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My partners mother is a Dentist and I'm just a nurse

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Ok, so I put the interesting title just to have people read it.

Here's the deal. My guy's Mom is a Dentist. She went to college for about 6 years in Bolivia and became a Dentist there. She has since came to the USA and is not licensed to work here yet. She apparently knows her stuff.

Before I sort of vent, let me say, she is a good person and a good MIL to me...despite her limited English. I don't want to seem like I am trashing her.

So anyway, this is what I am tired of:

When I am tired , she asks what is wrong, and I just tell her nursing school is a lot of work. She sort of looks at me and brushes and off and says " Psh, you only go for 2 years and you are finished". Yes, it's 2 years because it's an extremely accelerated program. I don't know, but I sometimes want to say " Look, it's a bit different because I am not graduating from some 3rd world country that doesn't even require math in order to become a Dentist". Yes, that's right, she didn't have to take math, just science. However, I'm not saying it wasn't a hard major. I respect it.

Another thing. I am taking my guys pulse with the stethoscope. I have done it twice in the last few days. She tells him that "you're not supposed to do it more than once a week".

This is the lady that soaked my severely sprained foot in hot water, and who thinks that teeth are bone. But I dare not argue, she is a "DOCTOR" of Dentistry and demands respect.

Nice woman, I'm just saying, I'm tired of being talked to like I'm ignorant and don't know anything. Some of the best healthcare providers I have EVER had were nurses and NPs, and they were definitely equally as intelligent as ANY doctor I have encountered. I do not discredit doctors. I know they go to college for about twice as long..and perhaps they even learn twice as much. But I'm sort of annoyed that I am being talked to like I am "just a nurse" from someone who graduated from a 6-year dental school in South America.

Is this one of those things I just leave alone and suck it up and take? There have been many times she was blatantly wrong, but she goes out of her way to say these things. It's not like I ask. I don't want to tell her she is wrong, but I'm tired of her making me feel like I am stupid. I don't even think that's her goal...but I mean, as humans, I would like to think we can hold onto some form of dignity.

Then her kids, including my bf, say " Well Mom is a DOCTOR, she knows everything". AGH. So I got annoyed with my guy today and said, " She graduated from a dental school in Ecuador that focuses on teeth, I'm in an American school for Registered Nursing, and I focus on everything."

:imbar

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She sounds like the kind of person that will always have something to say and know what's best no matter what. There's nothing you can do about it. You don't want to make waves and have her become a thorny issue between you and your man.

Pick your battles wisely in life, this isn't one of them. When she says something ridiculous just smile and nod your head. Yeah, easier said than done.

If you think she's bad now, wait to you have her grandchild.

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I just wanted to tell you that we have all been there. I was recently told by an older woman that the reason why nurses nowadays have so many back injuries is that they don't do any heavy pysical labor like the older nurses did. Mind you I am in my early 40's. Whenever I encounter someone like that I always think of my two favorite quotes. The first one is "The one that angers you is the one that controls you". And wise words from Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". One last thought, if a four year old would keep on telling you that 2+2= 100, would it bother you? Of course not. Let it go, life is too short!

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Ignore her. People that are so interested in proving how smart they are and taking others down are insecure with themselves and unhappy. She is looking for constant validation and she isn't with your time and energy. I wouldn't even respond when she is wrong. Not worth it.

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It looks like both of you (you and your future mother in law) have some ego issues...she think she is better because she is a doctor and you think you are better because you are an American.

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:icon_hug: I am sorry. Although I cannot fully relate to your situation, my grandmother is one of those people that are always criticizing everyone around them. She always tells me to cut my hair, and when I do, it is too short. She tells me I need to lose weight, and then tries to feed me more because I don't eat enough. She tells me to put on makeup, but does not like how I do it. I am definately not raising my son properly no matter what I do. Well, you get the picture. I don't even know if she realizes what she does. Part of me wants to tell you that putting up with it is part of what being family is, but at the same time, there is something to be said for respectfully sticking up for yourself. I don't think I would say to her any of the things that you put in your post- save those for when you are venting. :D You could either try a sincere approach, or the next time she says something you could take a deep sigh and reply, "Wow. Are you always this friendly and sympathetic?" Your choice. But good luck with her- and remember that you can't change others, they have to choose to do that themselves.

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How would you handle it if she's a psychiatric patient of yours? Keep the thought to yourself and smile each time.

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Hey :)))

I totally hear you and you're so right. My boyfriends mother can be like that (even though she's a home health aide, which is fine...) but she acts like she knows it all and that i'm wrong about everything. Oh, and she wasn't born in this country either. Im not trying to say anything rude, but yeah, some people can get out of hand and it can be very hurtful. I would say something. After a while, getting dumped on gets to be too much and you deserve to feel good about yourself and your profession (personally, i think being an rn is more respectable than being a dentist) but besides that, we all deserve to be acknowledged. I wouldn't get all angry, but i would confront her. You're a human being that's working hard to be something great. Don't let her take that away from you. From the way it sounds, seems like she needs to toot her own horn because maybe she's not feelin herself so much.

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This has the potential to be a long, long uncomfortable experience for you unless you either decide the guy isn't worth it, or you can seriously put your injured ego aside so as not to be continually irritated. You know that you will not ever change her behavior...and unless YOU can let go...this is a recipe for a miserable long term relationship. Please do not underestimate how large an impact this can have on your relationship with her son. It would be wise to examine your relationships with these two people very closely before you make long term commitments.

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Lol, thanks everyone. That's what I do. I mean, I am not the one that battles with her to begin with. She hears me saying something and then tries to talk to me and in front of everyone, with her dental expertise, and explain how I am wrong. I mean seriously..you cannot even argue with her about a sprain NOT going into hot water.

I guess I better just smile like you all said. Again, I don't want to make her out to be terrible, but it's kind of annoying. And I think kids will be different, because then I will be open to saying whatever I want..lol I think.

PS. I don't think that I am better than her because I am American. But sometimes when she is rambling on about things that are SO blatantly wrong, and she says that South Americans are educated because their schooling is more intense down there, it makes me WANT to think that. Yep, I admit it. Oh well lol.

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i can tell you from personal experience, that getting along w/your mil makes for a much smoother marriage.

no man ever wants to have to choose betw his mom or his wife.

IF he chose you, he'd end up resenting you.

just grin and bear it, will you please?

leslie

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