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Poi Dog Poi Dog (New Member) New Member

On a downward spiral

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I have just recently gotten out of a long term relationship and I am taking it hard. I have no desire to do anything. ADL's have become hard to do and I have lost my drive to do anything. :crying2: I fear that I may be depressed.

This plain ol' sucks and I just want to curl up in bed and sleep the day away. I have the next 3 days off and all I can think about is how am I going to make it through. I am just a ball of hurt and I want this feeling to go away so the old Poi Dog, who was happy and content can return. I have no more tears to shed and just feel numb.

I have been going to the gym but when I come home the misery and loneliness set in. Like I said, I have zero desire to do anything. I have lost my appetite and just don't care anymore. I have lost the skills to pick myself up and trudge forward. On the sucktastic scale this measures as a 200.

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On the one hand what you're going through is perfectly normal. Who wouldn't be depressed after a loss? It wouldn't have been any kind of real relationship if you didn't grieve it's loss. Been there and done that. Sometimes you just have to sit and walk through it one breath, one step at a time, and remember to show up for life and this includes eating and ADLs. Sometimes something as simple as a long hot or cold shower makes you feel good for a moment.

Give yourself permission to feel bad, give yourself permission to feel good.

All the best.

Edited by Tweety

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What your going through is normal It's separation anxiety. After a long term relationship we go through a trauma stage we shut down and often we think our world has come to an end.

Now is the time to have friends and family around. I'm sorry your relationship ended. You might want to look at it as this. As far as ADL's you shouldn't shut down all the way and like my friend Tweety said sometimes a simple thing will make you feel better.

People come in our life for a reason you don't know how long they will stay. We hope it's forever and when they go it's heartbreaking. In time your heart will mend but the memory of them will remain. it will just hurt a lot less. I wish you luck and once again I'm sorry for your loss... Anthony

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Reduced functioning and drive, loss of appetite, wanting to stay in bed all day - yes, these are symptoms of depression, but the question is, how long have you been in the pits? You say you recently came out of the relationship, so hopefully it hasn't been too long. It's good that you are motivating yourself to go to gym, so please don't let that slide, too. The longer you stay "down there," the more difficult it will get to pull yourself up again.

Get yourself a newspaper and check out the activities advertised; there are always things you can do that get you out of the house and doing something to take your mind off your unhappiness. Browse shops and flea markets - who knows, maybe your new love is waiting there! You're not going to find him/her lying next to you in bed unless you get up and go looking first.

So yes, it is to a degree normal to go through a depressive stage when you've lost someone who is special to you, but it can become abnormal if you let it go on too long, so be on the watch for that.

Oh yes, and to add something to what Anthony said, "If you love something, let it go; if it returns to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

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Your feelings are normal. It is okay to wallow, eat a gallon of ice cream and watch lifetime movie marathons. It is important to remember that: "This to shall pass". You need to get it out of your system in able to move on. Little by little that pain will subside and you will start feeling good again. Spend time with friends and family and surround yourself with your support system. Take a vacation, buy some new clothes, go to the spa--you need to relax, and reflect.

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Thank you so much for caring enough to post and offer advice.

After reading them, I felt motivated to take a shower, wash my hair, and put on some deodorant (:eek:). I am feeling slightly better and am going to check out garage sales and thrift stores...as if I need anymore junk - lol.

I am the queen of pushing down my emotions...we all know that eventually they demand to be let out. I just want to wake up one day and not feel sad and like life is too much to participate in. I am fighting back with whatever energy I can muster.

A broken heart is just horrible. I've been through enough that I should know better than to let it wander out unattended. But at the end of day, there is hope.

Thanks again :redbeathe

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Well, Poi Dog, if misey loves company, we've been there and know that the feeling of emptiness can be all-consuming.

Good for you in taking care of yourself to the best of your abilities!

The pain will decrease, little by little, with periods of exacerbation.

I would recommend reading over these People's Posts as if they were a mantra. There's some really good advice there.

I also want to note your work out thing. Again, good for you! Now, when I am in some kind of deep psyche/emotional pain, I will do some sort of aerobic exercise and think about what is troubling me. The troubling thoughts hurt and cause increased energy (adrenalin?). I work out as hard as I can within the realms of what is physically safe in an endeavor to match the emotional pain I'm experiencing with physical pain. When my physical pain matches my psyche pain, I dwell on that pain and ask myself, "Which hurts more?" When my physical pain is greater than my emotional pain, I start letting off. Maybe it's the endorphin rush, but I experience some emotional relief from this technique.

I guess I should add some sort of safety warning in addition to my technique. So, don't go over doing it, okay?

The very best to you.

Dave

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Thanks Davey Do,

Do you happen to know of a magic pill that will take away the pain? I would pay millions of dollars for it.

:smokin:

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Thank you so much for caring enough to post and offer advice.

After reading them, I felt motivated to take a shower, wash my hair, and put on some deodorant (:eek:). I am feeling slightly better and am going to check out garage sales and thrift stores...as if I need anymore junk - lol.

I am the queen of pushing down my emotions...we all know that eventually they demand to be let out. I just want to wake up one day and not feel sad and like life is too much to participate in. I am fighting back with whatever energy I can muster.

A broken heart is just horrible. I've been through enough that I should know better than to let it wander out unattended. But at the end of day, there is hope.

Thanks again :redbeathe

I've gone thru severe depression many times (I am bipolar) and just want to ask, are you safe? no thoughts of suicide or risky behavior? The end of a relationship is of course very hard and even tho most of us go thru it, you are you, and are unique.

If you are safe, then good. If you aren't, seek appropriate help. We aren't supposed to give medical advice but I will tell you I have needed professional help over the years from medication to hospitalization, to therapy, to intensive day treatment programs. GOOD FRIENDS, and at least one who knows pretty much everything about you, are invaluable! I have had people tell me they don't have the luxury of these things, but when I am that bad off, I don't have the luxury NOT to pursue them. Having a good spiritual practice or community is also essential for me!!! You really should not go thru these things alone (even tho the nature of depression makes us want to isolate - FORCE YOURSELF not to do that entirely!)

Yes definitely keep up the gym. I'd say a trip to Tuscany (seriously, find movies about your favorite things, and I agree, Lifetime movies help you get the feelings out, ha ha!)

Stay in touch, and if you see someone's message that helps, usually people don't mind if you send them a private message to just stay connected to a human (if they do mind they will tell you).

I've found allnurses a great anonymous way to get support and understanding! Please don't just disappear, make sure we hear how you are doing ... ok?

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Thanks Davey Do,

Do you happen to know of a magic pill that will take away the pain? I would pay millions of dollars for it.

:smokin:

Now, you're not inferring that I would push any type of recreational chemicals, would you? Because I never got into that. And I won't do it again.

:cool: Neil

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Now, you're not inferring that I would push any type of recreational chemicals, would you? Because I never got into that. And I won't do it again.

:cool: Neil

No, I did not mean it that way at all. I apologize if it came off that way.

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