Men Who Fail to Launch into Adulthood

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TheCommuter TheCommuter (New Member) New Member

TheCommuter is a CRRN, now a case management RN.

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A skyrocketing number of young adults, mostly men, are trapped in perpetual stasis and have been failing to launch into adulthood. Does this trend have any long-term implications regarding social issues such as dating, marriage, and family formation? This article is a small window into my personal woes involving the dating game. You are reading page 3 of Men Who Fail to Launch into Adulthood. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

Sometimes I wonder if so much attention has been put into encouraging girls' educational and career development...that boys have been left behind.

Actually, there has been some research into this and it looks like you are right.

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I wonder about that also.

And there are so many examples on TV, in sitcoms and even commercials, where the man in a family is made to look like a complete fool. I wonder if this is a result of the feminist movement: consciously make men look like incompetent tools.

I've noticed this TV trend as well. Raymond of Everybody Loves Raymond is an example. I didn't speculate it to be a result of the feminist movement but rather fear of making fun of women. You can make fun of those on top, in power, but not the "weaker" person (the female). To me, I see it as men being more secure in their positions to be made fun of. Or I could be wrong. This issue probably has multiple aspects, as well.

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I've noticed this TV trend as well. Raymond of Everybody Loves Raymond is an example. I didn't speculate it to be a result of the feminist movement but rather fear of making fun of women. You can make fun of those on top, in power, but not the "weaker" person (the female). To me, I see it as men being more secure in their positions to be made fun of. Or I could be wrong. This issue probably has multiple aspects, as well.

That is a possibility, I suppose. However, what message does it give to young boys who are watching? Unless there is someone also watching who can explain it as you just did, in a way a young, inexperienced mind can grasp. There is negative role modeling depicted, IMO.

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That is a possibility, I suppose. However, what message does it give to young boys who are watching? Unless there is someone also watching who can explain it as you just did, in a way a young, inexperienced mind can grasp. There is negative role modeling depicted, IMO.
This is why it is very important to have a good male role model in the house during a child's upbringing. It could be a father, stepfather, foster father, or any stable man who will nurture a relationship with the child for many years, provide guidance, and help the boy grow emotionally into a man and responsible adult who actually contributes to society.

Unfortunately, many Generation Y boys grew up in households with no male role models due to high divorce rates, single moms never marrying, etc.

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commuter, i applaud your high standards, and there is much truth to what you say.

i do believe that many moms have had a tendency to coddle their sons and push their daughters.

perhaps going to school again, taking any type of acedemic (or not) course, you will meet your match.

so much is done online these days, that interpersonal communication is a lost art.

whatever happens, do not ever lose your sense of self and everything you stand for.

there is definitely someone out there who will identify with your soul, spirit, and mindset.

do not lose hope.

leslie

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HEY! I really resemble you talking about Immature Men!

But, while we're on the subject, do you know how many Mature Men it takes to do the dishes?

Both of them!

Do you know what is the difference between an Immature Man and a Government Bond?

The Government Bond will eventually mature!

What's the difference between an Immature Man and a Pig?

The Pig doesn't turn into an Immature Man when he Drinks!

Do you know what Inexpensive Cars and Immature Men have in common?

They are both Cheap, Easy to Get, and Totally Unreliable!

Do you know what it means when an Immature Man is gasping for breath and calling your name?

It means you didn't hold the pillow done long enough!

Do you know how to stop an Immature Man from biting his nails?

Make him wear shoes!

Do you know how many Immature Men it takes to tile a bathroom?

Only one- but you must slice him very thinly!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Davey (*BURP!*) Do

Edited by Davey Do

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This is why it is very important to have a good male role model in the house during a child's upbringing. It could be a father, stepfather, foster father, or any stable man who will nurture a relationship with the child for many years, provide guidance, and help the boy grow emotionally into a man and responsible adult who actually contributes to society.
how true Commuter. I am thankful that I had two girls who were not into immaturity. However, one SIL is very much into computer games, and it is affecting the oldest child. She likes to play them a lot too, but he does help a lot with the children. The other one is better about it and is a good fatherly example to the family.

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Here's a little demographic background on me. I am a female who was born in the early 1980s and am currently in my early thirties, so my birth year and age would place me at the end of Generation X or the very beginning of Generation Y.

The statistics for the available pool of men in my age range are really discouraging, to put it lightly. According to Associated Press, young men are almost twice as likely as young women to still be living with their parents, and less likely to finish college or have a job (SodaHead, 2011). And it does not stop there! Since 1970, the percentage of people ages 18 to 34 who live at home with their family increased 48%, from 12.5 million to 18.6 million, the Census Bureau says (Jayson, 2006).

Some would say that an entire generation of young men in the U.S. has been failing to launch into adulthood due to factors such as the current state of the economy, lack of living wage jobs, and college degree inflation. However, based on my personal experiences and anecdotal information, I've first noticed this trend of 'childish men' many years prior to the start of the Great Recession.

Tale number one involves a former flame that I will call 'Mickey.' At the time that we started dating, he was 25 years old, divorced, unemployed, unmotivated, lacking ambition, and living with family. I was 20 years old with a full-time non-nursing job at a factory that paid about $40,000 annually. I referred him to the manager of one of my former workplaces and he was quickly hired based on my reference. However, he quit the job within a few months and had no other employment prospects lined up. He attended classes at the local community college with tuition that was fully paid by the GI Bill, but dropped out shortly thereafter. I saw where this was going and decided to stop talking to Mickey altogether.

Tale number two involves a man that I will call 'Grant.' He was the perpetual teenaged boy who appeared trapped in a grown man's body. He was almost 29 years old and was perfectly happy with his protracted adolescence: had never lived anywhere other than his childhood bedroom, worked a part-time minimum wage job at a hobby shop, was not attending school to better himself, approached life as if he was a preteen, and generally had no ambition for anything better in life. After talking in detail to Grant, I was left under the impression that he would have been pleased to live this way until old age. I prodded him about issues surrounding independence and asked him if he would consider college, trade school, the military, and so on. I was an independent, upwardly-striving 23-year-old at the time, and ended up leaving him because he was not what I wanted in a partner.

In my opinion, too many of today's males in the 18 to 35 year-old age group are emotionally, developmentally, and physically living like younger teenagers or preteens. Young adults seemed to mentally mature faster in previous generations. However, many of the members of my generation (Generation Y) are taking longer to mature and stand up on their own feet. I am fiercely independent and cringe when I see how heavily dependent my peers are on their parents for food, shelter, money, and self esteem.

Perhaps my standards are too high for the pool of available men in my age range. Am I asking for too much by looking for a male who has ambition, values independence, and is emotionally mature? Maybe so. However, I will not back out of the uphill battle to find a good man who has actually launched into adulthood.

Rather than trying to figure out what is wrong with the men of your generation you may want to try to figure out why you are attracted to losers. Do you feel the need to find someone that needs to be taken care of, until it gets to be a headache? At one point in my life I would always fid myself with women that needed "saving." Sometimes it was financially, sometimes it was emotionally, and sometimes it was physically. After a few years of this I figured out the problem was not with the women but with me. Today I don't look twice at a woman that is not independent, with a career, not a job but a career. I decided I would prefer to have a partner rather than another dependent.

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Rather than trying to figure out what is wrong with the men of your generation you may want to try to figure out why you are attracted to losers. Do you feel the need to find someone that needs to be taken care of, until it gets to be a headache? At one point in my life I would always fid myself with women that needed "saving." Sometimes it was financially, sometimes it was emotionally, and sometimes it was physically. After a few years of this I figured out the problem was not with the women but with me. Today I don't look twice at a woman that is not independent, with a career, not a job but a career. I decided I would prefer to have a partner rather than another dependent.
As I have said earlier, I am all for honest introspection.

I am currently 31 years old, and the examples in the article involved very short-term things from the distant past. I was 20 years old during my very brief time with example number one and we only went out on three dates before I cut off all contact. I was 23 years old and went out on three dates with example number two before I shut that one down. None of these were long-term relationships where I invested a great deal of time, headache, or heartache.

I am not attracted to losers or failures to launch. However, the 'winners' are few and far between, especially for women in my demographic.

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This is why it is very important to have a good male role model in the house during a child's upbringing. It could be a father, stepfather, foster father, or any stable man who will nurture a relationship with the child for many years, provide guidance, and help the boy grow emotionally into a man and responsible adult who actually contributes to society.

Unfortunately, many Generation Y boys grew up in households with no male role models due to high divorce rates, single moms never marrying, etc.

This is somewhat true, however, it was the reverse for me. I had no male role model because of my parents' divorce during my childhood and adolescence, however, seeing how my mom never re-married and worked incredibly hard for my siblings and I, I decided to take up on myself to becoming the "man of the house." That meant playing video games 1x a week, working full time while attending nursing school, brushing girls aside, paying the bills, and so on.

The same can't really be said for someone who's been "babied" all his life, had things handed to him, and never had a good male role model. And I see that alot with guys in my generation. It's a growing trend now that women of today are becoming the breadwinners while the traditional man is slouching in the couch and watching TV. I can definitely attest to that because many of my buds fell into the hole of laziness. I'm not surprised alot of Generation Y gals want the big boys - the older men who have a stable career, want to settle down, and are responsible. I don't blame them.

However, don't give up. Maybe attend school or social events for professionals where you can potentially find your match. There are a few Generation Y boys out there who are quite mature, work hard, and know what they want in life. They're out there, you just got to look harder. ;)

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I've known a 70 something man all my life because our parents were friends. His sisters are my friends.

To his mother he could do no wrong. His IQ tests qualified him for MENSA. He did well in school. But he was a "know it all" and unaware of other people's feelings.

He lived at home while in college and never worked at all until he was 32. He had a bachelors, two masters, and one doctorate degree at that time. he worked as an usher at a movie theater.

His one year younger was a physician by this time. His special needs many years younger sister with orthopedic and speech disabilities was working full time at a hospital.

Once he came with his family to my childs birthday party. I noticed him taking a lot of pictures. When I looked for my camera to photograph the cake and candle blowing he had it. He had used up all the film.

This man never married. he had many first dates. Rarely he would have a girlfriend for nearly a year.

he live with his parents working part time until his mother died (Dad had died first).

He inherited the house and all they had. His mother always said, "It's harder for boys."

Now he has sold the house and bought another. He goes to movies. He mostly is at the computer. He does play video games.

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I am thankful I had a hard working father and mother. They were good examples as far as working was concerned. That taught me to be responsible when I needed to be. I raised my children from when they were small, worked hard, set a moral example, and disciplined them when they needed it, although not harshly, and they had chores, and were required to do their homework immediately after they arrived home from school. I explained to them that they would enjoy their playtime much more that way, because they wouldn't have homework on their minds anymore. Today they are both highly educated professionals. Thankfully, it worked, and they never gave me big problems. So in spite of your situation, you can succeed at the goal you set no matter what it is. I am a very happy grandmother of 6 now, and both daughters are married.

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