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raindrop raindrop (New Member) New Member

In a slight situation....

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met my bf from match.com. we clicked because we are both nurses at the same hospital. Neither of us knew each other from work because I work on the unit and he works in surgery. We've been together 6 months. It has been a good rship, but 2 of my surgery friends told me at the beginning that he is not cool to work with because he thrives on the gossip, and, he is really flirty with nurses that he works with. I didn't care what their opinion was. Until now. The hospital is making changes with how they staff, etc and he is now working the units at times. My manager knows we are dating and there is not a policy against 2 people dating and working together. And my GOD, he does thrive on the gossip! And he is flirty with other nurses in a very suave way. But what I can't stand is the gossip BS. He is making a judgement call on a nurse who he doesn't really know that well. He only knows what he hears and he has NO consideration or empathy for the BS she has been through in her life (she is 55 yo). He tells me she is "crazy," etc. No, she isn't. She is differnet. And she's had a rough life.

Also, I HATE how he and a few other nurses talk about a patient being crazy during report. For example, "Patient in room 6 is here for n/v/d. She has hisrory of depression, bipolar CHF, etc. She hasn't had any GI issues since her admission. She is kinda crazy. she wanted me to....blah blah blah." Nobody is crazy in my book unless you are a serial killer, etc. Just because someone doesn't act like the NORM does not make them crazy. My mom moved to this small town USA after growing up in NYC and living there for 39 years. People here viewed her as crazy because she WAS way different than the people here. And she was a mouthy Italian. She is far from "crazy" though. And she does have depression and bpd. I am now reluctnat to tell my bf about her illness because he will probably judge her. And judge me! Some nurses suck.

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That is a hard situation. If you haven't had an open discussion with him about how you feel about his behavior you should do it soon. When I met my dh one of the things that impressed me was his behavior to others. My opinion is that if he will be cruel or inconsiderate to others he will do it to you. That was the fastest way to a breakup for me. I always watched how they talked to wait-people and how they regarded animals/children.

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definitely let him know you aren't very fond of the gossip. a closed mouth does not get fed. he may thinks it is okay b/c other nurses gossip with him but around you it's not okay. let him know if he still does it around you after you let him know he's inconsiderate of your feelings and something should be done

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OMG, I also judge people by how they treat waitstaff, animals, etc. He tips waitstaff 20 percent and is so nice to them. He loves animals and will not even smash a spider. And he loves kids and babies! But he has 2 small children of his own and I think he shows extreme favortism towards one child over the other. Extreme. I called him out on it, and he said he is not as close to that child because he only gets to see him 6 days/month and he has a poor rship with that child's mother. But his other child, he has full time and has a good ship with that child's mom. I don't agree with showing favortism towards kids, even if u feel it. The difference in how he treats them has always kinda bothered me.

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No one was ever harmed by heeding red flags.

Ignore them at your own peril. They went up for a reason and from what I read in your post, they're waving madly.

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He's made babies with 2 women and is not together with either of them any more. That should tell you about how he relates to women in his private life.

he gossips and makes deragatory comments about people. That should tell you about how he treats people in general.

Just something to think about.

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See that's where it gets confusing for me. He is not with one child's mother because she divorced him to be with her "boyfriend". My boyfriend wanted to work it out and go to counseling, but she refused. This divorce was not on him.

The other childs mother was conceived shortly after his divorce. She was his FWB. And he was her FWB. Both of them were in the mindset that it's ONLY sex. She became pregnant for the first time at age 34. She told him that she could not have children.

Uggh. Now that I'm writing this down, I can see him in a different light. I need to get out of this rship. He is pretty messed up.

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He's made babies with 2 women and is not together with either of them any more. That should tell you about how he relates to women in his private life.

he gossips and makes deragatory comments about people. That should tell you about how he treats people in general.

Just something to think about.

Yeah, any one of the issues mentioned in the OP might be easy to overlook, but add 'em up and it's not a nice pattern. Sounds like he might be an OK dude overall, but not necessarily the sort of person it'd be good to be romantically involved with.

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he says. uh-huh. :no:

good decision to drop this loser-with-a-capital-l.

 

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People will always tell you exactly who they are if you listen and observe.

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If you're having this many doubts about the guy, why are you still with him? Just b/c he is nice to you & you two have a lot in common..it doesn't make a good base for a relationship. Call me judgmental..but the two kids w/ two different women (and the accompanying stories with each woman) would have definitely turned me off from the get-go.

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