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Jamuhh Jamuhh (New Member) New Member

He's uncomfortable with me touching male pts.

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I am a nursing student, in my second semester. My boyfriend is extremely uncomfortable about knowing I have to see and/or touch male patients for cleaning, caths or adult diaper changes. So uncomfortable that he is seeing a therapist and is taking citalopram for what the therapist says is mild OCD that causes him depression.

When he first started seeing the therapist and taking the pills, things got better, but I was also not in school at the time (winter break). Now I'm back in school, and doing clinicals at a rehab hospital where there are tons of caths and cleanings to be done. I have yet to actually touch anyone, but he doesn't care - he's furious.

Last night I sent him a message that I saw this cute elderly couple meet in the hallway and the man beamed and kissed his wife's hands then hugged her. I told him it made me miss him and he replied with, "That's nice. How many d*cks did you see with the nurse?"

I cried all night long. I understand where he is coming from - in any other circumstance, touching other men would be cheating. Yet, I think he's being viscious and rude about it instead of simply telling me he would rather not talk about me being at the hospital. He is treating me like some kind of prostitute or something.

We are on the verge of breaking up, because I can't handle feeling like I'm a monster because I want to help people. I guess I just want to see if there are any other people having a similar issue. & please don't call me an idiot or any other rude name. I'm already hurting.

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It may be time to show him the door.

It has less to do about nursing and more to do with control. Because chances are even if you leave nursing, he will find some other way that you are "unfaithful".....talking to male

friends, shaking hands in church,

watching TV with scantly clad men

on it.

He has issues that he needs to address before he can make any woman a supportive spouse/companion.

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Sounds like not the most stable relationship- or boyfriend. There is nothing sexual about our work, in fact catheterizing and changing dirty diapers seems the opposite, to me! Good luck, and I'm sorry for what you're going through. (if this is real.)

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I'm so sorry...I know how you must be feeling right now... :( It will be much less stressful to be with someone without this issue, however, bc a career (hopefully) lasts a looong time...hugs

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i'm so sorry. could any part of his attitude have been cultural? what nationality is he?

my husband has been diagnosed with ocd and when he's taking his meds as ordered and

and after he had counseling by a psychologist whose specialty was tx of ocd, he was vastly

different. he never had problems with my seeing or touching mens' genital areas. he was overly

germ conscious and "just knew" i'd bring home any one of many many many horrible incurable diseases.

regular counseling helped him get a grip on his free floating anxieties, but did absolutely nothing

to lessen his ocd behaviors which were growing worse. the ocd specialist juggled his meds around,

gave him ideas for coping, and did it all in under three months -- as opposed to about four years of

"regular"non-ocd sessions.

 

i asked the cultural question because our next door neighbors are from pakistan. they are muslims

and recent new citizens, who are now trying to fit into the neighborhood. they're a lovely family and their three kids are adorable. they have three boys who are seven, five and two who are sweet, funny, bright, and well on their way to becoming as modesty conscious (for a lack of a better way to describe

it) as their parents. i babysit sometimes when their mom has errands or whatever and the two bigger boys are nothing short of appalled when i change their baby brother's diaper!:eek: (he's male, y'know!)

sorry, but i'm more concerned with what a wiggleworm he is now than that i'm cleaning that part of him with a baby wipe or seeing a penis. it's no more interesting to me than his ear or his knee.

 

the husband teaches with my husband and helped walk our dog when my husband was hospitalized this summer. he would just let himself in and call the dog's name. his wife did not approve at all.

during the month of august alone, the wife brought me no fewer than four heavy cover ups such as one might use in the winter. i realized shorts or my nightshirt wouldn't be appropriate, so i wore jeans instead. still too revealing.

 

could an overly developed sense of modesty and feeling as though you were his possession be at least part of your former boyfriend's problem?

Edited by sharpeimom
omitted a word

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i'm sorry this resulted in your breaking up, jamuhh.

and i know you don't understand this now, but you really wouldn't want to end up in a serious relationship with a man who is that controlling and immature (aside from cultural considerations.).

maybe if your boyfriend gets the right type of counseling and meds, it'll help him put nursing in perspective.

until then, take all your energies and expend them on school.

stay strong and stay focused.:hug:

leslie

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it's real.

but it's over.

i know you're hurting over your break-up right now, but i'm so happy for you that you're out of that negative, controlling relationship! good for you. controlling relationships can turn into abusive ones, and i'm glad you were spared that.

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Hey girl,

I know you're hurting, but keep your eyes on the goal. You can do this and you will make it through this bump in the road. Look deep into yourself and stay focused.

(((pulling for you)))

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I have yet to actually touch anyone, but he doesn't care - he's furious.

I told him it made me miss him and he replied with, "That's nice. How many d*cks did you see with the nurse?"

I cried all night long. He is treating me like some kind of prostitute or something.

Well I know you explained to him numerous times you do not enjoy the act of perineal care on strangers. Does he know most of the men you are touching are old old men who you are not interested in, well at least I assume you are not but, if that floats your boat do not tell us. He is super insecure. Just think its better that you are dating instead of being married to someone so insecure. Maybe he is not the one.

His response was rude and hilarious (Sorry to be insecure but it is pretty funny).

Edited by Wolf at the Door
added more

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I am a nursing student, in my second semester. My boyfriend is extremely uncomfortable about knowing I have to see and/or touch male patients for cleaning, caths or adult diaper changes. So uncomfortable that he is seeing a therapist and is taking citalopram for what the therapist says is mild OCD that causes him depression.

When he first started seeing the therapist and taking the pills, things got better, but I was also not in school at the time (winter break). Now I'm back in school, and doing clinicals at a rehab hospital where there are tons of caths and cleanings to be done. I have yet to actually touch anyone, but he doesn't care - he's furious.

 

Last night I sent him a message that I saw this cute elderly couple meet in the hallway and the man beamed and kissed his wife's hands then hugged her. I told him it made me miss him and he replied with, "That's nice. How many d*cks did you see with the nurse?"

I cried all night long. I understand where he is coming from - in any other circumstance, touching other men would be cheating. Yet, I think he's being viscious and rude about it instead of simply telling me he would rather not talk about me being at the hospital. He is treating me like some kind of prostitute or something.

 

We are on the verge of breaking up, because I can't handle feeling like I'm a monster because I want to help people. I guess I just want to see if there are any other people having a similar issue. & please don't call me an idiot or any other rude name. I'm already hurting.

No one here will call you an idiot.

You are in an abusive relationship, and I'd bet a year's salary that this "issue" of his, is far from an isolated instance.

I'd bet the next year's salary, that there has indeed been a history of subtle and not so subtle clues as to his "type" that you have wished away, or ignored, or simply not picked up on.

I see hallmarks of a woman who cognitively knows his behavior is not rational, but makes excuses for him and feels the classic guilt abusers inflict on their victims as a weapon of choice in wielding power over them.

The intent of abusers is to keep you confused, doubting yourself, and wondering if you are overreacting to behavior that they feel they have every right to inflict. Maybe sometimes he throws you a bone with, "I'm sorry honey. I know I overreact sometimes. I don't want to be that way."

I highlighted the glaring red flags in your post above. Right now, would you read through those highlighted lines without reading anything else? Take a quick moment to do so, please.

Now, how do you feel about that?

Let's take one expample:

So... you cried all night long... but you understand where he's coming from? He's just a bit insecure and needs a little extra understanding and time to adjust, right?

Can you see how he's effectively made you confused, and doubting yourself?

No. You don't understand him. His behavior you may recognize as nutty and irrational, but you can no more truly understand him any more than you can "understand" someone that drowns puppies.

Do you really want to surrender one more day of your well-being, your life to this?

I sincerely hope he doesn't come back around a week or even a year later proclaiming, "Baby I'm all better now."

Sister it's going to take time to heal, and get your head on straight. One day you will look back and be amazed at yourself that you ever allowed him any place in YOUR life.

Don't let him steal any more of it.

Signed,

been there done that.

P.S. here's an excellent link.

http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

Edited by Guttercat

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