift Director tomorrow night so that she can enjoy a birthday party planned for her tomorrow!) Reluctantly, I said, "Yes". There are not many of us Per Diem Shift Directors. One had already declined to work tonight, apparently. So, yes. (Whine, whine.) One way to look at it is that I'll be making a good amount of $$$$. This WILL be overtime this week. Also, tomorrow night, when I work as Shift Director, will also be overtime!! (Tweety! You are my role-model to when it comes to working extra hours! L O L!) Nothing much else to share. I've been up, since around 5:00 AM, working on music. I already drank two cups of coffee, not knowing that I'll be working tonight. (Ugh!) Oh well. Think I'll go for a walk while the sun is up. The walk might tire me out so that I can catch a few ZZZZZs before going to work tonight. Tomorrow, being Sunday, will be busy with the usual church-related endeavors, as well as with working that extra shift tomorrow night. Peace. . . Ted
  13. Ted

    Friday March 15 2019

    I haven't heard this tune in a long time. Love a Taste of Honey. (Pun intended.) Huge Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass fan, too!
  14. Ted

    Friday March 15 2019

    Good Afternoon! Joe - It must be an exciting yet nerve-wracking time to have these job interviews. After the interviews, enjoy your time with J! Curious. What part is your nephew playing in "The Lion King"? Very cool! Lil Nel - Sad to read that one of the good techs got fired. Gosh, I've inadvertently fallen asleep, with hands on the computer keyboard, while charting. There are a few computer-based nursing notes that have about 2 minutes of "JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ" found within them. It is unintended. It's embarrassing. But, it happens. (It ain't just me that has done this, too. . . ) It's when employees make "nests" that administration should take notice. dianah - Wow! Seems like you had a busy day at work, and out of work. Glad to read that the "swanky dinner" was yummy! (I love the word, "Swanky"! L O L!) herring_RN - We had our taxes done around early February. We're going to wait until the last possible minute to pay what we owe, though. Regarding mowing. We've been having warm weather. The snow has all melted, leaving the grass bare. I didn't get the opportunity to mow the lawn one last time, last fall. Mowing it this spring will take a lot of effort. Ugh! Recently woke up. Work was a steady-busy last night. Last night, starting around midnight, our entire healthcare system was on "Downtime" as the IT guys made upgrades and updates to the Meditec system. This means no computer-based ANYTHING (MD orders, labs, charting, etc., etc.). "Downtime" throws us back to paper-based EVERYTYING. It is painful when our healthcare system goes into "Downtime". Last night was no exception. Because we had only one patient in our teeny-tiny ICU, I floated down to the E.R. "Downtime" in the E.R., with "paperwork everything" was exceptionally painful for me. (Whine! Whine!) The backup paperwork that is provided during "Downtime" is very, very convoluted, to say the least. We (I) got through it, though. By around 0330, the last E.R. patient left, and the E.R. remained "Q" for the rest of the shift. At around 0530, the night Shift Director was feeling ill and asked if I would cover for her for the remaining shift. Of course I would! And, I did!! She left, and employees called in sick. (Ugh!) Spent the remainder of the shift looking for coverage, which can be quite the challenge. All was well, though, when I "handed the keys" to the on-coming Flow Coordinator (which is the day-shift's name for "Shift Director") at 0700. (Someday, I'll explain the difference between "Flow Coordinator" and "Shift Director". There is a difference, and there ain't. It's a convoluted explanation, to say the least.) (Healthcare can be, and IS, very convoluted.) (I wish healthcare was "Swanky", but it ain't. L O L!) After drinking First Coffee, I'm still groggy. After I'm done typing here, I'm going for Second Coffee. In the meanwhile, I think I'm going to relax at home, today, and visit Dad tomorrow when I'm more rested. Peace, folks. . . Ted
  15. Good Morning! It's a quiet 5:00 AM (EST) in this part of the world. It's a nice and quiet time to pay bills, which I just finished doing. L O L! Had a restful day off from work, Wednesday. Amy and I spent a quiet day together at home. Amy received the final itinerary for our Ireland/Scotland trip that we're taking next month. She enquired about how this Brexit situation might effect our trip. The travel agent (who lives in Ireland) said that the worst that could happen is that we might wait in line a bit longer, at their checkpoint, when flying from country of Ireland (which remains in the EU) to Scotland (which is part of Great Britain). This, we can handle. Amy made a delicious gluten-free pizza for dinner, yesterday. Went to bed early to catch up on some sleep. However, I've been up since around 3:00 AM this morning. I'm told that Dad is comfortable. I'm going to visit Dad either Friday (tomorrow) afternoon or Saturday. I'm working tonight. I understand that there are no patients in our teeny-tiny ICU. If the ICU remains this way for today, I hope to be given the opportunity to be "On Call" for tonight. (I'm next in line to be offered On Call.) At the very least, being On Call will offer some extra rest for today. If On Call, and do NOT get Called In, then I can leave earlier to go and visit Dad Friday. Work, Tuesday, was somewhat "Q". We only had one patient in our teeny-tiny ICU. I was a Preceptor for the Orientee who provided care for our one patient. It was a very surreal situation, actually. The patient was a DNR/DNI with plans on going home to Hospice the next day (Wednesday), actually. This patient had two daughters who were traveling up to see their Mom, Wednesday, and take her home and be with her for her final days on this Earth. The goal for Tuesday night was to keep Mom alive and comfortable so that this can all take place. The only medical intervention that the two daughters wanted was gentle hydration to manage blood pressure and antibiotics. Nothing else. The DNR/DNI was to remain intact, and no heroic interventions were to take place including the use of vasopressures should the BP start to tank. So, basically, this individual was really NOT an ICU/CCU candidate who remained as our ICU/CCU patient. (For the record, this scenario happens rather frequently in our teeny-tiny hospital.) Well, wishful plans are one thing, and reality is another. Of course, Mom was kept comfortable. But the alive part of the plans?!?! The body is going to do what the body is going to do. At around 5:30 AM, it became apparent that a "transition" took place. The Hospitalist was aware of the vital sign changes and no additional interventions were ordered. At around 6:45 AM, 15 minutes before the END of our shift, no pulse was felt and the breathing stopped. She passed away peacefully, with the orientee and me at her bedside giving her gentle reassurance. But those "plans"?!?!? They were just "plans". Surrealness at its best. Well. . . I think I'll go back to bed and try to catch some more ZZZZs. I hope all is well. I'll try to come back later today to read your posts. You are all good people and I am grateful that you're here, reading and writing and understanding. Peace! Ted
  16. Ted

    Tuesday March 12, 2019

    Good Morning - Recently got home from work. Partway home I had to stop and take a nap. It was either nap or drive into oncoming traffic. I was very tired. And, I often do stop to take naps during my 40 minute/27.8 mile commute home. Getting ready for First Sleep. Will go to bed after I'm done typing here. Working tonight. Off Wednesday. Working Thursday. Off Friday and Saturday. Tweety - I take time off from the internet, too. I just don't do it deliberately. I'll just go to the computer, start to "surf", then decide not to "surf" and wander away from the computer. L O L! Joe - Glad work was OK for you, yesterday. Hope it's kind to you today. I wish you well with the job search. (I believe that you're thinking about looking for another job.) Lil Nel - I see you "down there". You probably already posted before me. Hope all is well. nursej22 - I see you "down there", too. Hope all is well. Well. . . On to bed for First Sleep. I'm trying not to get too deep into a "funk". For good for for bad, work is a nice distraction from personal life. Quiet moments involve thoughts of Dad, how he was before he became debilitated and how he is now. All I can say is that the aging process is being cruel to him. He does not deserve it. I hope he makes his "heavenly ascent to his Maker" sooner than later. (Need to snap out of the "funk".) Peace, folks. . . Ted
  17. Good Morning! It's hard to believe that the month of March is almost half-way over already. Time is flying by. Just finished four days off from work. Spent the first two days with Dad. Dad, who is back in Hospice, is "hanging on". He maintains a fairly healthy appetite. As shared last time, it is so sad to see him deteriorate. Although he remains the gentle soul that he is, Dad has his moments of total confusion and angry frustration. This happened when I tried to gently reposition him in bed. We've done this routine many times before. But, for some reason, it bothered him one time, which took me by surprise. I just let him be, and tried not to exacerbate his frustration by fussing over him (working against his will). A couple of hours later, he seemed more relaxed and back to his usual gentle self. Although his speech remains slurred as he tries to communicate, his sense of humor remains intact as evidenced by his bright smile and playful chuckles. It is exhausting, though. I don't know how "L" does it. She reiterated that she will not send him to a nursing home. She'd rather have her husband be with her. I told "L" that I support whatever decision she makes. Hospice is helpful, but the hours of service that they provide each week is minimal. "L" also has other help as well, which is good. But Dad needs a good amount of care and support. The other two days of the weekend were spent with Amy, at home, unwinding. Sunday morning, of course, was spent at church. It was a welcomed distraction working with the choir as they learned a new anthem. Hopefully they'll be ready to share it to the congregation this coming Sunday. Sunday afternoon, Amy and I watched the movie, "Bohemian Rhapsody". We're both fans of the rock-group, Queen. Freddie Mercury was one talented individual! It was quite a loss when he died! We enjoyed the movie and hearing some favorite tunes by Queen again. I'm working these next two days, off Wednesday, working Thursday, then I'm off Friday and Saturday. I picked up Sunday night, working extra hours as a Shift Director. I plan of visiting Dad, for a least a few hours, during one of these days off from work. I hope all are doing well. Hope all have a pleasant day today. . . Ted
  18. Good Morning - Just wanting to touch bases with you all before another day passes by. . . Life has been surreal. Not bad. Not good. Just surreal. I spent time with Dad last week. He's definitely weak in body and mind. The expressive aphasia, from the recent TIAs, is really hard for me to see. (It's hard for all of us to see.) But his spirits are "good". His precious sense of humor remains intact, which is really both adorable and fascinating. He laughter and bright smile warms the heart! On rare occasions he "blurts" out a sentence or two that is easily understandable. This seems to happen when his verbal response is spontaneous, which is often a response to a silly joke that I made. When his thoughts are less "spontaneous" is when the aphasia seems to kick in. My sister and brother-in-law spent this past week-end with Dad, which was nice. (I had to work this past week-end.) Obviously, seeing Dad de-conditioned (and bed-bound) from the TIAs is painful for my sister (as it is for me). Although we're both "angry" in seeing Dad in this state, my sister's anger is focused more towards "L", Dad's wife. A lot of my sister's current anger seems to be a continuation of the old anger and frustration that she has towards "L". Although I share much of my sister's frustration in past decisions made by "L" towards my father and his health, I like to believe that I pretty much let those frustrations go. I like to believe that I hold a "that was then, this is now" philosophy (or outlook) to the relationship between Dad and "L". Let's face it. The "This is Now" reality is way beyond anyone's control and/or "bad decisions" made toward this situation. Our differing views toward all things surrounding my Dad is what makes life so surreal. "L" is grieving the loss of her husband. My sister grieves her Father's state of health, and continues to hold anger towards a woman who has made poor choices in the past (and possibly in the present) but truly loves her husband. Me??!!?? I just grieve towards Dad's significant decline and painfully SLOW ascent towards his "Maker". Of course I'm angry too!! I'm angry towards a "Deity" that my Father faithfully worshiped as an Episcopal Priest, demonstrating this devotion by providing faithful Pastoral Care towards many, many, many people, in and out of the congregations that he served, for well over 50 years. My Father was (is) the working definition to the words, "Pastoral Ministry". Now? He seems abandoned by his god. To be clear, though, I KNOW that what is happening to my Father is NOT how Life Works. With the perceived good and the perceived bad, I KNOW that Life just Happens. But for now, this is how I focus my anger and profound feelings of helplessness. Dad's humor is really amazing. He seems to "get" the silly jokes and comments that I make. We've always shared a silly sense of humor between the two of us. Actually, my loving sister also shares this silly humor, too. Despite what is happening to his body and mind, my father demonstrates a core personality that is loving, gentle, and appreciative of the "lighter and sillier" things that life has to bring. I worked this past Thursday through Sunday nights. I am off from work tonight. I work Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Then, I'm off for the next four nights during which time I'll be visiting my Father, again, Thursday into Friday. (Saturday and Sunday I plan on spending with my wife.) I hope all is well with everyone. You are all good people. I'll try to be better in participating more faithfully to our "Daily Diary". In the meanwhile, I wish you all Peace. Ted
  19. Good Morning - It's 5:20 AM (EST) in this part of the world. Currently sipping on freshly-brewed coffee. It's First Coffee, making it extra delicious. I can't believe that the Month of February is almost over, already! Time is flying by. . . Today, I'll be going to visit my Dad today and spend the night there, and tend to his needs. He's officially back in Hospice. Been either texting or talking to Dad's wife frequently. (For now on, I'm going to refer to Dad's wife as "L". Referring to her as "Dad's Wife" seems too cold. Although she is, I don't feel comfortable referring to her as my "step-mother". I still refer to Dad's 2nd wife as my "step-mother", which I've been doing for decades. So, out of respect, and a sincere wish to preserve her anonymity, I'm going to refer Dad's 3rd wife as "L", which is the first letter of her first name.) (Now that I made THAT clear. . . ) "L" has been seeking assistance in Dad's care as he remains weak from the TIAs. Hopefully, Hospice will provide additional assistance. She does have people coming over to help out with his care. But, it doesn't seem like enough. When Mom was living with us under Hospice, we had Amy's sister stay with us 24/7, helping Mom with her ADLs. We paid her, of course, and Amy's sister was wonderful!! Unfortunately, Amy's sister has her own health issues, now, and is not capable of providing that level of help again. Finding that 24/7 level of help is a significant challenge. I can't afford to be there and still pay the bills. This is also true for my sister. "L" is determined to have Dad stay at their home during his days (weeks? months?) on Earth. On one hand, this is admirable. It really is! But "L" has her own health issues, too! "L" stands to hurt herself as she tends to Dad's ADLs. To compound things, "L's" own mother, who is well into her 90s, is failing too. It's as if it's a race to Heaven, between Dad and "L's" mother. However, "L" has other siblings who are well-managing their mother's care and comfort. And Dad?!? He's been ready to "go to Heaven" for a while. He's a religious man. Dad is a retired Episcopal Priest. To his comfort, Dad holds deep belief that he'll be with his God. Long ago, he's shared this to me. Dad has shared this to me just a few months ago as well. Now?!? It's as if he's half-way there already as his mind and body continues to decline. Witnessing Dad's slow decline has been painful, to say the least. Generally, I feel numb with brief moments of sorrow and anger. Feeling mostly "numb" is OK with me, now, especially as I help tend to Dad's physical and emotional needs. Again. However, I can't tend to Dad's spiritual needs. I just can't. My view towards religion as a whole is not a positive one. Hopefully his Priest is helping out with my Father's religious and spiritual needs. Unfortunately, his Priest has NOT been as supportive as he can be. His visits to Dad have been anemic. As a Priest, Dad's strength was his Pastoral Service. His congregation loved him for that! I admire and love him for that!! But with the situation twisted and turned, such Pastoral Service has been anemic for my Father. (I am venting, now.) Apologies for the venting. It's just a crazy time. I know I'm not alone with such an experience. We all have gone, or will go through this experience. Parents and other Loved Ones age. We age. Life, Health and Death?!? It's the reality of our existence. It just majorly sucks sometimes. Our existence can and does bring Great Joy too! This is equally true. But for me?!? Now?!? Sorrow and anger, and scared. And, Love. Gosh, I Love my Father. He's a good and gentle man. I do make sure that Dad KNOWS how Loved and Cherished he is to me. I'm going to catch a few more ZZZZs now. It's going to be a busy day today.
  20. Ted

    Monday February 25 2019

    Good Morning - This is another quick but warm "hello". Please forgive me. Work has been relatively "Q". Sunday, was a day of very little sleep because of church. Didn't hit the pillow until around 1:30 PM, yesterday, and got up to go to work around 4:30 PM (couldn't go back to sleep). Working again tonight. Hope it's "Q". Wednesday, I go for a sleep over at Dad's place. It's the first sleep over that I've done in about 1/2 year. It's difficult to tell how he's doing, overall. His wife said that he's weaker, though, with a weaning appetite. I'll know how he's doing when I see him. I really hope that he simply "goes peacefully in his sleep". This is a sad, sad time. . . . Going back to bed to catch more ZZZZZs. Wow, it's windy outside! I just came back indoors after getting a small fallen dead tree moved from the middle of my driveway. I also picked up our garbage cans that have been blown over. We're getting nearly 50+ MPH gusts of winds. I'm grateful that it ain't hurricane-level winds. Still, these relatively "slow" gusts of winds can be a pain in the butt. Hope all are well. . . comfortable. . . safe. . . Peace. . . Ted
  21. Ted

    Friday February 22 2019

    Good Morning - Just got home from work. Last night I played Role-r Roulette. Started out as Mr. Shift Director. At around 11:00 PM, I played the role of Mr. ICU Nurse Floating Down to the E.R., then played Mr. ICU Nurse in the ICU (where there was only one patient whose care was provided by the other ICU nurse), then went back to playing the role of Mr. Shift Director. Again. L O L! Throughout the entire time, our teeny-tiny hospital was relatively "Q". The E.R. had just a small trickle of patients coming and going. The one ICU patient slept throughout the entire night. The Maternity Unit had no patients! And the Med/Surg floor?!? They had five patient who all safely slept throughout much of the night. All and all, it was a good night. Today (night)??? I'm off. I have a poo-poo load of projects to finish before I return to work for the week-end, and before I spend some time with Dad next week. Later tonight, Amy and I will have a nice dinner out together and de-wind. It's been a stressful week. Dad is doing OK. He's in relatively good spirits. His appetite seems to have improved. And, hopefully, tomorrow the VNA nurse will assess Dad and see fit to have ordered OT & PT services him as part of a home-care package. Don't know how much stamina he'll recover, though. (I still don't know why Dad's wife hasn't included Hospice to be part of the support team for Dad.) Oh dear! I just fell asleep while typing! L O L! I think I'll catch some ZZZZZs now! L O L! Will try to make it back here, later, and read your posts! Ted
  22. Ted

    Thursday February 21 2019

    Good Afternoon - Just a quick but warm hello to you all. Worked last night. Working tonight. Doing the usual "sleep, eat, work" thing. Also, making plans to spend over-nights with Dad. Talked to him a little while ago. He seems in good spirits. It is obvious that he struggles more to get the words out, though, since these presumed TIAs. Visiting Nurses will be seeing him Saturday, finally. Hopefully PT & OT will follow. It's a slow process to get the supportive care in order, it seems. Don't know why Dad's wife hasn't called Hospice, yet. At least other supportive services are coming into place. Hope all are doing well. Gotta catch some more ZZZZZs. Those ZZZZZs have been hard to catch, though. (Ugh!) Peace. . . Ted
  23. Ted

    Wednesday February 20, 2019

    Lil Nel - I don't know. She is a retired RN. She knows HOW to manage one. Hopefully the home health aides would know how to manage one, though.
  24. Ted

    Wednesday February 20, 2019

    Lil Nel - This situation is a little bit more complicated than what I wrote. My sister is the one who wished my father went to the hospital when the TIAs took place. Although we ALL are on the same page in realizing my father's declining health, and in wanting the palliative level of support (Hospice) as my father declines, my sister was not happy when Dad's wife didn't contact the EMTs to take him to the hospital. In my sister's mind, the hospital might have offered case-management support so that when he was discharged home, proper equipment would be waiting for him (like a hoyer lift to help get him in and out of bed). Hopefully, Dad can get back into Hospice and that Hospice can order these type of special equipment for him. For clarification, Dad's current wife is his third wife. It is my observation that she is very kind to my father as she tends to her husband's needs. I do wish that she made different decisions in the past. I wish that she kept the 24/7 care that we planned for him. Gratefully, she seems to be beefing up the level of support that Dad requires as his health continues to decline. The person that I refer to as my "step-mother" is actually Dad's second wife. We've remained close after their divorce. For good for for bad, I do not feel comfortable calling Dad's third wife my "step-mother". I do the best to support the decisions that she makes, but I'm not necessarily close to her. Besides, she's actually closer to my age than she is to Dad's age! L O L!
  25. Ted

    Wednesday February 20, 2019

    Good Morning - Tweety - Hope work is kind to you. . . By the way, Tweety, today is Wednesday, February 20th, 2019, not "January 29th"! L O L! I sent a request to the administrating team to, hopefully, edit in the correct date. L O L! Recently woke up. . . Drinking First Coffee. . . Got a phone call from my father's wife late last night. Apparently, he's been having some TIAs which has left him weaker (right side more than left) with increased difficulty speaking. Apparently, this all took place during the week-end. Apparently, she did not take him to the hospital when all of this happened, interestingly enough. Needless to say, we had a LONG phone conversation. Dad is a "DNR". That does not mean, "Do Not Treat". But up until about a half year ago, Dad was also under Hospice care for his progressive dementia. In the past, it had been discussed that should anything happen to him at his home, he would not go to the hospital. Dad "graduated" from Hospice because he was too well. And, for the past 6+ months since "graduating" from Hospice, Dad's health has remained relatively the same, except for his slowly-failing mind and body. Despite being "qualified" for increased level of care, Dad's wife will not put him into a nursing home. So, she's been the main care-taker for him for a while. A couple of years ago (I believe that I shared this when this took place), Dad's wife had a mental breakdown. Literally, she was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. My sister and I stayed with Dad at his apartment during most of that time help tend to his needs. There was a hired home-care aide, as well, that helped take care of Dad. Back then, Dad's mental and physical state was weak. Dad and his wife does have some monies saved. He also has a retirement pension that modestly supplements his Social Security income. Armed with this financial information, my sister and I organized 24/7 care for Dad so that he could get the care the he deserves, and so that (at least in our minds) his wife need NOT be the main care-taker. Financially, the 24/7 care could be afforded for several years. It did mean, though, that their savings would be diminished over that time. The 24/7 care was in place when his wife returned from the hospital. Within a week of her being home, she discontinued that 24/7 care. But, she did keep intact a few 8-hour days per week of home health assistance (which was a whole lot better than what existed before my father's wife was hospitalized). By the way, this was not the first or second time that Dad's wife was hospitalized. (But it was the first time she required care and support for apparent suicidal ideation.) Each time she was hospitalized, my sister, sometimes my wife, and I would stay with Dad and help tend to his needs. Now. . . I haven't been the greatest son in the world. During the past several months, I've visited Dad about 3 times. He and his wife live a little more than an hour's drive away. It's not a huge distance to travel. I've just been involved with my own life. And, being the type of personality that I am, I've been "avoiding" witnessing my father slowly decay. It is painful to see him age so insidiously. He often does not remember who I am when I visit him; he often calls me by his brothers' name(s). THIS bothers me. I own that. I've allowed my very strong feelings of pain and self-pity to pull-back from visiting him. THIS, obviously must change. So. . . I will be scheduling time to be with Dad during my nights off from work. I will be part of his care - again - so that Dad's needs are met, so that he remains safe, and so that he remains relatively comfortable. This, I shared to Dad's wife during last night's phone conversation. Dad's wife has recently increased the level of support that he - and she - needs. There are over-night home health aides that she recently hired for at least three nights. She also has other help, too. We - his wife and I - both hope that Dad is re-eligible for Hospice Care. This, we discussed last night, too. Up until these past couple of days, Dad's appetite has been, well, very strong. He loves to eat, and does it well! But Dad's appetite seems to be waning. This is new for him. Although it's probably too early to tell, it would seem that Dad's time on this Earth is (slowly) coming to an end. As painful as it would be to have a world without Dad, I do wish that he would simply and peacefully "go in his sleep". (I can write paragraphs and paragraphs about this one wish! It is UNFAIR how Dad is experiencing such an insidious aging process!!) Hopefully, Hospice will see fit to officially re-enter Dad into their care-management. At the very least, this will provide both Dad and his wife much-needed support. We are both hopeful. I can go on and on. I know that I am not alone in experiencing a beloved parent deteriorate in body and mind. Anyway. . . Life does go on. It does suck sometimes.
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