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Female Demerit System

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In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happybiggrin.gif.

Do something she likes and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)

But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You return to her every so often and give her a pat (+1)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)

Named Tina (-10)

Tina is a lap dancer (-20)

Tina has silicone implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (+2)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+1)

You take her to a movie she likes (+3)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable beergut (-15)

You develop a noticeable beergut and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

You develop a noticeable beergut and resort to stretch-waist pants and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-100)

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat in this?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+100)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-100)

__________________

what we have here is a failure to communicateeek.gif

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I feel sorry for the guys.

We/Us (I am not sure???), women, can be a bit tough ;)

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Males learn early or regret long if they do not learn the magic words "Yes, dear".

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Very amusing post, Poi. Please allow my perspective on two of the areas:

"Making the bed" is viewed by some as an overt symptom of mental illness. The action of making a bed that no one will ever see, and besides, the bed's going to be messed up again in about 16 hours anyway, is "increased energy with decreased purposefulness". If that argument does not sway you, then let us take bed making in a metaphysical new age nonsense sort of way: A Zen Master may say, "You do not have to make the bed, for the bed, as it is, is already made."

As far as going out to supply the whim of one who cannot plan ahead is being an Enabler and I will not contribute or support such thoughtless behavior. Lack of planning on another's part does not constitute a priority on mine. Your mental health is more important to me than fulfilling some sort of immediate gratification need. You'll be a better Person and thank me in the long run.

I could go on but, enough said.

Thanks.

Davey (Yeah, I'm a Guy) Do

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Yeah but Davey . . . .what if you have company and they want a tour of your home?????? :eek::eek:

The truth is . . we rarely make our bed. And that door is always shut. But still . . . I've been surprised by company and my in-laws walk in without knocking all the time and go looking for me. A shut door doesn't deter them.

Can you imagine the horror of knowing that your very organized in-laws have seen your messy bedroom? :uhoh3:

To be fair, we don't knock at their house either. ;)

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Yeah but Davey . . . .what if you have company and they want a tour of your home?????? :eek::eek:

Thank you for asking such a poignant question, steph.

Belinda has lived in my house since April of 2007. In that time, we've had three uninvited visitors, who all showed up during our sleeping hours. I was gracious, accepted their apologies for waking me and promptly put gates up to my property. I made some signs which hang from a "7" shaped post: House number, House name (Jones Roadhouse), NoTrespassing, Beware of Dog, Day Sleeper, and a little sun with its eyes closed. On each gate, hangs a sun symbol with its eyes closed, reiterating the day sleeper thing.

Being an extremely asocial, private person, who has, to the best of my abilty, been a self-administered exile from society, I rarely have visitors. The bed is made only for short times to soothe Belinda's neurotic inner cries from her primal pool of pain.

Again, steph, thank you for asking.

Davey (Looking Like An Unmade Bed) Do

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Can you imagine the horror of knowing that your very organized in-laws have seen your messy bedroom?

I was just thinking,

:cool: Neil could sing, "I am I said,

To the unmade bed."

I mean, like, if the chair is hearing-impaired, the bed must be unmade. Right?

Davey (Neil Diamond Song Interpreter) Do

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This is funny, where did you find this?

Just some random funny site.

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In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happybiggrin.gif.

Do something she likes and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)

But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You return to her every so often and give her a pat (+1)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)

Named Tina (-10)

Tina is a lap dancer (-20)

Tina has silicone implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (+2)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+1)

You take her to a movie she likes (+3)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable beergut (-15)

You develop a noticeable beergut and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

You develop a noticeable beergut and resort to stretch-waist pants and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-100)

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat in this?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+100)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-100)

__________________

what we have here is a failure to communicateeek.gif

I agree, a failure to communicate seems like the issue here. Since the women have their scoreboard I'm going to throw you a male perspective of a scoreboard. Don't be offended ladies, this really is how men think

Simple Duties

You cook dinner most nights of the week (+2)

You're a terrible cook (-4)

You realize you're a terrible cook so you opt out for take out on many occasions (+3)

You're a great cook (+4)

You don't ***** and moan about making the bed (0)

You do ***** and moan about making the bed (-3)

Social Engagements

You allow us to talk to our male friends without hovering over us (0)

You always hover over us (-5)

You get jealous of every woman we talk to, even if it's our mom's friend (-4)

You allow us to do our thing while you're doing your thing (+4)

You allow us to have a few drinks without giving us dirty looks (+4)

Our Birthday

You serve us a nice steak for dinner (+15)

This is all we want, no fancy bells and whistles, just a nice piece of beef.

Your Physique

You stay in shape and don't balloon up after we're married (0)

You do balloon up after we're married (-5)

You constantly complain about our physique while yours is suspect (-10)

You enjoy using sex as your cardio workout (+5)

Communication

You allow us to come home, eat our dinner, and go to bed without having a deep conversation every night (+5)

When the T.V. is on you try to interrupt us by telling us how your day was (-5)

You wait until the T.V. is off until you tell us about your day (+5)

You turn mountains into molehills (-10)

You make communicating easy and only get upset for no reason on occasion (+4)

This comes from a male brain, take notes ladies.

Edited by rn/writer
Removed two references to blow jobs.

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@ commonsense - I like your point system because you were way gentler on the deductions ;)

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