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LongislandRN23 LongislandRN23 (New Member) New Member

Mr. Right or Mr. Right now??

Relations   (4,566 Views 7 Comments)
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Lets share stories of how we met our significant other or how we are looking for them. I was reading an article recently on how 1 out of every 5 relationships start online! What are your thoughts? Is this the way of the future? Is this the beginning of the end of human interaction? What about compulsion of proximity? Can you really find your soul mate on the internet by describing yourself, uploading pictures, and answering questions? Are we not more complex and expressive than a fill in the blank questions?

Should we adapt to this new method or should we spend more time in the public? What about bumping into your future husband/wife at the train station. Or seeing each other across a crowded bar? Blind dates set up by mutual friends or a matchmaker? What happened to love at first sight?

How do you pick through the pack? We notice those with good looks but can someone grow on you. I know for me in my past relationships I saw my boyfriend as much more attractive when I got to know them. Would you date someone without a job? Are you a gold-digger or want to be deep down?

Do we each have a soul mate? Why are so many people getting divorced now a days! Is it until death do you part or until the road gets bumpy? As humans are we naturally monogamous or do we need multiple partners? Share your thoughts thanks!!:)

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I don't know how a feel about a "soul mate". If there is one for me, I haven't found him yet.

I have recently after four years of being single, by my own choice, decided to get myself out there and date again and what's a 50 year old gay man that doesn't like bars or younger guys to do? I do social things like bowling, church, book clubs, volunteer stuff and no luck finding a date that way, so I'm trying online. I've rejected a couple of people that I initally liked but after a few emails could tell I didn't want to meet them.

However, after a few weeks of interacting with a guy online through many emails I find that while we're different, we have a lot of the same ideas and philosphies and I'd like to meet him. I certainly in no way shape or form can identify him as anything more than someone I'd like to meet and then we'll go from there. I've also heard of, mostly teens and younger people that "fall in love" online before they even meet the person. While I can't judge, that's beyond my understanding and I dont' think that kind of thinking is healthy...one needs a real live person to fall in love, in my opinion.

I think these type of experienceS are individualized, and I've heard good and bad things about people's experiences. Perhaps we should be open minded to the experience if real life isn't offering any opportunities. I've read that baby boomers like myself, both gay and straight are a huge market for online dating.

Call me a gold digger, but you have to have a j.o.b. if you wanna be with me. A job, a car, teeth and no smoking and don't be a drunk. :)

I can't speak for the human race, but I'm pretty happy in monogamous relationships, and have had two so far. Both of my relationships took time to develop for romance became hot and heavy. I'm too shy, reserved and have too many walls for fast romance.

Nothing happened to love at first sight....it's as rare as it ever was. Hasn't happened to me yet. :)

Edited by Tweety

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Would I go out with somebody who was unemployed? It depends if he is making an effort to go ahead and look for a job. I think of it this way: I am unable to find a full-time job at the moment, but I'm working more than one per diem or staffing agency jobs just to make ends meet; anything, even if it's not related to my profession. So what would be his excuse of not being able to find one even if it's a minimum wage job?

I had my share of dates, but I still haven't found the "one". I thought I met my soulmate, but after getting to know him more I realized that we weren't compatible with each other. Sometimes I miss having a significant other, especially when I go to events where all you see are mostly couples. However, I feel that I need to change something about myself, before I can share my life with someone. Regarding dating websites, I recently registered into one and I still haven't had the opportunity to connect with somebody in order to give my opinion of whether they work or not. I will keep you posted.

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I was married to Mr. Right. It was love at first sight. We were married for 26 years and he always told people who asked how long "Not long enough". He has been gone for a while now. When I decided to date I wanted a companion. I did not want to always go places alone. I wanted someone to talk to about what I saw and did. I dated a few guys I met on the net. Only 2 were real jerks. I enjoyed time with a couple of others but felt no "spark" and continued to look. They were OK as Mr. Right now but had no chance of long term closeness. I remember reading a really interesting paragraph written by my now SO. He had such a great sense of humor and was not filled with platitudes about walking into the sunset (you get my drift) or bragging about his success. Some of this might be because I am older, but I think there are lots of salesmen types, mostly divorced on these sites. I personally feel I needed a widower not a divorced man. I had a great marriage and did not want to hear about anyone's crummy one. I think it is not unique, I know another couple who met the same way and has similar feelings about widowed people getting together.

Anyway, we met, found we had some similarities, and enough differences to make life enjoyable learning about the others interests. I moved in, we enjoy each other, love has grown. It will never be like the love I had with my DH, it is unique. This love is much more quiet and steadfast(perhaps plodding?) than that of my marriage. Someday we may marry. In our hearts both of us feel married now to each other. We may make it legal, perhaps.

I was fortunate to have a soul mate. When he died, I almost did also. There are good relationships without feeling so connected. After having lost my mate I do not want that again. I never want to hurt that badly again but I was willing to step up to the plate for companionship. Now I have another winner. Not a soul mate, but a wonderful man.

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Ok let me address ( Blind Dates) Does his best Forest Gump.. Mama always said Blind Dates are like a box of chocolates.. You Never Know What Type Of Whack Job Your Going to Get.. That being said Don't fall for the blind date match maker type gig because if something goes wrong you will be upset at your friend.

Now for online... This could work depending if all parties are Honest Yes a Big Word There (Honest) Not hiding Behind your computer or making false promises you know you can't keep. And if you meet bring a friend and leave numbers where you will be just in case some people might seem ok on line and when you meet them they are something or someone else BeCareful.. I have known a few people who are married still today. And on the other hand i have seen many blow up as well.

Bar's... Well you could hook up there but you have to understand why most guys go to clubs and bars. It's to get a hooked up ( Booty Call ) And you might not get a call back or you might get played.

Soul Mates... If you believe in the idea of only one soul mate for each person, you may assume that a partnership of two soul mates should be able to handle challenging times easily. That may not always be the case. Just because you are in tune to one another, each of you are willing to take responsibility for your role in contributing to the conflict, and are both committed to making the marriage a successful one -- your marriage can still fall apart if other essentials such as love, respect, and communication are missing.

And how i met my spouse... Well her parents are friends of the family so we have known each other since we were kids. Now we weren't always together i had other girlfriends and she had other boyfriends but there was always something there and our parents knew it. I can't say her parents liked me and still to this day they are not to fond of me still after 20 yrs. We make it work..

Well i hope this helps in some small way.. Good Luck... Anthony

PS.. Is There Really a MR or Miss Right you need to be the judge of that. No One Else can make that call.

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"What are your thoughts?"

Virtual people are like virtual pets. You don't have do deal with their...ah... excrement. People seem to be attracted to their concept of others and not necessarily the reality of others. To quote Pink Floyd, "Was it love? Or was it the idea of being in love?"

"Is this the way of the future?"

Ease is the wave of the future. Any way that we can separate ourselves from the discomfort of having to deal with the reality of a situation will be pursued.

"Is this the beginning of the end of human interaction?"

Perhaps. It is a trend; a degree of separation from Individuals directly interacting.

"What about compulsion of proximity?Can you really find your soul mate on the internet by describing yourself, uploading pictures, and answering questions?"

I believe my first comment covered this area, in concept vs reality.

"Are we not more complex and expressive than a fill in the blank questions?

Of course we are. And we can be whatever someone is looking for, if we're good enough at manipulating our media.

"Should we adapt to this new method or should we spend more time in the public?"

To each his/her own. There will always be a method to fit each Individual's personality.

"What about bumping into your future husband/wife at the train station. Or seeing each other across a crowded bar?"

Personally, I have a Zen sort of attitude about this, in that, the "best" things that have ever happened to me have found me. It's like Richard Bach said in his book, Illusions: "Every person, all the events of your life, are there because you've drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you."

"Blind dates set up by mutual friends or a matchmaker?"

To quote Doris Day, "Whatever will be, will be."

What happened to love at first sight?

Oh it happens. However, love does not have to fit within the restraints of being eternal; love can be a fleeting feeling, or whatever you make it out to be.

How do you pick through the pack?

My Dad advised me when he took me quail hunting, "Pick out one bird and shoot at it. Don't try to kill the whole flock." However, I did not use this concept in my dating years. I used the "shotgun effect". I figured if I let a lot of Prospects know I was interested, surely I'd "bag" on of 'em. Then, I'd either keep 'em or throw 'em back. (Hmmm! I just made three references to hunting and fishing in association with "courting". I wonder if this makes me a Primal kind of Guy?)

"Would you date someone without a job?"

I need more information as to their age, situation, prospects, etc. Would I date a homeless Bag Lady? Probably not. But I would direct her to appropriate resources in order to meet her needs, if that could be considered a date.

"Are you a gold-digger or want to be deep down?"

Nah... I was raised on country sunshine. I'm happy with the simple things. A Saturady night dance, a bottle of Coke, and the joy that the Bluebird brings. To probably paraphrase a 70's TV commercial.

Do we each have a soul mate?

We each have whatever we want to call it.

Is it until death do you part or until the road gets bumpy?

If I ever get married again, I would like my part of the wedding vow to read, "Or until you greatly inconveniece me." Mostly because I will only be inconvenienced if I have to do something I really don't want to do. I'll be there "in sickness and in health" etc. etc. Just don't expect me to do something which is against my beliefs or Life Stance. That would greatly inconvenience me.

"As humans are we naturally monogamous or do we need multiple partners?"

Gee- hat's a tough one. I've read studies that say Men are genetically predisposed to spread their seed. However, the tenets of many societies enforce the One on One Rule. Some of us are Lap Dogs. Some of us are Tom Cats. So, in essence, I guess my answer is yes. And, no.


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Well, I met the love of my life online last April. Yeah, it's the new thing. It's more practical than meeting someone in a bar, etc. You can feel each other out through emails, then txts, then meet up, and see where it leads. Everyone is always worried about people lying on profiles, but who's to say that the person you meet in a bar is being honest?

I'm 32 years old and had been in several long term relationships. I lived in each one day to day, never really thinking about a "future".

Liz and I are getting married in August.

It's all about meeting the right person, and really, it doesn't matter how it happens.

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