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JB2007 JB2007 (New Member) New Member

My husband's depression/bipolar is destroying our marriage.

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Have any of you had a husband/wife that has depression/bipolar? My husband has depression, but I am pretty sure it is bipolar. Big family hx of bipolar and he did not tell the doctor about it when he went in for his depression. I really need someone who can share how to cope with all of this right now. I am thinking about a divorce and I really hate the idea. I do not want medical advice just someone who is willing to share. I recently started counseling.

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I'm so sorry you are going through this. My husband has severe depression that went untreated for a long time. It was really hard for both of us, and like you, I considered divorce. It took a long time and several med changes before my husband was stabilized. I often wanted to run away, or just have him disappear. It's totally understandable and normal that you are having negative feelings about him and your marriage. I'm glad you're going to counseling. The best advice I can give is to take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself, go easy on yourself if you have negative feelings, and above all, do not blame yourself for anything that's going on with him. I'll keep good thoughts in mind for you and your family.

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Thanks so much for responding. I think it helps to know that I am not the only one who has thought of running way. Sometimes I am sitting in my car just trying to decide just how far the money that is in the checking account could get me. I wouldn't do that to my children though.

I have been dealing with him like this for 16+ years and I think it has finally just exhausted me to the point that I can not take one more thing. It also does not help that both of my children are teens now and I am seeing how badly their father's condition has affected them. I am just kicking myself for not leaving him or forcing him to get help before this.

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Hi, my husbant have bipolar/manic disorder. I was in the same situation but we have 2 sons so I couldn't live. I try everithing but only madication helped him.Now we are so happy, he sometimes have moments but who doesen't. Be strong make sure he take meds and it will be better. Just make sure he want and take meds. Very important

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I've been where you are...still there sort of. My wife (currently separated) was bipolar and would not stick with treatment.

I abhor divorce, and am someone who will go to extremes to avoid it. But multiple infidelities, irresponsible spending, debts, substance use, theft, and deception (all related to bipolar) take a huge toll on a family.

When the kids got to the point that they couldn't take 'mom' anymore we finally were able to get her to sit down and listen for an evening. She didn't choose to make any real changes...so I'm basically a single parent now..

On the other hand I have some good friends who are married. One of the two is bipolar. She has regularly and faithfully met with and followed the instructions of her psychiatrist. Medication and counseling have worked for her, and you would never know she was bipolar if she didn't discuss it.

Hope your situation works out happily. Happy to listen/talk anytime.

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I have the same situation with the wife. It's seriously awful. One day at a time.

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Thanks to you all for your kind responses. I am just now getting to get back on line. My computer crashed sone after my 1st post.

My husband and I are seeing a therapist now so hopefully things will improve soon. I just wish all of this was not affecting the children in such a negative way. My oldest son is acting out in ways that are not healthy. I have him going in to see a therapist too.

I just wish that all of this would go away.

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My ex boyfriend had bipolar. His medication kept his depression and mood swings under control. Good luck on everything. Hopefully your husband will find the right sources to get regain his marriage.

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First I'd like to say good on you for entering counseling. You were honest about your concerns, and summed things up pretty good for me when you said it has been rough for you for over 16 yrs. I have come to this AN forum for over 4 yrs and have received some of the best and caring advice when I could not obtain it anywhere else. Especially us being nurses. We are supposedly made of steel and can handle just about anything right? It's all different when we come in the garage door and our relations are tearing us apart or completely down. I'm not attempting to armchair psychology you, but it sounds quite positive that your husband may be willing to let 3rd party intervention be beneficial to your marriage. I have been with one man for 15 yrs and have lived with what I am certain (evidence based) is a combo of depression/bipolar behavior from him. And throw in some serious narcissim. I am always hopeful for any couple who can enter counseling, and or a good doctor who can prescribe the best mood stabalizer for an idividual. I have an undergrad degree in psych, and was so pleased to be able to work at a private stand alone psych hospital. So far that has been the most best nursing job I have ever had so far. Here I was working as a psych nurse, living with a man I've known and loved 15 yrs displaying behavior that would get him admitted by a coroner. But, I was not so lucky. We tried entering counseling two separate times and he scared the shoes off both therapists and one had to call a cab for me, made me stay in their office and refused to let me leave in his vehicle with him. Yeah, that bad. What I am eluding to is that if your husband is willing to or accepts support through counseling or a med therapy that is a gift to you, him and your children. I feel your pain, and wish the very best for you and your family.

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I have great respect for my Uncle because he has stayed with his wife for better or worse. About 15 years ago my Aunt started walking backwards barefoot in the snow and talking to trees....not an exaggeration. She eventually got on medication and she is stable, but the medication is so strong that it does have side effects. She simply is not the same person that she was when they got married. She does not talk as much, she is often in a daze, and she has gained at least 100 pounds. Once every couple of years my aunt decides to stop taking her medications, and then it gets really difficult. But my uncle has stayed with her. There is something extremely honorable about a person who stays with their spouse through the worse part of "for better or worse." Those are the people that I respect the most. You have been by your husbands side through much of this already and that is very commendable! I encourage you to stay with him. With that said, only you know the weight of the situation. I can also say as a child of divorced parents, that divorce has all but wrecked my world. Do you have children? Have you told your husband that you love and respect him despite his depression? I am no Dr or therapist, just concerned for you.

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Hi!! I am coming onto this group hoping that someone can help me. I will try and make a long story as short as I possibly can :p. My husband and I will be married three years this July. When I met him I knew he suffered from deppression and of course thought it was because of his then girlfriend. I have a tendancy to think I can fix people so I thought that once he was with me I would make him happy and everything would be wonderful...WRONG!!!!:crying2: We have a beautiful little girl who is two and I have two children from a previous marriage that we see everyother weekend. I guess my husband has struggled with deppression his whole life and thus masked his pain by abusing drugs. As far as I know he has been clean for over a year now, he had done an inpatient rehab and currentlly takes suboxen, though i do sometimes wonder if he is high. Needless to say I am at my wits end...it seems we go round and round in the same circle once every month or so. He becomes moody, withdrawn, can sleep forever (he typically is in bed and asleep by 8pm while i lay there boiling with anger) I have tried and tried to talk to him about how his depression doesn't just effect him but myself and our children as well. It doesn't seem to do me any good though, as when he gets into a state for lack of a better word there is no reaching him. He doesn't work and claims this to be one of his major deppression factors, however he doesn't look either. He stays home and either sleeps the day away or plays video games. Im the one who sends his resume everwhere. I on the other hand work a full time job and am up and down with the baby all night as he is already passed out. He is currentlly seeing a physctrist (i apologize for my spelling) and started off on lexapro 10mg which made a world of diffrence and then was upped to 20 which made him to tired to fuction. He then went onto paxil which didn't seem to help much and is now back on the lexapro 10mg which isn't doing anything either. I have written his doctor about what's going on but that doesn't seem to do any good. I really feel like i can't take it any more....the emotionlessness...for example he did something wrong and simply will not apologize...he doesn't seem to care how much he hurts me. The lack of intamacy, motivation and the fact that he just doesn't participate in anything. He would rather lock himself away in our room and play games or sleep. I really can't take it anymore and when I try to talk to him he becomes so deffensive and angry and his responses are cold and hurtfull. I am going to see a physciatrist myself because this is starting to really effect me to the point that Im not sleeping (mind you i have been sleeping on the couch because i am so disgusted with him that the sound of his constant snoring makes my blood boil) i am making mistakes at work and feel really really hurt and so angry....i almost want to take our daughter and disappear on a weekend when he decides to sleep until 12 just to try and wake him up...but i doubt it will work. I feel like i could leave him tommorow and he wouldn't do a damn thing to fight for me. I really really can't take it no more....someone please help!! I am starting to wonder if i made a huge mistake and would be better off by myself. There is no romance, if we do anything together it's because I schedule it. If i do manage to get through to him, things get better for a few weeks and then go right back to ****. I really don't know what to do....i work all day i dont want to be in bed by 8!! All my friends tell me he isn't going to change and that I should just put all of the energy that is in my anger towards myself and my children. Do I just focus on myself, make myself happy and forget about the man who is masked by this disease?? Do i let this be the time that he really pushes me away?? Will leaving him alone, being withdrawn and distant to him make him wake up or will it put the final nail into the coffin my marriage is already burried in???

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