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May-December romances

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Have you ever been involved in one?

There is a man who has made it known that he wants to be with me - he is 59. I don't know why I am making it an issue *shrugs*

Please share your experiences.

Thank you.

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What is important is do you want to be with him? And as a note, WHAT are the reasons he wants to be with you?

As a native of FL, I am used to every man, married or not, thinking that he "needs" a younger woman and believing wholeheartedly that he has SO much to offer them, and women his own age just don't understand/attract him. Rarely is it a good idea to get involved with them..... In 5 years they will be onto someone else. Then there is the "she's a nurse, she will take care of me", which attracts both the older guys and the disabled ("back problems") men that are "retired", yet fully able to use their Harleys. Also, not a good bet.

If you have examined his (and your motives) and decide that this is a good match, a few caveats.

Think about your goals and his. Where are you both going to be at in 10 to 20 yrs? Will he retire, and you still be working fulltime? If he becomes critically ill, or develops age related issues much earlier than you, can you handle. Are you prepared to handle the "baggage" of his past, emotional and otherwise: kids, spouses, family.

I have 2 friends that married significantly older men. One had children when he was in his mid to late 50s. He is currently 75. I started getting the calls, "he won't wear a hearing aid and is practically deaf", "He forgets MD appts". He recently has had a major set back in health, she is having to raise teens and caregive for him. The other is having to deal with many of the same issues. She develop breast cancer and he was upset that he (as the older spouse) was having to caregive for her.

Both discourage me from dating much older men, though bluntly, I have dated a few and am not really interested. I find too often that they are stuck in the midlife crisis mode or are controlling. But that is just me.

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I agree with CLB. You have to both be on the same page, and you may need to deal with his children,baby mothers and other baggage. I personally can not see myself with a older man that has children- unless the children are grown and out of the house, I am also not interested in man with numerous baby mamas, I don't have time for the drama.

The relationship can work if you two BOTH want the same things a home, babies, etc.

Do you like him enough to want a relationship? Does he like you for you and all you come with, and vice versa. I think age is nothing but a number, I know a 41 yr old man, with no children, very smart, looks 30 yrs old, but doesn't listen to what his partner is saying, so there are both ends of the spectrum. I wish you luck with the choice you make. Take your time, and get to know him.

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He has never been married and does not have any kids - that he knows of ;)

I am in no rush to get into any relationship. I kind of have become comfortable in my singlehood. I am still young at heart and like my freedom...but that's my issue.

Thanks, V & carolady.

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my (very conservative) father married someone 25 yrs his jr.

they've been married since 1984 and have one child together.

very compatible.

i DO have to question why a 59 yo man has never married.

other than that, when i was in my 20's, i dated someone 20 yrs older...

but when he started getting serious, i ran in the other direction.

age differences don't bother me.

whoever i'm with, i want to ensure important commonalities.

leslie

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ah! i thought u meant the other way around.... that he was younger than you ;) (guess that is a whole nother thread) i agree with pp.

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I married him. Two kids and sixteen years later, we're still together. :)

ETA: I'll give a little bit more info to try to help you. We both had the same vision for our future family. He wanted more kids (he already had one) even at an age where most women would start questioning whether or not to have them due to age, as he was 40 when we met.

He had a good job, he had a house, he was/is an excellent father. Really, the biggest issue had to do with culture. He's first generation of an immigrant family, and there were certain expectations of extended family that went with being his gf/wife. However, I always had final say in how much I could handle when it came to his family.

I came from traditional "landed on Plymouth rock" type of American family. Fiercely independent, as adults we went our separate ways, but we were always in touch by phone and supportive of one another. My husband never really understood the physical separation of my family.

Sometimes, that kind of thing caused friction when I needed more room from his family, and he didn't understand why I needed that.

So, I guess it really comes down to expectations in all realms of being together, rather than age.

Edited by dudette10

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Others have already made good points, so I will only throw a quick tidbit in here. My hubby is 13 years older than me, and absolutely my best friend. Considering my upbringing, it's amazing how much of a functional and happy marriage we have; we really enjoy each other.

That said, the only concern I had with our age difference was health worries...I feared that he would have some sort of serious health problem way before me. This scared me, because I can't even think about anything happening to him without crying! Well, as it turned out, we did have the whole cancer thing about a year into marriage (blech) but we got through it. I think it's less about age and more about compatibility (as long as the timing for kids, career stages, retirement, etc. don't bother you tremendously). :)

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Many years ago I once briefly dated a much older man (20 years my senior).

He made it known that should the occassion "arise" it would be my womanly duty to get "it" up, as he had no use for those little erectile pills.

Well Okayyyy, buh-bye then. :)

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My husband was 20 yrs older than me. He died at 55 of lung cancer. I date older men due to their maturity level. Never liked men near my age. Now that I am 55, I have attempted to date closer to my age but have been unsuccessful. NOw I want someone who has adult children, do not want to be "Mommy" again!

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My stepfather is 40+ years older than my mom. They met while both volunteering at a homeless shelter when she was in her 20s, recently divorced and with a preschool age child (me). He was divorced x 2 with two grown daughters and raising a teenager (she elected to live with Dad). 27 years later, they are still together. They just 'fit'. He is independently 'comfortable' (I won't say 'wealthy' since I honestly don't know), in excellent health, and young at heart. Mom is independent and not easily pushed around, but they just work together.

I would say, date the person, not the age. But my experience with big age differences is an overwhelmingly positive one.

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Its all about love and understanding. If you really love him and you believe you can tolerate him so well, why hesitate?

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