You ONLY work 3 days a week! - page 5

I'm hurt and angry, and I didn' t know who else would understand but other nurses. My husband is facing lay-offs in the near future. I know it scares him and I know we have to bank money, which we... Read More

  1. by   CaliforniaONC
    You poor thing! He is probably feeling nervous and taking it out on you...keep your chin up!
  2. by   Lizzy88
    If I were you, I would tell my husband to shut it! You need to make him understand that you are the one bringing the money to pay the bills, and that you are working your a$$ off to do that. Don't let him bring you down, and if he doesn't understand then I think he doesn't deserve you.
  3. by   DIVA_NURSE405
    [font=courier new]i only work three 12's a week as well but if u look at it, it ends up being 13-14 hrs, and i work night shifts so on the 4th day, you sleep your day away. people don't understand, all they hear is 3 days a week but we do 12's and do our 40 hr week in 3 days opposed to 5 days a week. i love my schedule
  4. by   perseveRaNce23
    Sorry you're going through all of this, but what I've come to realize in life is that most people project their issues on to other people. I think it's always best to try and understand where people are coming from and why. Once you figure that out, it usualy becomes easier to treat them more accordingly, and not be so bothered by thier comments. I'm not making any excuse for your husband, but men equate a lot of their status as "men" with their jobs. I think you're husband, being on the brink of his employment world spinning out of control, is displacing his anger on the one person he should be turning to for support. I'm sure that not being able to contribute financially to the marriage is causing him to feel like less of a man, and he basically seems to be reverting to a caveman mentality by putting you down and barking orders. Ooooga ooga go fetch food! Not nice at all, but I suggest trying to understand how he may be feeling at this time. And, remember that we women are some strong, resilient beings, and we handle things a lot different than men. For the most part we're not emotionally constipated and we don't shut down. I hope you guys can work out all your problems, and realize that like any storm, this too shall pass.
  5. by   nursebarbie2010
    I was an EMT before Igot into nursing. I was pulling 24 hour shifts 3 days a week Sometimes pulling a 48 was a killer!!!. 3 12's is awesome. on my twenty fours we were busy so we would go days without sleep only to come home and crash for a day. My husband i a FF/Paramedic. Luckily he understands the physical and emotional drains of public service. I am sorry you are going through this. People who don't deal in Medicine or public service have no clue!!! My husband and I have supported each other through school. I can't imagine having someone who doesn't "get it"...LOL. Keep your head up girl. I hope you can work out your problems.
  6. by   kitkatsgrace
    I agree that anything more than 3 - 12 hour shifts is too much. My ex-husband said the same thing and he could not understand why I wouldn't work more when he didn't have a job. I started working nights for shift differential and agency nursing as well, which gave us more money and he still wanted me to work more, more, more. Your husband might be stressed financially because he has no control over work and finances and he thinks he needs to repair this by getting you to work more.
  7. by   nhall
    I know this may sound mean but if you are paying the bills,taking care of the girls,cleaning the house and doing all the running then why are you married to him in the first place? It sounds like you need to be the one asking the questions,not him. Like, why is he so disconnected when it comes to your needs and the needs of the family. He needs to plug in,pull his head out of his butt and realize what he has. My best advice is to be thankful for what you have and trust in GOD. He will take care of you and your family if you allow him.
    Best of luck to you both and a marriage counselor may be able to give you the tools you need to get back on track.
  8. by   Redtigerlily
    I don't know where to start . Sweetie I am sorry you have to endure this crud. You do work more. I wish you could go on strike and he had to hire a nanny a cook an accountant and house keeper. Perhaps then he could figure out how to hire a chauffeur to get the kids around. Then HE can find an extra job to make up for the fact that you are too exhausted to do any of that because you are drop dead tired from picking up an extra shift. I hope you find time to treat yourself to a massage. Tell him you had to stay late at work to finish charting. That wouldn't be so hard to believe would it?
  9. by   jco
    My husband never want to hear about my work (I worked in ICU). I stopped working a few years ago when I had my 2nd child ( stayed home & take care of my kids). I have doubted my sanity many times since. I wanted to get back out to work but my husband's words were that my pay won't even cover for child care. I feel self worthless! It hurts!

    You are a superwoman running a home, managing the kids, paying the bill and still concern about your spouse's feelings. You should say to him he is a very lucky man to have a wife like you. Don't take you for granted!
  10. by   ryfly65
    I feel like I'm in the same boat and I'm frustrated because I never know what to say. He makes these diminishing comments all the time to other people when I'm talking about work. Like I'm somehow exaggerating how impossible it can be at times, or like every time it's brought up in conversation with others that I work unbearable 12 hour shifts, he always cuts in with "but he gets 4 days off a week". I don't think he realizes how diminishing that makes my job sound. He disregards schedules like having 2 on, one off, 3 on, etc. It's physically back breaking. It's mentally exhausting, and always an emotional rollercoaster at work but he is constantly making me feel guilty for have those extra days off when I logically know that I am away from home equally as much as he is.

    He works 8:30-5 Monday - Friday. He spends 5:30 to 10 (that's almost 5 hours) every day at home to relax and watch TV or play video games. He has no expectations on his days off, but on my days off, I am expected to clean, make phone calls, pay bills, manage finances, run errands. On his weekends, he doesn't even at least do light cleaning like dishes. I am supposed to do the heavy stuff like mop, scrub toilets, get out water stains, tub stains, dust high and low... He doesn't see any of it, and if I do speak up, it's always "you have more days off than me." And "I work just as hard as you." (He processes home loans).

    Am I doing the same thing? Am I being petty and diminishing his hard work?? Or am I wrong to keep being self conscious about having extra days off a week?
  11. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    I worked 3 twelves doing private duty and I guess that could seem cushy, but 12 hrs per day spent totally focused on someone else IS tiring. I've cut my time to 2 twelves, and accept only cases which don't require me to be working at 'full-tilt-boogie' all the time. I've worked many 'hard' jobs full time for many years and have put in my time and paid my dues more than a few times over.

    For a good while now my husband has been caregiver to his mom, who at 87 has come to need (and expect!) more and more from him. She lives 2 and 1/2 hrs away, so he spends a week to now two weeks at a time with her. That's one long, long private duty shift! I will tell you this: he says to me every week that though he had NO idea how stressful it could be to be the pivot point for someone else's life, he REALLY gets it NOW, that a 'simple, easy' job isn't actually that all that simple or that easy!

    I am exceptionally grateful that he doesn't expect ME to pitch in and take care for his mom!!! Whew!
  12. by   Wannabenurseneko
    For all that complaining he doesn't seem to help around the house much, seems like your doing twice the work . He needs a good talking to
  13. by   Leader25
    Here is my vent,very supportive husband,very helpful,his way=would only do the things he enjoyed like cooking and not the ones he did not like as in cleaning the toilet.Both worked full time days,but he was careless about bus schedules for the kids,locking the door acted a like a workaholic..blah blah.It got so bad I switched to part time nights so I could be home for the children,then he complained about my shorter hours and less insurance coverage,I ignored him and continued to do what I had to do.Years later I was able to go back full time, days and hubby was furious,vexed about "that salary you now making",.....I hired a cleaning person and ignored the rants.I told him , that he could go to nursing school,take all those miserable exams and work holidays,weekends,nights Too !!So you see you can not please everyone,you have to please yourself.