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toomuchbaloney toomuchbaloney (Member) Nurse

Game of Groans

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You are reading page 39 of Game of Groans. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

NoStars (et al) - How do you think up these things???

Dang! I have a hard time just figuring out your quips!

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Does my wife think I'm a control freak? I haven't decided yet.

She used to hate that joke.... And now she loves it.

 

Unfortunately the blueprints to my honey farm were destroyed.

I have no plan B.

 

People say I have the legs of a dancer....

Until they find the rest of the body the cops have got nothing on me.

 

People say I'm a plagiarist....

Their words, not mine.

 

I've never asked a rhetorical question.

How cool is that?

 

I really am lazy.

Instead of a threesome I sleep with a schizophrenic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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My wife got drunk at a party and insisted that she had invented the echo. I said to her, “Listen to yourself,” “self,” “self,” “self.”

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True story: When our daughter was six she made her dad a card with a drawing of a dinosaur and the caption"

"DAD YOU'RE The TRICERA TOPS!"

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Troo Confeshuns:

amoLu- I don't 'think them up' ... I copy them from different on-line sites. I ain't that brilliant, just appreciative of others' brilliance, which I then share with y'all.

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The same daughter, now 52 years old gave her Dad a card with drawings of a  hammer and box of nails. It says, "When it comes to being an awesome Dad You nailed it!  

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TOOL YOU!"

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I did a gig in a fertility clinic. I got a standing ovulation.

I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper – dicing with death.

The advantages of easy origami are two-fold.

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."
 

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On 6/21/2020 at 8:53 PM, No Stars In My Eyes said:

Troo Confeshuns:

amoLu- I don't 'think them up' ... I copy them from different on-line sites. I ain't that brilliant, just appreciative of others' brilliance, which I then share with y'all.

Me too. 👍

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If you don't care for Chuck Norris jokes, skip this post!

_____________________________________________________

Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.

C.N. does not own a stove, oven, or microwave because revenge is a dish best served cold.

C.N. can divide by zero.

C.N. drinks NAPALM to fight his heartburn.

C.N. can speak in Braille.

C.N. has never blinked in his life....EVER.

Even the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can strangle a person with a cordless phone.

C.N. is the only man to ever beat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

C.N. does not sleep. He waits.

Some kids like to pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.

In Pamplona, the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.

Freddy Kruger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

The FLU gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.

C.N. destroyed the Periodic Table because he only believes in the Element of Surprise.

C.N.'s cowboy boots are made out of real cowboys.

C.N. can start a fire with ice cubes.

Superman wears a pair of Chuck Norris undies.

Death once had a Near Chuck Norris experience.

When Chuck Norris writes, the paper bleeds.

C.N can tie his shoes with his feet.

Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

The dinosaurs just LOOKED at Chuck Norris the wrong way, and you know what happened to them!

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I saw two horses, 2 elephants, 2 turtles, a cow & a bull, a hen & a rooster, 2 ducks, and mostly people4 mating sexually. BORING!

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8 hours ago, Fran L. LeMay said:

I saw two horses, 2 elephants, 2 turtles, a cow & a bull, a hen & a rooster, 2 ducks, and mostly people4 mating sexually. BORING!

Where were you? On Noah's Ark?

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