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My husband has road rage, can anyone relate?

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Hello, I'm an RN in med-surg rehab and I've been an allnurses member for about a year.

Last night my husband and I went out with one of my friends to a sports bar for some drinks. My husband, whom I'll call 'Steve', was the designated driver and didn't have any alcohol. After drinks it was about midnight and we were hungry so we headed to Steak'n'Shake for some food. We were driving in the car I've had since high school that I'm somewhat fond of. On the way there, we were on a dark deserted highway, and someone in a sedan comes up fast behind us and starts following us really close without passing us.

'Steve' slowed down a little so the person would pass us, but they still didn't pass. It wasn't until we were going about 45 mph in a 55 mph zone that the other car put on it's blinker and started to pass us. At this point 'Steve' hit the gas and the car got back behind us and flashed it's brights. 'Steve' break checked the driver then, and I'm was getting scared and asking him to stop. He ignored me and the other car shot around us and got in front. I again tried to talk to him but he shouted at me to shut up so he can deal with this ******* stupid driver. 'Steve' turned on the brights and left them on for about 10 miles until the car exits to get on the interstate. I crossed my arms and ignored him for the rest of the drive to Stake'n'Shake.

This is not the first time I've had issues with him driving agressively, and we've fought about it in the past. He's been alot more mellow lately. The other driver was being a huge jerk, but I don't see how it would have been so terrible to just let the car go around us and be on it's way.

He scared me to the point of being afraid for our safety. And he was driving MY car. I feel like he doesn't respect me or care that I was scared. He isn't in denial about it. He honestly believes wholeheartedly that he did nothing wrong and that this type of driving is the only way to deal with stupid people on the road.

Was I overreacting? Can anyone relate? Has anyone had these issues with their partner, and how did you resolve it? Please help!

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Sounds to me like your hubby has some serious growing up to do, and fast---before he kills someone. Maybe even you.

Obviously we here at AN can't diagnose the problem, but in order to advise you, it would be helpful to know if he has a history of anger issues in addition to being a hot-head behind the wheel. Some men even have depression that manifests itself as anger and aggressive behavior. Some things to think about: Is he doing OK at work? Is he experiencing any particular stressors that could be affecting his disposition? Does he drink, and if so, might he have been resentful about being the designated driver? And since he's done this in the past and ignored your concerns, could there be some foundational problems in the marriage?

Although he sounds like the kind of guy who'd turn up his nose at the idea of therapy, I think you should go, if for no other reason than to get some tools for dealing with him. And if I were you, I would neither allow him to drive my car nor ride with him until he agrees to counseling. I don't know if you have kids, but even if you don't, the people who love you don't deserve to lose you in a car accident---especially one that's totally preventable.

For what it's worth, I used to be pretty bad with the road-rage too, so it's not just a "guy" thing. But I also was an angry person, and it wasn't until I got treatment for an underlying mental health issue that my driving got better (in addition to everything else). I wish you the best of luck......you are going to need it.

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Marla gave you good advice.

I'd certainly not let my husband drive my car and I'd never let him drive with my kids in his car. He'd have to go for some anger management.

It only takes a second and a car crash can happen.

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Backbone is all that is required in this situation. Refuse to ride in any vehicle driven by him until he admits he has a problem and gets anger management therapy. Also refuse to allow your children to be driven by him.

Hard? Yep. Necessary? Yep.

Tell him that he has demonstrated that he'll behave unsafely behind the wheel, knowing full well what he's doing, then deny that it's wrong or a problem. Therefore you can't trust him with anyone else's safety.

Then stick to it. If you're afraid to do this, that says more about your marriage than anything else.

If he injures or kills one of your children, will you be able to live with the guilt that you let him do it in full knowledge of how he behaves? If he injures you seriously, will you ever be able to look at him again? Could you deal with the torture of regret over knowing you allowed yourself to be injured?

I don't understand how a man who says he loves you and promised to cherish you thinks this behavior is okay. Ask him.....is he cherishing you when he drives like that with you in the car? Is he cherishing you when he denies he did anything wrong?

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Yes ^^

Just say no - don't fight about it, don't yell about it. Just stay calm because if you get all hot and bothered, you kinda defeat the purpose of saying no to "road rage".

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