Feeling used - page 2
Ok, it's probably my own fault because I am always doing good deeds for people. Back in early november, one of my sons friends (15 y/o) who is at my house quite often asked if he could stay at my... Read More
Dec 2, '02Occupation: rn Joined: Feb '02; Posts: 693; Likes: 2:chuckle RN2bNC As normal as the rest of us anyway
Dec 2, '02Joined: Sep '01; Posts: 16,606; Likes: 680RN2bNC...(((((hugs)))))) You did good for that boy...real good! Shame on his parents...both bio and step...they should be locked up for the way they treat their children.
I think I would have contacted social services regarding that stepmom's actions towards her responsibilities. And since the father is in the military, you can always contact the boy's chain of command (providing the kid knows who they are). The military has a "no tolerance" rule for negligent parents who are military connected, and his father could have gotten into serious trouble.
Dec 2, '02Joined: Apr '02; Posts: 4,738; Likes: 104I came from a household that co-parented (and still does) a lot of mine and my sisters' friends. The little guy is lucky to have you, and bless you for being so kind. I'm sure he will remember you for a long time as being one of the few adults he could rely on. I would, however have a bit of a talk with the adults who are truly responsible for this kid. Parental abandonment is never acceptable.
Dec 2, '02Occupation: RN Joined: Aug '01; Posts: 2,276; Likes: 42I agree with Renee about social services. I bet this isn't the first time this kid has been left for an "interview." Something is amiss in that household. I am glad for that kid's sake that he had someplace safe to go. I suppose the alternative to this could have been to leave the kid at home alone for the 10 days. I just wonder what gets into some of these parent's freaking heads? Sure, I would love to go to Hawaii for 10 days too, but not at the expense of my children. Hopefully I will have time to do that when the boys are grown. Hawaii will always be there (I hope) but I only have one opportunity to be with and raise my children. I am not going to blow that. :stone
Dec 3, '02Joined: Apr '02; Posts: 1,749; Likes: 3Awww I bet it was one of the kids best holidays ever...
Dec 3, '02Occupation: travel nurse - ob Specialty: OB ; Joined: Jul '01; Posts: 3,171; Likes: 4,505RN2bNC - I'm sure you did the best possible thing for this child! At least at this point he knows there is someone in the world who cares for him - and an excellent example for your kids of how to be a caring human being. I once had 2 young girls (sisters 11 and 13) show up on my doorstep in tears 2 days before Christmas because Mom ( a waste of good air if there ever was) took off to Mexico w/current boyfriend for the holdiays and left them home alone. Their brother was already living at my house because mom threw him out (at 14) because boyfriend didn't get along with him. Of course, there was no way these girls were going anywhere else for the holiday - I waited until after Christmas to contact social services. Brother remained with me until he was 18 and finished high school.
Dec 3, '02Occupation: RN, MS home health Joined: Aug '02; Posts: 7,472; Likes: 50Huh similar things have happened to me just for shorter periods of time. The mother should have called. 20 is not much money either. You were very kind. You should get a thank you.
Dec 3, '02Occupation: Level III NICU Specialty: NICU ; From: US ; Joined: Oct '00; Posts: 1,606; Likes: 930And it makes me wonder... If she knew she was going on a 10 day vacation, why didn't she arrange for him to stay with his mother? If he wants to go there then apparently his mother isn't some terrible deadbeat somewhere. And why was it up to the child to ask if he could stay with YOU? Unless this woman planned an airplane trip at the very last minute, she has known for some time that she was going away. She should've made sure there was somewhere for him to go BEFORE even make travel arrangements. And obviously there is a sister involved too. maybe a 17 year old could've stayed alone if mature but not a 15 year old. Was she thinking she was going to leave them alone together and he just HAPPENED to ask you if he could stay?
Dec 3, '02Occupation: RN Specialty: CV-ICU ; Joined: Oct '00; Posts: 2,343; Likes: 52I have found there are some really stupid self-centered adults posing as parents in this world, and you seem to have found a REAL CHARMER of one.
Thank God that this kid had enough sense to ask you if he could stay with you! i had a friend of my dtr. live with us for almost 10 months back in '99-2000. She was into self mutilation BIG TIME and in and out of psych units numerous times until she came to live with us. Parents were divorced and fighting through the kids-- she was being forced to be the adult and settle their fights all of the time! She had me go with her (at age 16!) to check out how to declare herself an independant adult (or whatever it is called-- I'm falling asleep here) and decided against it at that point. I did blow up at her parents once and told them if they ever fought in front of that girl again, they would have to deal with me. Mind you, I had never even seen the Mom in the 5 yrs. my dtr had known this girl before this, and had only met the Dad once. They never paid me for this; I did it for this girl; and because my dtr. asked me to. Sometimes you just have to do what you've got to do for the sake of the kid. For us it was worth it; she still comes over and sees me; no longer cuts, and is a fairly happy college student working her way through college-- she is getting along with her parents and their new spouses, but she has learned to set limits with her parents. She will always be my "other" dtr. (DH is not quite so sure on that-- he wasn't very involved with the whole mess at that time due to his health back then); and I'm pretty sure that she will continue to drop by unannounced as long as she lives in the area.
I was writing more; but am too tired to make sense. PM me if you'd like; I'm going to bed (worked nights last night).
Dec 3, '02Joined: Jan '02; Posts: 1,032; Likes: 7KRVRN, apparently she made her plans, then told both kids they needed to find somewhere to stay because they could not stay at the house alone. That is why I told my sons friend that his mom *had* to call me to make arrangements. I couldn't believe that she would just let the kids go with anyone without even knowing who they would be with. Back then, I was sure that he misinterpreted what she had said. Now though, I'm sure that if I didn't insist she call, she wouldn't have bothered.
The funny thing is that before this, the boy was never allowed to spend the night at anyone elses house, and they never invited anyone to spend the night with them. Especially during the summer, the whole clan of boys that hang together would usually spend the night at one or anothers house, except for this boy. He also had to be home every day by 6 pm. I always thought that they were being over protective, so it really doesn't make sense that the mom would do this.
When I spoke to her on the phone the week before she left, she said she hadn't made any friends in this area yet (they moved to this area about the same time as we did, a year and a half ago), and being military, didn't have any family close by. I used to be a military wife, so I can relate to having to rely on friends, and I told her that we should get together for coffee or something sometime. I didn't bring up that I had left her phone messages inviting her over to barbeques during the summer, where she could have met the parents of the other boys her son is friends with. Or that some of the other parents had also tried to contact her to say hello and introduce themselves.
This is just a really strange situation, and I don't think I want to become friends with her at this point anyway. I do feel sorry for this boy, and hope that he will continue to feel at home at our house. I haven't seen him since friday though because he has been grounded for some trouble he had at school before she left.
Jenny, it sounds like you had to deal with some real charmers too. That girl was lucky that she had your home to go to, and it's obvious that you made a big difference in her life. Even though providing a stable place for a child to call "home" is the right thing to do, it still gets frustrating as h*ll when you think about what complete idiots these parents are. I couldn't imagine putting a kid through that.