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Game of Groans

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You are reading page 7 of Game of Groans. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

Don't know the century in which this nostrum was practiced, but any one who gets migraines can be thankful they live in the present day...

The doctor used a scalpel to make a small slice in each of the patient's temples, making a 'pocket' big enough to hold 1/2 of a peeled, raw garlic clove, without it being visible. Then some cloth was pressed against each incision, and the head was wrapped tightly with a bandage.

This was left in place for 24 hours, then unwrapped and the garlic removed.

The wounds were left to the open air for 3-4 days, when a superating ooze allowed the 'toxins' that had caused the migraine, to leave the body.

{Kind of gives me a headache even thinking about being subjected to this torture!}

An alternate remedy was to place a dead mole on the top of your head and secure it with a scarf. Not sure of the length of time required for a 'cure' with this so-called treatment.

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I actually saw this with my very own eyes, on a church sign. I posted it long ago, but recently found a piece of paper on which I jotted it down:

"THERE IS NO FIRE ESCAPE IN HELL"

Kind of made me stay well away from THAT church!

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The human definition for pneumonia--

Is you all ready? "P" cause ya gotta use the bedpan to pee in since yer so sick ya can barely move,

"neu" This here new sick experience is awful. Even vultures wouldn't take it.

"monia" it gives ya a very bad case of the moanies & groanies.

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I used to work at an orange juice factory

but I got canned

because I couldn't concentrate.

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Not so much a groan-worthy post, this is a SMH and eye-rolling quote.

Remember PARIS HILTON?  She said:

"Everything bad that can happen to a person, has happened to me."

AHhhhhaahahahahahahahaha!  After I picked my jaw up off the floor and stopped laughing, I thought, poor little thing!

I suppose it was a subconscious statement; she delineates herself as separate from ordinary person-hood-ness. 

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My two old aunts used to say to me at every wedding we attended, "Well, Jane, are you going to be next?"

I settled that right away by saying the same thing to them at funerals.

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Q.  What ways are senior citizens like babies?

A.  When babies are born, they pee & poop their pants, they have no teeth, they cry & whine, babble & need lots of care.

Senior citizens are recyclers, & do the same things. 

 

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I went on an all-whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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I want to make a joke about sodium, but....Na.

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Forrest Gumps email password:

"1forrest1"

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Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming,

 

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