Help me, I think I am in love!(and not with my husband)

  1. Okay here is the deal... Everyone who knows me, knows that I am married! I have 4 wonderful kids and I would never do anything to hurt them! But, here is where the problem comes in...I think I am in love with my ex boyfriend. We haven't seen eachother for a couple of years. We talk and email eachother alot and we both still have so much in common and even through our breakup we still remained really close friends. Talking to him is like talking to a best friend. All I can do is think of him! I feel like I am smothering! We are such good friends, and I don't have that with my husband! I am so confused! I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize my kids relationship with their father, but I also can't stop wanting my ex. I stopped calling and emailing for a while in hopes that it would all go away, but it won't! I just want to be happy, but I don't want to hurt the children in the long run! I need advise please!HELP!!!!! -Tara
    Last edit by ucandoit on Jun 22, '03
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    About ucandoit

    Joined: Dec '02; Posts: 279; Likes: 5
    RN Emergency Room


  3. by   live4today
    Hello Tara

    My only advice to you would be to seek professional marriage counseling. I've been there, done that, so this is my only advice...the best advice I can give you or anyone in your situation. I wish you the best. :kiss
  4. by   ucandoit
    Thanks, cheerful, I have tried that too. Notice I said "I have tried that", we have been married for going on 7 yrs., and it was going really well until 2 yrs ago! We tried the counseling and it worked for a little while and then it all went back to normal!
  5. by   ERNurse752
    I've found that when I'm in a serious relationship and start having feelings for someone else, it's often because I'm missing something in the relationship, and I've found it with the new person.

    What has been going on/not going on with your husband?

    What was good about it in the beginning that is no longer good?
  6. by   dosamigos76
    Just a thought, how would you feel if the situation were reversed?
  7. by   SmilingBluEyes
    ****DANGER--DANGER-- DANGER****--- as the "Crocodile Guy" says.

    I would get professional counseling.....MORE of it.....perhaps with a different counselor, before making any life decisions right now. Cause they don't just affect YOU but several others dear to you.

    I would not even attempt to tell you anything else. Good luck is all I can say. I wish you the best.
  8. by   Karina212
    If you have tried everything in your power to make your marriage work, then maybe you just need to be honest with yourself. Your children will know there if there is something not right between the two of you, and they will begin to feel the stress, too. My point is if your marriage isn't working then dragging it out will only make it worse for everyone involved. If you have tried marriage counseling and it didn't help, then maybe you should seek professional help by yourself. Good luck to you.
  9. by   fourbirds4me
    Feeling the 7 year itch..... been there worked through it. If you want your marriage to work think back to the reasons you married him. Were they valid are they still there. I agree with the others.... get more counseling. Then reevaluate...

    Good Luck
  10. by   Nurse Ratched
    Originally posted by nursetl2002
    I have 4 wonderful kids and I would never do anything to hurt them!


    I just want to be happy, but I don't want to hurt the children in the long run!
    Not to go all Dr. Laura on you, but unless there is something seriously wrong in your marriage (i.e. your are being physically or mentally abused) then (in my opinion) you owe it to the four children you and your hubby brought into this world to think about their happiness first. And they will be happiest with two married parents who love each other.

    I agree with those who asked, "What went wrong in the past two years?" What is different? And can you truly say you are trying to fix the marriage when you are sharing your heart with another man? As long as you have this fantasy of the other man on the back burner, you have not truly commited to the relationship with your husband and it is doomed to fail because you have already planned your escape.

    I don't mean to be harsh, but since you asked for advice, and it's before you've done anything to irretrievably trash your marriage, then you need to cut off all contact with this other man and put your full attention back on your family.

    My best to you in your struggle to rebuild your marriage.
  11. by   plumrn
    Agree with Nurse Ratched. Seek counseling again. Stop all contact with your ex. Devote everything to renewing/repairing your relationship with your husband. You (and your children) have so much to lose. You owe it to your children, your husband, and yourself to give it all you've got.
  12. by   passing thru
    Tara, like you said, "I want to be happy."
    "I just want to be happy."
    "I just want to be happy , but I don't want to hurt the the long run."

    (You know they say everything that a person says after the word BUT is a lie.)

    SO, you don't want to hurt the kids in the long run?
    How about the short run?

    You have worked and sacrificed LONG ENOUGH for your spouse and kids.
    I think you deserve to be happy.

    I think you have already decided what you are going to do.

    You are going to get a divorce.

    You just want us to tell you those kids will get over it, and
    they'll adjust.
    They will.

    So, my opinion is, that you should do whatever it takes
    to experience the happiness you are seeking.

    It's about time you were happy. You have waited long enough !

    Good luck.
  13. by   passing thru
    I forgot to ask...
    does honey-boy have a wife?

    is he interested in taking on you and being step-daddy to your 4?

    You said you don't want to do anything to jeopardize your kids relationship with their daddy...........

    So, is the plan to leave your hubby AND the kids?

    That's how it sounds.

    Well, that would make a mom happy for more brats to contend with all day.......long !
  14. by   ucandoit
    Thanks you guys! Thanks for your honesty and your advice! I really think a divorce is where we are heading. Two years ago I caught him in our bed with another woman, while my kids were in the other room. I think I should have left then, but I called myself sticking it out for the family. Now, I am in this situation and all I feel is guilt. No, passing thru, I never plan on leaving my kids! I just don't want them to resent me! I am a child from a divorced home and I am not tainted, but I am still scared to do that to my kids! I really don't have many intimate feelings for my husband and I think he feels the same about me. I don't know how to put it to him, but I just want out. I don't care if that means I will be alone for some time! It is not because of my ex, it is because of me. Maybe you guys are right, maybe I need to seek personal counseling! I think I need to learn how to forgive him before I try to work on this relationship! There is no friendship, no intimacy, no laughs, plenty of cries, plenty of arguing, and plenty of fighting! I am just tired of being this way!-Tara

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