Miss Manners....please help!

  1. My adult daughter and 11 year old grandson live with my husband and I.

    My daughter has minor mental health and physical issues, but works, eats well, goes to the gym, etc. She can be normal, socially appropriate at work (I assume) but at home she is not very communicative with us!

    Today she, grandson, and grandson's friend, were all home. It was kind of quiet, I wandered out to see what grandson and friend were doing, to see if they or their mom had any plans for the afternoon. And they were all gone! I ASSUME maybe she just took them to lunch???? But isn't that kind of rude to just leave without saying anything? She has left like this several times with and without grandson.

    It seems so obviously rude to me that I find it hard to explain to her why I think it is rude. I'm not trying to keep track of her. It just seems like common courtesy when you live in a house with various people to say..."I'm doing some errands, be right back." "I have an appt., be back in about an hour." "I'm taking the boys to lunch, maybe a movie after." etc.

    Well....got it off my chest. Now how should I approach her to let her know we're not keeping track of her movements, it is just good manners to say "I'm going now."
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    About brownbook

    Joined: Jul '06; Posts: 2,876; Likes: 6,643
    from CA , US


  3. by   StNeotser
    I had a similar issue recently though my daughter is only 21. She took off in the middle of the night, later I found out to take dawn photos of the Maroon bells in Aspen which is about three to four hours drive away from my house. It was actually true and I've seen the pictures.

    I told her that though she is 21 and I fully realize she is an adult, if I hear a car getting started at 2am I wonder what is up. I also told her that myself and significant other always let each other know where we're going just because of safety issues and we are in our mid forties. If someone simply takes off and you have no idea when they left or where they were going, two days later when you're trying to fill out the missing persons report at the cop shop, it isn't any help if you had no idea of their plans or where they were likely to be.

    I think if I were you I'd push the safety aspect and don't sound too upset as if you think it's rude. Just say "I'd just appreciate it if you'd let me know where you're going in case something happens" Or something like that.
  4. by   traumaRUs
    Yes, its just courtesy. We have had at various times, adult sons, adult sons and their SO's and adult sons, SO's and children living with us. It IS rude to just leave without a word.

    When hubby and I are here by ourselves we always tell each other when we leave the house. Courtesy.