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(Mid)Life's Little Indignities

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OK, so lately I've been tottering around on a bad knee that hurts like the dickens and requires me to use an immobilizer that gives me all the grace (and footing) of a novice seaman on his first day aboard ship. I'm also using a cane---a CANE!!---when I have to get around in public, and a wheelchair at work.

To say that this is hard on my middle-aged dignity would be the understatement of the week, although I must say it's also given me a unique perspective on nursing-home residents, since I'm seeing things from THEIR angle now. ;) But when you go to the doctor's office and a frail, 80-something woman can beat you to the door........well, it's humbling indeed.

Then there are experiences like today's. Now, being a rather stubborn sort, I'm still trying to live my usual life until such a time comes that the knee either heals up on its own (unlikely) or gets replaced (much more likely). This includes going to the tanning salon, since Oregon's climate doesn't keep the same calendar that its residents do and is stuck in April mode. But my body, which used to be so reliable in my younger days, isn't in agreement with the rest of me at times, and out-and-out betrays me at others. So this afternoon as I was preparing for my twelve minutes of serenity, I'd just lowered myself ever so carefully into the tanning bed when a noise--- much like that produced by a bullfrog when it is stepped upon---issued from a part of me that I don't even acknowledge most of the time.

I mean, this sucker was LOUD. And worse, it echoed :eek: There was no way that anyone in the shop could not have heard it, despite the streaming-from-Dubai Lady GaGa music and the whooshing sounds from the beds in use. Then I heard a couple of snickers from outside my room, and that was IT: embarrassed beyond belief, I did what I always do when I'm embarrassed, and promptly broke up, cackling madly as I hurriedly donned my goggles and closed the lid over me.

Now, I don't know about any of you other folks, but laughter tends to make my intestinal thunder WORSE, and I laughed so hard that two more geese flew out. You know how funny things just tend to get funnier the more you think about them? Happened to me.......and it didn't help knowing that there were other people out there listening to this crazy woman cracking up and punctuating the outburst with machine-gun fire!!:lol2:

Luckily, they had all left---even the front-desk gal had been replaced by the afternoon shift---by the time I was done with my tanning session and had gotten myself back together. Ya just gotta love getting older. :rotfl:

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Brilliant post, Viva! Laughing so hard my sides hurt :)

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Brilliant post, Viva! Laughing so hard my sides hurt :)

Ditto, ditto, and ditto !!! OMG, Marla, you a truly such a hoot! :yeah: Loved that post!

Promise me I'll be the first to receive your book... you ARE writing one, yes? :D

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Yeah....well, I'm in the process of writing one. Actually, I'm in the "wanting to be in the process" stage of writing one. It's hard to write a book one-handed, with a tiny black puppy sleeping in the crook of the other arm......;)

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That was funny, and I am sure others were laughing before it was all said and done, too. About 3 weeks ago, my neighbor (a very good friend) lost her mother. To make it all worse, her sister, who is crazy has been causing all kinds of trouble with Mom's finances over the years. My friend has had lots and lots of stress over it.

Two weeks after Mom passes, it is just the finality of settling the estate and Crazy Sister can be ignored more of the time. So my friend is breaking loose! We were sitting at their kitchen table with her daughter, and our husbands were in the family room, watching/sleeping through some horrible movie. My friend started making spitwads and throwing them at her husband....I was cracking up.....He had them caught in his hair and didn't know. In the meantime, Judy would turn down the volume on the TV with her remote, and then Dan would turn it back up on the one he had. Finally he gets up, demanding Judy hand over the remote, and she gives it to me, and I stuff it down the front of my hoodie and zip it up tight! He's a BIG guy and I was seated so there he was, demanding it, and saying he was going to get it whether I gave it over or not. I am pleading "abuse" to no avail, but laughing so hard I was THIS CLOSE to making a puddle on the chair. Bladder Control? right.

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Thanks for sharing this story. I had tears streaming down my face at the thought of those geese!!!!!

I have worked with nurses from countries other than the USA, who have literally lifted a cheek and let one rip right in front of everyone. Their thinking is "everyone does it, why hide it". Cracks me up everytime!!

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