Brother, and his Girlfriend, Are Driving Me Nuts!

  1. My brother turns 20 this spring, and is dating an 18 yr old he has known for a few years. She's 5 months pregnant, and had just been dumped by her ex-fiance when she and my brother hooked up. I was skeptical about that to begin with, but since they've hooked up, she's had him at her beck and call. He lives about 30 miles out of town, and about 45 miles from her, but he drives to her house at least 3 out of the seven days a week to spend the night with her because she works the closing shift at a fast food joint. Lately it has been runs to the ER late at night (three in the past two weeks)...he picks her up, takes her to the hospital, stays the whole time, and then drops her off at home where she goes to bed and he goes to work a 10 hr shift at a factory. Lather, rinse, repeat. I asked him what she was always going in for, and it ranges from her chest hurt (she had bronchitis), she had a back ache, to she slipped at work and fell, wanted to make sure she didn't have a concussion.

    She called my brother at 7 pm tonight after he got off work at 5:30 pm, he drove to her work, picked her up and took her to the ER, and is still there, because the triage nurse isn't real worried. Then he has to drop her off back at home at some god-forsaken hour of the night, and get back here for a change of clothing to drive back to town to work.

    He's overdrawn on his bank acct b/c of all the gas he's burning to see her, he hasn't showered in a few days, and I'm terrified that he'll fall asleep at the wheel and crash into a bad wreck.

    But everytime I try talking to him about it, he gets all Romeo and starts in about how no one wants them to be together, she's just misunderstood, they're young but not dumb, insert other melodramatic teenage starry-eyed expression here.

    I don't know how to reach him, but I don't want her to use him until she's over the other guy and then kick him to the curb, or just use him for a cheap taxi/hand holder/babywatcher.

    Any ideas? Is this really something where he has to get burned to learn not to play with the matches? I'm 11 years older than he, so he tends to bristle at my mothering, even though I was wiping his snot nose and tying his shoes not that long ago.
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    About CountryMomma, ADN

    Joined: Nov '12; Posts: 667; Likes: 3,060
    Full-time Med-Surg RN (Secret Step Down Unit!); from US


  3. by   wish_me_luck
    I feel ya, country momma. My brother is the same way. I wish they would understand that their sisters only want the best for them.

    Okay, Jean, Spidey's Mom, and crew--you helped me, tackle this one.
  4. by   TheCommuter
    I don't know how to reach him, but I don't want her to use him until she's over the other guy and then kick him to the curb, or just use him for a cheap taxi/hand holder/babywatcher.
    The more you attempt to convince your brother that she's using him, it's possible that he'll actually get even closer to this woman. People often do this to spite family members who disapprove of their lovers.

    Unfortunately, he's going to need to get burned and reach rock bottom before he realizes that this girl is a user. As unnatural as this seems, I would back off and let your grown brother proceed on his own. He will see the light eventually.
  5. by   wish_me_luck
    Commuter is right. When my brother dated and proposed/became engaged for two weeks to one of his ex girlfriends (Disneyworld chick), my family had tried to talk him out of it. We couldn't, so I told him and his girlfriend that I would help them plan the wedding. It went all downhill from there. I was truly trying to help plan the wedding--I wasn't just saying it. I want my brother to be happy, I am sure it's the same for you. If that's what makes him happy, support him, things will fall apart naturally if it's not meant to be.

    I am going to do the same with the current relationship, I have decided.

    Good luck to you.
  6. by   BostonTerrierLoverRN
    Wow, that's so sad, he's going down my road. I was the pleaser- she was the user. My family and friends warned me. I was stubborn. Now I have lost those friends, and "the girl." And, that C.S. Lewis quote is getting all to familiar.

    "Experience is the Best Teacher, You Will Learn, Oh God Will You Learn."
    -C.S. Lewis
  7. by   Creamsoda
    Well look on the brightside, at least he cant knock her up! At least for now! Lord what a mess that would be. Unfortunately its probably something hes just going to have to learn for him self. He is young and dumb.
  8. by   BAD LUCK
    Fact#1 >>>A fool and his money are soon parted...

    Fact #2 >>> There is no greater blindness than he that refuses to see....

    Fact #3>> Ya don't pull the mask off the ol lone ranger and...

    Fact#4 >>> make no foot prints where " MATTERS OF THE HEART " dwell...

    Cast a hint over to him, whether he bites or he don't. at least you can sit a bite easier in the spectators seat and watch his demise knowing you tried to keep him from being his own casualty....<:0]