Men Who Fail to Launch into Adulthood

Relations Article   (17,065 Views 61 Comments)
TheCommuter TheCommuter (New Member) New Member

TheCommuter is a CRRN, now a case management RN.

article_pluralized; 315,350 Visitors; 4,706 Posts

A skyrocketing number of young adults, mostly men, are trapped in perpetual stasis and have been failing to launch into adulthood. Does this trend have any long-term implications regarding social issues such as dating, marriage, and family formation? This article is a small window into my personal woes involving the dating game. You are reading page 4 of Men Who Fail to Launch into Adulthood. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

I would assume some of the blame can be placed on the parents. Maybe as a society we should expect more of our children instead of trying to provide for their every want. I have known many people that will take on a second job near Christmas just so they can buy them more "stuff." Many years ago my sister-in-law spent over $1600 on her daughter for her first Christmas. She could not even walk yet! She took on a second job just for her daughter's Christmas expenses. It's no surprise she grew up a spoiled brat. My niece is now in her mid 20's and is still looking for a man to take care of her and her son. Too bad she didn't inherit her mothers work ethic. There is nothing lazy about her mother when it comes to working.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know. On our block grandparents raised their granddaughter. She was between my kids in age. Her mother remarried a man who didn't want to raise another man's child. the father was a career military officer who stayed with his parents on leave. Both parents were mostly just occasional visitors.

The grandmother wore skirts with seams and hem held up with safety pins.

Her granddaughter wore expensive outfits her grandmother bought on Rodeo drive in Beverly Hills. She attended a Beverly Hills private school.

Once her grandmother knocked on our door to "borrow" $5.00 for her lunch money.

Anything she wanted she got.

The neighborhood gossip was about her being a "spoiled brat".

Now an adult that girl is a kind, considerate working woman. Stll beautiful at age 43. Married without kids.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Great article commuter, just a thought does this usually follow across all ethnic demographics?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I could've written this article. I'm a Gen Xer and frankly, I'm perfectly content staying single until I meet a man that's an adult. I will not compete with an X box for quality time. Video games are alright to a certain extent. My grandmother is beside herself because I'm 35, have no children, no man, and.....le gasp.....I'm happy! She doesn't get it. I want a partner, not a man child.

Now if I could find a way to meet said man while working night shift LOL There's something to be said for online dating sites, methinks.

Martina, I can vouch for the fact that losers come in all colors of the rainbow. Stupid transcends all demographics unfortunately =/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I believe we are at a cultural transition point where many, not all, men lack a clear identity related to relationships with women. It's like they know the gender roles of the prior generations are gone, but don't know what their roles are. And there are too many weak women who let them get away with not pulling their weight. So, women like TheCommuter and I will choose to remain single rather than settle for a man-boy.

Edited by Multicollinearity

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I believe we are at a cultural transition point where many, not all, men lack a clear identity related to relationships with women. It's like they know the gender roles of the prior generations are gone, but don't know what their roles are. And there are too many weak women who let them get away with not pulling their weight.
Excellent points.

So, women like TheCommuter and I will choose to remain single rather than settle for a man-boy.
You're preaching to the choir. I have not reached the point of desperation where I would willingly deal with one of these 'failures to launch' just so I can tell people I have a spouse or boyfriend. The headache is not worth it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Great article commuter, just a thought does this usually follow across all ethnic demographics?
I've personally met men from all races and different ethnic backgrounds who are what I'd call 'slackers,' 'losers,' or 'failures to launch.' I simply cannot deal with a man who wants to remain a perpetual child until eternity. There comes a point where it's time to grow up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I've personally met men from all races and different ethnic backgrounds who are what I'd call 'slackers,' 'losers,' or 'failures to launch.' I simply cannot deal with a man who wants to remain a perpetual child until eternity. There comes a point where it's time to grow up.
I have many male friends who are in their early to mid-20's. They seem to be stuck in this bizarre limbo. They haven't finished college (and won't finish, for another several years...given they take only 12 hours a semester), they have no job, they live at home... One of my buddies stays up all night playing StarCraft II and Call of Duty online and sleeps until noon. Then he goes to class for a couple of hours and then repeats the cycle over. He has been in college for almost 5 years, and has another two years before he finishes his BS in Computer Science.

These guys can be great as friends, but I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone I have to babysit.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I believe we are at a cultural transition point where many, not all, men lack a clear identity related to relationships with women. It's like they know the gender roles of the prior generations are gone, but don't know what their roles are. And there are too many weak women who let them get away with not pulling their weight. So, women like TheCommuter and I will choose to remain single rather than settle for a man-boy.
I am right there with you girls.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dated a boy (for lack of a better word) who was in his late 30s. I'll call him Garth.

When I first met Garth he was working as a CNA in a nursing home, living with his aunt, had no car & talked about clubbing. There were so many red flags it was ridiculous (chasing after an 18 year old, everyone told me to stay away). But I chased after him any way.

So as more & more time went by I saw what he was really like. He wanted to party every weekend, never saw his kids (3 kids, 2 different women) & had no aspersions to have a better life. I made a resume for him once, I was amazed at the number of different jobs he held. He he skipped from job to job like it was nothing.

He didn't care about anyone else but himself. It was a terribly toxic relationship & I finally figured out why. When he was locked up for assaulting me, guess who was there to nail him out? His father. Whatever be needed his father would give him. Now at 38-40 years old, Garth should have a career & be able to pay for things in his own. But because his daddy was always there, he didn't have to.

Now I know I can't say much because I'm in my mid-twenties & live with my parent. I have looked at moving out but since I can't work now because I'm pregnant, it is quite difficult. But thankfully my parent is supportive & I have a great husband who can make money, enough to pay the bills we have. I do aspire to move out, get our own place & even continue my education. But right now it's just not a good time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wonder if there are any studies of women in the same position (failure to launch) or failure to keep a job after they get cozy with a husband that does work. Hmmm....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The cat is a good move, the cat is gentle,pet supplies it is hungry, it will find their own food to eat. Cat in the sun

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites